Remember when Will posted Awkwardness in Arabic Class — a KABOBfriend’s account of his first day in Arabic class? Well here’s his most recent submission, and it’s even more hilarious than the last…
So I told you about my Arabic class and my crazy Egyptian teacher, right? Well get this…At our last class he totally laughed at a girl who just found out she’s being deployed to Iraq. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, he followed it up with something to the effect of, “I bet they lured you into signing onto the Army with a free toaster, huh? Well good. It’s fitting. Because now the Iraqis will make you toast!”
Then, after some white girl’s inability to pronounce the “ghaaaaa” sound annoyed him, he instructed the class: “To practice ghaaaaaaaaaa by making pretend that you are being waterboarded by American occupation forces. It sounds exactly the same!”
THEN! During a class exercise in which we were repeating after him the names of Arab countries and their capitals, he totally bitched out this Jewish kid:
Teacher: Fa-la-steen
Class: Fa-la-steen
Teacher: Just joking. There’s obviously no such thing as Fa-la-steen, because that’s Arabic for Palestine.Me: Actually, there is such thing as Palestine.
Teacher: No. Show it to me on a map? It doesn’t exist any more, right Jeffrey? (the Jewish kid)
Jeffrey: No it doesn’t.
Teacher: And why is that Jeffrey? Because you destroyed it for us, right Jeffrey?
Jeffrey: (laughing) Yeah, I guess we did.
Teacher: That’s what I thought. Now repeat after me Jeffrey – the capital of Fa-la-steen is Al-quds.
Jeffrey: Al-quds.
This class is fucking hilarious! I have no idea why no one’s complained yet. If I was a honkie, I’d totally rat his ass out… but for now, shit it’s all laughs for me.
Have interesting tales from Arabic class? E-mail them to KABOBfest.
Related posts:
- Awkwardness in Arabic Class
- Actually Applied What He Learned in Class
- On The Arabic Joke
- No Flying in Arabic
- Arabic Music Played at Nordstrom’s Junior’s Section in Brea, CA!!!
First!
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 8:03 amthat is way too funny! Isn’t that right Jeffrey.
Posted by Ibrahim | February 21, 2008, 10:27 amHaha. That’s hilarious! Where can I sign up for THAT class?
Posted by ally | February 21, 2008, 10:28 amsounds like a quality institution!
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 11:05 amsounds like a quality institution!
Sounds like a made up story to me. Par for the course around here, eh?
Posted by programmer craig | February 21, 2008, 12:29 pmSounds like Craig wants to feel accepted by people on the intarwebs
I only wish my arabic class was that entertaining when I took it, but it was right during 9/11 so umm yeah….
Posted by Mr. Friendly | February 21, 2008, 2:11 pmFunnier than the little sharmoota.
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 2:42 pmI only wish my arabic class was that entertaining when I took it
It wasn’t that entertaining when you took it because it wasn’t scripted. Never fear, you too can make up funny little anecdotes where everybody makes the perfect comments at the perfect time to make a perfect point
Posted by programmer craig | February 21, 2008, 2:55 pmActually it wasn’t funny because the class had to change its location every week due to threats of violence against those taking the class and its professor.
But I guess thats just fine by you.
Posted by Mr. Friendly | February 21, 2008, 2:58 pmBut I guess thats just fine by you.
I guess it doesn’t actually matter what my opinion is, since you already stated it for me. I guess it doesn’t matter if your description of YOUR Arabic class was accurate or not, either.
I should start telling stories about Arabs I encountered when I was in the military. I could make them as entertaining as necessary, and there isn’t much need to make them factual since nobody would ever be able to fact check me, right?
I know you think we should take this story (and yours) at face value, Edmund. Because you have no reason to lie, do you? The subject matter is about Arabs and Jews, which you are completely impartial about.
And besides, we know you don’t have any history of making up false charges of racism. I’m sure your parents really DID name you Edmund because if you’d had an Arab name the British police would have beaten and jailed you for it. That happens to every Arab with an Arab name in Britain, doesn’t it? All those hundreds of Arab bloggers who live in Britain and are proud of their Arab names and don’t complain about being beaten and jailed are Uncle Toms, aren’t they? Sorry…. Uncle Ahmeds.
Posted by programmer craig | February 21, 2008, 3:10 pmHAHAHAHAHAHA CRAIG IS SO FUNNY. SO PATHETIC FOR NOT HAVING A LIFE AND FOLLOWING THE EVERY POST OF ARAB BLOGGERS BUT THATS WHAT MAKES THE LITTLE ANGRY GUY SO FUNNY. HAHAHAHAHHA. KEEP IT UP CRAIG MAN I LOVE READING YOUR RIDICULOUS COMMENTS THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. DID YOU GUYS SEE HIS REACTION TO THE HILLBILLY POST HE WENT WILD AND CALLED QUIQUI A BITCH. AHHAHAHAHAHHA. BY THE WAY CRAIG YOU CAN POST ALL THE FAKE SHIT YOU WANT ABOUT THE ARABS YOU MET HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BET THAT NOBODY FROM THIS BLOG WOULD EVER BOTHER CLICKING YOUR BLOG TO READ ANY OF YOUR POSTS? CAUSE WE DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY AS OPPOSED TO YOU WHO CARES ABOUT ALL THE ARAB BLOGGERS ON THE NET, DAMN NIGGA, I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE. WHY DONT YOU HAVE A LIFE HOMEBOY? THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET YOU AND YOUR NERDY ASS FRIENDS SHOULD TRY GETTING OFF OF YOUR COMPUTERS FROM TIME TO TIME, REAL SUNLIGHT IS GOOD.
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 4:02 pmHAHAHAHAHAHA CRAIG IS SO FUNNY. SO PATHETIC FOR NOT HAVING A LIFE AND FOLLOWING THE EVERY POST OF ARAB BLOGGERS BUT THATS WHAT MAKES THE LITTLE ANGRY GUY SO FUNNY. HAHAHAHAHHA. KEEP IT UP CRAIG MAN I LOVE READING YOUR RIDICULOUS COMMENTS THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. DID YOU GUYS SEE HIS REACTION TO THE HILLBILLY POST HE WENT WILD AND CALLED QUIQUI A BITCH. AHHAHAHAHAHHA. BY THE WAY CRAIG YOU CAN POST ALL THE FAKE SHIT YOU WANT ABOUT THE ARABS YOU MET HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BET THAT NOBODY FROM THIS BLOG WOULD EVER BOTHER CLICKING YOUR BLOG TO READ ANY OF YOUR POSTS? CAUSE WE DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY AS OPPOSED TO YOU WHO CARES ABOUT ALL THE ARAB BLOGGERS ON THE NET, DAMN NIGGA, I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE. WHY DONT YOU HAVE A LIFE HOMEBOY? THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET YOU AND YOUR NERDY ASS FRIENDS SHOULD TRY GETTING OFF OF YOUR COMPUTERS FROM TIME TO TIME, REAL SUNLIGHT IS GOOD.
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 12:03 pmPC,all joking and cut downs aside, are you a Desert Storm veteran? Have you heard the “This American Life” where this Iraq war veteran tries really hard to purge his intense hate for ARabs by joining his school’s MSA? Very touching.
I havent followed you as much as this other commenter but you do seem more angry/hostile and less composed than usual lately. Hope youre ok.
Posted by nev | February 21, 2008, 5:51 pmNev, the only Arab country I’ve ever been to is Lebanon. And I don’t dislike Lebanese. Also, my best friend is an Arab Muslim. And a reader (but not commenter) on this blog.
The only Arabs I dislike, in general, are Palestinians. I’ve never met a Palestinian I could get along with for more than a few minutes. I’ve never encountered a Palestinian on a blog that wasn’t an abusive jerk. Call it racism if you want, I don’t much care. I admitted to that here a long time ago, anyway, so I’m not giving anything away. I also don’t like non-Arab “Palestinian Activists”. In fact, I dislike them even more than Palestinians.
If I seem more hostile on this blog than I used to be, it’s because this blog has become a more hostile place than it used to be.
Posted by programmer craig | February 21, 2008, 6:09 pmI doubt craig has any non neocon friends, I mean his supposed asian wife left him and now he claims to have an arab friend (no self respecting arab of any political affiliation would subject himself to craigs relentless bigotry and apparent lack of employment)
Why else would he be a habitual commenter only on blogs written by arabs and muslims? (sandmonkey, iranian.com, miss mabrouk, this one, bigpharoah.com, mental mayhem, freedomforegyptians,neurotic iraqi wife, saudijeans, melantrys.net, ihath.com, globetrottingrien, et cetera)
did i forget any craig?
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 7:50 pmDude, you are pretty creepy. You did a google search on me? I haven’t commented on some of those blogs in years.
Why else would he be a habitual commenter only on blogs written by arabs and muslims?
You didn’t ask yourself why I don’t comment on any American blogs? Or any Israeli blogs? Interesting.
did i forget any craig?
You forgot to mention any of the blogs I’m a regular on. Why is that? Most the ones you’ve listed, I commented maybe once or twice, and not recently. What’s up with that?
By the way, you’ll find something very different about “this one” from every other blog I comment on. I don’t take THIS ONE the least bit seriously, and I’m quite hostile on THIS ONE. Why is that? What’s different about THIS ONE?
And how is it that you claim to “see me everywhere” but the list of blogs where you see me are blogs I haven’t been on in ages, and was never a regular on? Are you really “seeing me everywhere” or did you just now go and try to dig up some dirt on me?
What a dirtbag you must be.
Nev, how come talk about:
tries really hard to purge his intense hate for ARabs by
To me, but you don’t try to help the bloggers and blog commenters here to purge their intense hate for white people, and Americans? Don’t you think that’s a problem? Some of these bloggers are overtly bigotted in their POSTS, without even getting into the comments. I mean, blatant racism… and you talk to me as if I’m the “only” one with a problem around here?
PS-Hey anon, at least I have the decency to post all my comments under an online ID that is easy to track. Unlike you, chickshit rat bastard. What kind of stuff have you been saying that you don’t want anyone to know about, creep?
Posted by programmer craig | February 21, 2008, 8:27 pmYou missed a bunch yesterday he was looking up IP addresses on Iraqi Mojo. There are a few other Iraqi blogs he posts on like Konfused Kid, some Jordanian blogs like And Far Away and others that I found hillbilly (watch him throw a fit) on. On any given day he visits at least 10 different blogs (Arab and or Muslim) and leaves comments that are pretty bloody long. But I don’t think he was married to an Asian that’s Jeffrey Schuster the other loser with no life that spends his mornings, days and nights jacking off to the Arab blogosphere. I almost feel sorry for them, if you take the Arab blogs away they became empty with nothing to live for. They’re like any addict that just can’t get enough of their drugs, these losers can’t get enough of blogs. I suppose if you don’t have many friends and you aren’t in a normal loving relationship that you would have to turn to something, shame that these fools had to turn to the net.
**Note how even though he admits to hating Palestinians he leaves comments on 99% of the entries here and spends all of his spare time reading and writhing in anger over what Palestinians write. Not a very bright guy, but again, really pathetic.
Posted by Anonymous | February 21, 2008, 9:46 pmSeriously Buydatti, I NEED to sit-in on this class! THe arab-american comedians been redundant with their routines-so I need some fresh blood to sync my hyena chops into
Posted by Maytha | February 21, 2008, 11:03 pmMaytha, you can just make up your own “Arabic class” stories to entertain yourself with
Posted by programmer craig | February 22, 2008, 1:36 amhehe that is funny …
i still dont understand why some people insist on ruining each and every post on this blog by getting into an argument with pc … silent treatment people!
Posted by Jundi | February 22, 2008, 3:00 amWe had a great arabic teacher, who now works for national security, who would look us straight in the eye if one of us was answering a question, and say with complete deadpan, “You should stop talking now because you are wrong”.
Posted by Mehammed "Abou" Mack | February 22, 2008, 6:55 amWe had a great arabic teacher, who now works for national security, who would look us straight in the eye if one of us was answering a question, and say with complete deadpan, “You should stop talking now because you are wrong”.
Posted by Mehammed "Abou" Mack | February 22, 2008, 6:55 amWe had a great arabic teacher, who now works for national security, who would look us straight in the eye if one of us was answering a question, and say with complete deadpan, “You should stop talking now because you are wrong”.
Posted by Mehammed "Abou" Mack | February 22, 2008, 6:55 amWe had a great arabic teacher, who now works for national security, who would look us straight in the eye if one of us was answering a question, and say with complete deadpan, “You should stop talking now because you are wrong”.
Posted by Mehammed "Abou" Mack | February 22, 2008, 6:55 amWe had a great arabic teacher, who now works for national security, who would look us straight in the eye if one of us was answering a question, and say with complete deadpan, “You should stop talking now because you are wrong”.
Posted by Mehammed "Abou" Mack | February 22, 2008, 6:55 amI personally enjoy Programmed Crackhead’s rants.
When he disappeared from our comments section for a while, we started feeling lonely.
I am surprised he thinks this story is made up since it would be just as easily confirm his worst views of non-Lebanese Arabs.
I personally think these stories are interesting because here is a proud Arab dealing with the fact he is teaching Americans Arabic to make a living while knowing that some are learning it for nefarious reasons. He has negotiated a path that lets him have a good conscious.
I had an Arabic teacher who used to throw chalk at me. One time he found me doodling and lifted me up by the ears. He actually was very funny in that goofy Masri-way.
I am not sure why, but learning Arabic, as an Arab-American, from Arab teachers is always torture. I think they feel like we need the back-home treatment. One instructor used to kiss all the whites’ asses then be mean to me and my friend Khaled. Then, we discovered we were related through my aunt’s husband (related in an Arab way, but not a western way). He became even more hardcore after that! He was a Palestinian and only talked about Israel once, when he talked about Israeli soliders singing “wayn a ramallah” when they occupied it in 1967.
Will
Posted by Will | February 22, 2008, 8:09 amMy Arab teacher told me when I was 7 that my parents would be punished by God for not speaking to me in Arabic.
Posted by Anonymous | February 22, 2008, 8:22 amHere is an Arabic lesson from a non Arab, Arabic speaker. The person taking this class needs to give him the following statement next time he starts this stuff. "Inta majnoon". Sa7? Huwa majnoon jeddan.
Posted by أبو سنان | February 25, 2008, 4:52 amPC, yeah that was pretty racist, but youre free to hate whomever you want. I just get exhausted for you sometimes.
Youre right the point of this blog is based in hate but not of people rather of actions. Basically I see this blog and many of the commenters here venting their hate for injustices and hypocrisy. Yes there’s a bias. And that’s b/c people’s love for their race is usually greater than their enemies hate for it. But there is a whole lot of critisism of ARabs, arab culture, arab govts, too.
Dont forget that lots of Arab-Americans are pretty much raised in a white culture and our white hatred that you keep trying to beat down is actually coming from a self depricating place. If that makes sense. Yes, there are FOB ARabs who probably really hate Americans but I would compare these folks to country bumpkins who have been so sheltered from the rest of the world that they have a hard time seeing anyone but their exact same kind (down to the surname) as human. I dont think that’s most of us here. So stop thinking that, kay?
Are you sure your best friend is Arab-Amer? Does he know you guys are best friends? What do you guys talk about?
Maybe you should really try to find Arab-American real people to help make it clear that we’re pretty much human. I dont know why you cant see that from reading this blog, though.
Posted by nev | February 25, 2008, 2:02 pmI am loving these arabic class stories though they do seem more made-up than real. if they are real, even better.
I for one do not care to spend my time reading the ranting raving maniacal posts of you know who. I am starting to feel sorry for him though if it’s true he really spends so much time on so many blogs fuming, spewing, frothing and the like. ya haraam!
Posted by alfannaan | February 26, 2008, 11:30 pm