End Mexican Cultural Imperialism Now

It's bad enough they took Salma Hayek from us. Mexico is now infringing on Arab, South and Southwestern Asian cultural terrain. A group of businessmen in the northern Mexican City of Chihuahua broke, according to the AP, "a tasty record" by skewering enough meat for 24,000 tacos in a single kabob!

The media spectacle featured the "Tacoton," a variety of the Mexican dish that consists of [gasp!] pork. The haram heap of hog weighed 3.9 tons and was 13 feet high. The fascist-imperialist swine at the Guinness Book of World Records recognized it as the world's "largest skewer of kebab meat."

Even though I consider Latinos our cousins, this is an affront to our Arabo-Islamic civilization, which copied the art of cooking meat on a stick from invading mongol hordes. We lost Baghdad to learn the art of kabobing, and some Mexican businessmen come along and steal it from us. What next? Will they steal hip-shaking musicality?

I condemn the Guinness Book of World Records for its cultural insensitivity. That the meat consists of pork is an insult to the Islamic world on par with the Mohammad cartoons printed in the Danish newspapers last year.

I call on the Saudi regime to bankroll a larger kabob immediately -- scratch that, they should make two bigger ones: one for men and one for women, to keep with Saudi tradition. Then, to add insult to injury, they should make the world's biggest tamale, as well.