Mike Fuckabee Throws Hat In Ring, Prints Platform On Bumper Sticker

Republican presidential hopeful and former Arkansas governor whole-heartedly joined the republican lot for the party’s presidential nominee on Sunday by throwing out the term “Islamo-fascist” in the latest televised debate, which he has done for only the second time, a record low for a republican.

Huckabee has been technically running for the executive office since he made the official announcement through shedding off 110 pounds of ugly Huckabee, an image apparently unbecoming of a US president, yet down right appropriate for the great state of Arkansas.

However, he has so far run on a seemingly “compassionate” conservative platform of “love thy neighbor”-type nonsense, and only did he make it clear to the conservative base that he truly cares about their vote this weekend when he used the correct password and reduced his platform to a generalization that fits on a bumper sticker.

KABOBfest’s special investigator, Chaim Sugerman, learned that Huckabee’s new campaign advisor has recommended the new strategy shift when a survey the commissioned secretly revealed that the former governor’s speeches do not strike unwarranted fear in the heart of ordinary Americans and make him appear that he is not angry at anybody, two traits that have led observers to question the authenticity of his republican-ness.

In other news, Huckabee had apparently been planning to ban pork products as part of his crusade for a healthy lifestyle and diet. It appears though his new advisor has recommended against the move so that it is not confused with ongoing campaigns for the Islamization of America.

[Tarboush tip: QuiQui]