US News has uncovered that “the the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities.”

In other news, KABOBfest’s team of investigative reporters have discovered that the federal government has also been surveilling the sewage pipes coming from Muslim houses. An anonymous source within the FBI says, “We are looking to analyze any fesces samples that might lead us to discover an unusually large amount of hummus in our target’s diet. As we know from the 9-11 hijackers, who all ate hummus, these tests will most likely lead us to the next terrorist safehouse. In fact, our entire terrorist threat alert system is based on hummus levels.”