A recent AP article discussed the US Army's hardships in the area of recruiting Arabs and Arab-Americans to help out with the occupation of Iraq. KABOBfest Arab Mind analyst Chaim Sugarman wrote a secret 43 page memo to the Army, outlining suggestions for recruiting more Arabs.
After not being able to find anyone to read it in the Pentagon, not even the Ethiopian taxi driver who took him there, he decided to release the key suggestions here.
TIPS FOR RECRUITING MORE ARABS TO THE US ARMYFor copies of the report, e-mail Chaim Sugarman.
By. Chaim Sugarman
6) Nancy Ajram and Haifa Wehbe should be on USO tours to perform for the troops.
5) All Army vehicles should be manufactured by Mercedes or BMW and display their logos prominently.
4) Army compounds should be re-furnished. Living areas should have plastic covered, ornate French chairs and sofas with wooden legs and Gold trim.
3) Promotional materials should create the illusion that the Army is staffed largely by blonde American women.
2) The Army should pay Arab recruits and several of their cousins tax-free, under the table, and should bribe Arab Moms to guilt their sons into doing it.
1) The Army should un-occupy Iraq and invade Israel.
11 comments:
Why would they try to recruit Arabs .... why would any Arab knowingly join the U.S. military
Thats like recruiting a black person to join the KKK or recruiting a Jew to join the Nazi movement
Matter of fact why would any sane person join in the illegal occupation and oppression of two entire nations not to mention the third to come if the Israeli lobby has its way and the Israeli lobby usual has its way
-Mohammed Nabulsi
#1 sounds good
The US Army doesn't need Arabs any more, Will. That's so 2004. US troops are going to be out of Iraq in a year or so anyway, and there isn't a shortage of civilians willing to do translation work. The idea of having Arabs in the US military was so that US troops would be better received in Arab countries, but it's a bit late for that, right? :P
If anything, the US military should be recruiting Iranians now. That's the next gig. Preparing for the last war is something the US military loves to do, but it's generally pretty futile.
SHALOM! Will, this was supposed to be classified! I am very disappointed with you.
~Chaim~
wait. Something the US military does is futile?
What you talking about Willis?
KABOBfest breaches American National Security! This is INSANE! Take down this post IMMEDIATELY! See KABOBfestWATCH for more details!
You forgot to mention that all Arabs who join will be given dispensation so they do not have to show up on time to anything.
They will be allowed to operate on AST (Arab Standard Time).
9) Tanks should come equipped with CD player.
8) Flack jackets must be Louis Vuitton or Versacci.
7) Rations must include unlimittd supply of hair gell.
The last two should help respecially with Lebanese and Persians.
8) just staff the kitchens with Arab grandmothers - that would get me thinking.....
why would any Arab knowingly join the U.S. military
Thats like recruiting a black person to join the KKK or recruiting a Jew to join the Nazi movement
People who believe that should not be living in America, and therefore should not be eligible to be recruited, anyway.
Ha ha.. I love the suggestions guys.
Chaim, you're too funny!
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