KABOBfest is currently soliciting applications for a new occupier in the land of Palestine. We are looking for a belligerent foreign army that, like the current occupier, is brutal, menacing, and racist.
Sadly, after 60 years of Zionist settlement and occupation, we have concluded that Israel is too good at its job.
Namely, we are interested in joining the people of Darfur and Tibetans as people oppressed by a state the US opposes. Things were exciting with Israel at first, but after effectively shoring up American support, the occupier-occupied dynamics have become a little too-stilted and one-sided. Like any relationship, we want to keep things spicey and surprising. Re-aligning the geo-political terrain with a new occupier seems like the perfect answer.
Our only requirement is that your country possesses an army. Please include a 500-word essay answering this question: "What ancient or religious reasons can you concoct to justify occupying Palestine?"
Direct applications to KABOBfest Administrator, Chaim Sugarman.
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Note. This was inspired by a rare e-mail from Nabeel:
Anyone watch the [Dalai Lama] ceremony? Tom-F-ing-Lantos spoke at the event. He's so supportive of people's right to self-determination; NOT!!! I think the key to liberating the P is to find a different occupier. We need a nation that Americans can hate like China or Russia to occupy our land.
10 comments:
Maybe France? Oh wait, there's a fascist in charge which means the US is almost cool with them again...
I think Hamas will do a good job. We'll let them practice first in Gaza. They have an army and are not supported by the US. Exactly what you want.
Yeah, Hamastan sounds good. It's a shame that Hamas doesn't have enough sky-scrapers to throw more people off from. The same old two or three get repetitive. But, with Iranian oil revenue, many sky-scrapers can be built, enabling a daily terror-fest of voluntary "freestyle" roof-jumping. Go Palestinian self-determination, GO!
Kabob,
They asked Abbas' chef if he had chicken wings. When he said yes, they threw him out the window. Wrong answer I guess.
If China were occupying the West Bank and Gaza, and Palestinians killed Chinese olympic athletes, to name but one example, there would be no Palestinians left.
Similarly, how many Darfuris have been killed in the last several years?
Another idiotic Will post.
Awesome post Will.
Free Palestine.
*Sigh... oh the depravity.
What "Palestine"? Hamastan? Fatahstan? You want Tel Aviv, too? Some of the people on this blog can't get past the 1st Intifada. Communist revolution in Palestine is over, guys. Your adolescent indoctrination notwithstanding, the world has changed since 1987.
You're either with Fatah, Hamas, Israel, or the Felahes whose heads are crushed in the middle. Choose.
I'm with justice and freedom for all.
Free Palestine. Equal rights and citizeship to all. Give it up man, racist oppressive states are doomed to fail. Freedom will prevail, as it always does.
Free Palestine.
Palestine.
Palestine.
Palestine.
Yeah! Free Palestine. I'm all for a one state solution - although it's gonna be called Israel, be serious. Let two million Jews move into quaint Palestinian villages and start building synagogues. After all, that's how Europe got their head start, right?
I want to reserve some property near Abwayn myself. Beautiful countryside, from what I hear...
If Israel were the oppressor, then why would the number of Jews in Arab nations and Iran fallen from over 800,000 to less than 1,000 - while the number of Palestinians within Israel proper and the Palestinian territories more than doubled in the last 50 years?
Which one of these is ethnic cleansing? My own parents are born in Halab, Syria, which you should consider before jumping to conclusions. Do you think we all left your countries because of some silly "Zionist" propaganda?
You Arabs have to grow up already. There are other claims on Israel/Palestine than your own. If a another religion was occupying Mecca, you would try to return there, wouldn't you?
Yet Muslims have a mosque on our Holiest place, and throw stones at us from there, and we protect their right to be there! We don't even complain!
But what can we Jews do. I thank G-d that your people are so rediculously obsessed with us that it shows that He/She exists. Better tolerate your hatred than forget that.
So thank you, Kabob.
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