As counter-intuitive as this may sound, the recent cuts in now five, yes count them, five, underwater cables in the Middle East has led to an increase in KABOBfest hits. KABOBfest senior statistician Chaim Sugarman tracked a nearly 25% increase in daily hits since the cable cuts started mysteriously appearing, all within a week or so.
Given KABOBfest's appeal among American-hating Ay-rabs, such as those running Iran, one would expect hits to this hate-filled packet of binary code to fall. Not so.
While conspiracy theories abound, no one has yet pointed out that KABOBfest has gained the most from this. I am sure some of the Nutty-Buddies who express their anti-KABOBism in our comments regularly will agree with this.
I have my own serious conspiracy theory to toss into the fray. We are finally seeing the handiwork of the US Navy's cadre of anti-terrorism dolphins. As the Guardian reported in 2005:
It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.After they got loose, did they do the only thing they knew to do -- implement their mission?
US Military-trained Dolphins can sniff out excessive hair gel/cheap cologne and kunafa crumbs left in beards.
15 comments:
Actually, we use those dolphins to broadcast radiowaves into the west bank and gaza which make Palestinians stupid and violent. We've been doing it since the 1950s, as you would know if you ever watched the documentary called "Flipper". Tinfoil hats offer good protection against the effect, but the CIA leaked some misinformation that dish towels work just as well. And the rest is history.
Funny, I do not see the Israeli settlers wearing tinfoil hats, though a few wear what seem like dish towels. How precise is your 1950's era radiowave gun, by the way?
You haven't noticed any violent and stupid Israelis, Will? Interesting...
I guess that Craigs story explains the Israeli army helmet. But I infer from the Israeli's "born to kill" slogan on the helmet that it's not working. Dumb ass CIA!
Wait...
Wait...
This shit is *real*?! They're training war dolphins and giving them weapons? They're drafting these adorable, brilliant creatures whose behavior towards humans has been friendly (lifesaving in cases)
and teaching them to attack!?
I thought I could no longer be shocked at how fucking sick and twisted and evil and depressing this government is -- guess I was wrong.
I thought I could no longer be shocked at how fucking sick and twisted and evil and depressing this government is -- guess I was wrong.
This government? I thought you were British?
Well, anyone who comes from the Middle-East who describes the US government the way you do needs to be living under wonderful middle-eastern government, instead of twisted, sick and evil US government. Bye bye.
I just rememebred, the third cable was attack when Um Elabed was downlaoding a Knafeh recipe.
When did I say I was British?
When did I say I was from the Middle East?
And how in the fuck can you be FOR remote-control harnesses that force cute little dolphins to attack? I mean, damn. Isn't that the kind of shit that SUPERVILLAINS do???
And how in the fuck can you be FOR remote-control harnesses that force cute little dolphins to attack?
How the fuck can you be FOR terrorists who put bombs on cute little children and send them off to blow themselves up in a market place, "Saladin"?
How the fuck can you have such a twisted sense of morality?
How the fuck can you call the best government on the planet "sick and twisted and evil and depressing", dude? You do realize that several billion people would kill you dead if they could take your place in this evil land, don't you? You put the US so far down on the "bad" scale that there's literally no way to measure how bad the rest of the world is. All we can say for sure is that everyone else on the planet is worse, right?
Where do people like you come from? Exactly how do these stupidities come to inhabit that thing you call a brain?
"How the fuck can you be FOR terrorists who put bombs on cute little children and send them off to blow themselves up in a market place, "Saladin"?"
a) When did I say that I was for this?
b) why is my name in quotation marks? it's a real name -- and mine -- unlike "Programmer". Confusing...
c) governments are evil, period. But even given this, the US is not the best governemnt on the planet. There are countries that take better care of their own citizenry (denmark, sweden, holland, canada) and countries that do less damage to the rest of the world (every country in the world has a better recoord on this than the US)
d)In response to an earlier post -- Your 'bye bye' is premature. I won't leave this country b/c all my friends and family are here and I've lived my whole life here. The fact that I hate the US govt doesn't mean I owe it to anyone to leave. It's stolen land. Stolen. It doesn't belong to you or to the Defense Department. The descendants of murderers and land thieves don't get to tell other people 'go back where you came from' (or, in the slightly finessed version of yours 'try living in the middle east, then'). Or rather you can tell it to me all you want
e) You've touted several times on this list your anglo-saxonness. I gotta say, your ax-wielding ancestors would be sickened by such slavish deovtion to such an obviously corrupt, crooked, incompetent but tyrannical govt. They were a as-kickingly freedom-loving people and they woulda put a broadsword through Bush's guts years ago...
d) should have ended "you can tell it to me all you want, but all I'll do is laugh"
a) When did I say that I was for this?
Check your letter 'c' and your letter 'd'. You support Palestinian terrorists, just because they hate the US, and you do too. That's plain evil. You like to use that word right? Well look in the mirror. Evil is you.
b) why is my name in quotation marks? it's a real name -- and mine -- unlike "Programmer". Confusing...
Uh-huh. I'm sure your mommy named you "Saladin", didn't she? Weren't you implying you weren't from the ME in a previous comment here? Oh, but wait, next you'll demand I *prove* you aren't from the ME. Dude, tell people your background, or don't. I highly doubt anybody cares enough about you to try to solve the mystery.
c) governments are evil, period.
So you are an anarchist. What a surprise.
But even given this, the US is not the best governemnt on the planet. There are countries that take better care of their own citizenry (denmark, sweden, holland, canada) and countries that do less damage to the rest of the world...
Yep, and welfare programs are all that matter. I notice every one of the countries you name is one that has been standing in America's shadow (where it's nice and safe) for the last 60 years.
e) You've touted several times on this list your anglo-saxonness. I gotta say, your ax-wielding ancestors would be sickened by such slavish deovtion to such an obviously corrupt, crooked, incompetent but tyrannical govt.
Oh, yesterday I get to hear about about Christian beliefs from non-believers and now I get to hear about my own ancestors from somebody who calls himself "saladin" - how cute :D
They were a as-kickingly freedom-loving people and they woulda put a broadsword through Bush's guts years ago...
They would have destroyed Islam and annihilated Arabs for all time, 6 years ago. You forgot to mention that part of their nature, didn't you? If they decided to pop Bush and replace him, it would have been because he was incompetent and weak. Which he is.
Saladin,
Let me give you some advice about the living legend known only as Programmer Craig. He owns these comments sections. He is the indisputable commenting champ of KABOBfest. Of course, this is sheer numbers I am speaking. PC will always get the last word! It may not be the most informed or rational word, but it will be last. No man, woman or child can compete with the prolific talk-backs of the Programmer Craig!
Will
Will
I know. It's kind of like watching the monkeys at the zoo -- totally hilarious for a little while, then suddenly really boring.
Hmmm. Craig must be on Iranian.com, or maybe sandmonkey at the moment, he usually doesn't wait this long to vomit up a response.
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