Darko Milicic: Honorary Arab of the Month

As my friend Adam lamented, the Detroit Pistons could have Carmelo right now (and two more championships). Instead of Anthony, they took a young Serbian player named Darko Milicic as the 2nd pick in the 2003 NBA draft. In his 2.5 seasons with the Pistons, he earned the nickname, "The Human Victory Cigar" referring to the fact he only played in games when a Pistons victory appeared imminent. He recently left the Orlando Magic and signed with the Memphis Grizzlies.

But none of this is why he's winning the esteemed title of KABOBfest's Honorary Arab of the Month.

In the European basketball championships last weekend, Greece beat Serbia, Darko's team, by a hair. Darko wasn't too pleased with the officiating, and the Greek players' overuse of cologne, so he went on a "profanity-laced tirade at referees" after the game.

He was fined nearly $14,000 by FIBA, the sport's international governing body. The Grizzlies publicly reprimanded him. I'm not sure how bothered he was to be scolded by a team that sounds like a hairy Gay men's dance club.

I can't confirm it, but this might be his rant on YouTube.

To understand why he's an honorary Arab, you have to consider not how he said it, but what he said. I had KABOBfest Linguistics Expert Chaim Sugarman track down a translation of Darko's crazy and beautiful outburst. Sugarman, who knows a little Serbian because "he dated one in high school," found this one.

Reporter: Darko, first impressions?

Darko: All right, but let's do it over there.

Reporter: Darko Milicic, congratulations despite the loss. First impressions?

Darko: Nothing, these three big [expletive]heads, these two ... three
[expletive for lady parts] have cheated us, that's what happened. This
[expletive for lady part], these three [expletive]heads think they are
something. I will go and [expletive] their mothers' [expletive for
lady parts]--all three of them, that's what I'm gonna [inaudible] ...
[expletive for lady parts] all three of them, I'm gonna [expletive]
his Italian mother in her [expletive for lady parts], man, that's what
I want to say...

Reporter: Darko, calm down a little bit. Your impressions of the game?

Darko: He's a [expletive]head, he should [expletive] my [expletive
for man parts], go on ... write that, man ... all three of them, the
first one and the second one and the third one ... I don't give a
[expletive] about this, that's what I want to say.

Reporter: [inaudible]

Darko: [Expletive for lady parts] ... they don't call anything...he
[expletive] in his pants ... I will [expletive] his mother in the
mouth, man ... if he has a daughter, I will also [expletive] his
daughter.

Reporter: [inaudible]

Darko: [inaudible] ... we are fighting here, I died ... I need an
infusion, do you understand...and they cheat us like [expletive for
waste]...

I heard he then asked God to destroy the referees' houses and damn their fathers.

Darko gets Honorary Arab of the Month for his very Arab-like insults. Yes, I know going for the mothers and sisters is pretty universal as an insult, but Darko expressed it very poetically, with lots of imagery and cursing... just as an Arab would do it.

Ha ha... I just realized the translation said "lady parts" and "man parts." It would be funnier if that was a literal translation: "I'm going to put my man parts in his mother's lady parts." But then he'd lose the Honorary Arab of the Month title.

On another Honorary Arab note, I found this photo using a new internets search engine I discovered called Google(what a name!). There are two ways to rationalize this:


1) Like a true Honorary Arab, Milicic eyes down the President while dressed in all black (the Arab clubbing uniform).

2) There are those pathetic Arab businessman who dream about having a picture with the President. Sadly, even this one. Darko lived their dream, even if he looked pissed.

Congrats Darko! This recognition KABOBfest is bestowing on you is a true honor.