In a non-motivated depressed rut I sought out Hollywood to give me an escape. What better than a "swords 'n' sandals" epic to loose myself in for a couple of hours? I settled in to my chair ready to watch The Last Legion with hopes of swashbuckling and epic fight scenes. The movie's plot is about a band of Romans idealists who are trying to save a boy Caesar by whisking him away from the Goths to Britain to find the lost 9th legion. Little do they know an evil surprise awaits...blah, blah, blah. The movie is the most painfully mediocre movie. EVER.
I guess I could have predicted it. Any action movie that shares 2 lead actors with the cast of Love Actually is in trouble (Colin Firth is great, but an action star? really?) . The Onion was spot on when it described the movie as: "Multicultural Sexy Roman Adventure Squad" (which is actually a movie i think we would all want to see). Of course, in my humble opinion no MSRAS (as it shall henceforth be known) is complete without Salma Hayek and Michelle Yeoh. I can't really see any Arab starlets kicking butt, but then again Haifah has proven to be a master of disguise.
I can deal with plot helping anachronisms, but that the Eastern Roman Empire was represented by Alexander Siddiq and Ashwariya Rai (as a scimitar wielding 7th level kalaripayattu ninja no less!) is a bit over the top. Oh yeah, Ben Kingsly (who is actually part Indian) is a warrior-philosopher from Brittania with a really bad beard. The ham-handed racial diversity is so annoying (and yes, the African guy dies).
Just compare the movie poster with an actual still from the movie, talk about false advertising:
Perhaps it is time for Hollywood to stop making movies with the same basic premise over and over. Now that is diversity I could get behind.
I honestly prefer the crazy racial fantasies of The 300 (where each successive wave of Persian drones is somehow darker skinned and less human looking than the last), because the visuals and action were amazing. Plus I am confident enough in my sexuality to deal with all the homo-erotic overtones of strapping 1/2 naked Greeks in leather cod pieces contorting their bodies every which way..... or am I?
3 comments:
WTF are you doing posting stuff I can't find disagreement with? Knock it off!
I won't watch 300, not only b/c it looks really really racist, but b/c I'm an anceient history geek and the whole "Spartans as champions of freedom" thing is too obviously a made up "yay western culture" crock. Guess I'll have to stick with Xena Warrior Princess.
Saladin, I'd like to think we can appreciate propaganda for its entertainment value alone, and disregard the message so long as we're cognizant of it.
I like 300 in the same way I like Jet Li's 'Hero', which was total Unification propaganda.
And to the original writer -- if you think there are homoerotic overtones now, just be glad they put cod-pieces on 'em. In the original Frank Miller graphic novel, the Spartans are danglin' in the breeze.
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