Giuliani Wins “Islamic Terrorism-Bee"

The much coveted Christian Coalition Nominee of the year award was announced yesterday, reports KABOBfest’s senior religious affair correspondent, Chaim Sugerman

This year’s award was presented to republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani by Christian Coalition founder Pat “Iron” Robertson at a black-tie ceremony in Virginia Beach, VA.

In a time of "deadly peril" Mr Giuliani was the best-equipped to maintain "the defence of our population from the blood lust of Islamic terrorists". Said Robertson while playing down Giuliani’s incompatibility with the interests of the religious right.

“The fact that he takes an opposing stand to us on all of the moral issues should not distract from his unwavering crusade against Muslim, I mean, Muslim terrorists, this is no time to concentrate on his pro-gay, pro-abortion, anti-gun agenda; we have a more dangerous enemy now.” Added the host of the 700 Club, who was shunned by god earlier this year.

The Coalition’s Presidential nomination endorsement prize is awarded once every four years to the viable republican candidate who uses the phrase “Islamic Terrorism” the most times during their campaign speeches.

A spokesman for Mr. Robertson said that this year in particular the decision was hard. “Several candidate are well-worthy of the endorsement, yet, they did not use the phrase as frequently are as early in the campaign as desired.” Said the spokesman in a clear reference to candidates John McCain of Arizona, and Mike Huckabee, the former Arkansas Governor.

McCain scored high during the selection process for his refusal to consider facts about Iran’s nuclear program and his relentless advocacy to use overwhelming, uncalculated force against it. However, he was docked points by the selection committee for refusing to endorse torture, and for not using the “Islamic Terrorism” phrase often enough.

Mike Huckabee was also seen to have great conservative credentials, but was criticized for beginning to use the phrase very late in the campaign.

Surprisingly disqualified was former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. “His usage frequency of the phrase came very close to that of Mr. Giuliani,” said the spokesman, “but it was clear to us that Romney's was an effort to disguise from the fact that he belongs to an evil faith himself.”

Variations of the phrase also count towards the award, among those are “Islamic Extremism,” “Islamo-fascism” and “Islamic Radicalism.”

In first reaction to the award announcement from Wall Street, The Dow Jones plunged 360 points in one day.

In other news, the stock price of Sam Adams’ maker, Boston Beer Company Inc. dropped by 25% yesterday on news that Nadeem has been admitted to rehab.