Arabs Reviewing Movies Part 1-Iron(ic) man

So, I'm a comic book nerd (Shout out to Ragtop). In my 25 years on this planet, I spent about 6 dipping in the alternate reality of comic books. I found it interesting to delve into a place where Earth exists in a different time warp and people have shit like tentacles coming out of their back and spiderwebs coming out their orifices (keep them pants on Peter Parker!). Everytime I see a "remake", or a comic book/childhood cartoon movie come out, I get this childhood-like trance surrounding the film. I'm saying, NO MATTER HOW CHEESY IT IS, I am there. I didn't go see Elektra or Daredevil, and ironically enough, those two ended up together in real life. Those movies sucked so thank God I didn't waste my doe on it. I didn't really read into those characters anyway.

ANYWAY....I had a lazy friday and I went to catch a matinee on my own. So I rolled up into my local multiplex to catch the 1:45 screening of IRON MAN. I watched the first trailer ages ago then I laid low, I didn't feel like catching the dopest special effects in preview format. I told you, I'm a nerd like that. Now, I had heard that there was a Ghostface Killah scene. where the Wally Champ was going to play a Sheikh from Dubai (I would have loved to see how they totally fucked that one up). Last week, I found out that they cut the scene out completely (thank God), although it would gave my mind a pop-culturegasm and my two worlds of music and nerdiness would have been fulfilled. But I digress.

Let me start by saying, Robert Downey Jr. is a great actor...to play a meglomaniac asshole. He's likeable in his arrogance and you want to immediately roll a doob and kick your feet up and listen to him rant away about asshole things (you know he would have bogarted your spliff too). He intertwines witty jokes with social commentary and references to the state of the world over an iced-out glass of scotch. There is a slew of 'stars' in this film, from the high-pitched fervor of Terrence Howard to the Emirates-trim beard of Jeff Bridges, things in this film were well-thought out from the script writing to the casting picks.

This is an introduction film. If any of you have followed the Marvel pattern (if you are a nerd) then you would see that they drop sequel-prone mega-money bangers. There's usually Part 1: The sparsed-action story theme, Part 2: The Mind-fuck super twist and Part 3: The Conclusion blockbuster. Now this is where it got interesting. I knew the film has a Middle Eastern twist. But boy, did this double entendre me in the midst of my experience.

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is a multi-billionaire son of a multi-billionaire weapons manufacturer and is now the leading maker of bombs worldwide. Under the guidance of his father's life long partner (Jeff Bridges), Stark is now entering the next phase of bomb-making. His newest weapon, the Jericho, will be unleashed in Afghanistan to aid curtail the Terrorist Threat. You know, the same one that exists in real life. The Afghanistan I mean.

So they have spectacles of these bombs exploding and Stark selling a shipment to the army, telling his partner "It's gonna be Christmas early this year." I'm not going to give a way too much but it draws out into a kidnapping (what do you expect from Hollywood Muslims?), a freedom moment and a patridge and palm tree.

My main issue was this: How fake it felt to watch Iron Man save an Afghani Man from the grasps of a Pseudo-Terrorist. As the man's son looked up to Iron man with 'you are my hero' eyes, i felt like the biggest asshole in the world. The Wars that have infiltrated into the East have become nothing but a sub-plot; we are the new Vietnam. First of all, what about some accuracy? We can deliver action jam-packed films with a little bit of cultural coding for Jihad's Sake Batman (wrong movie). The Afghani Militants, part of a secretive society called the TEN RINGS, allllllllllllllll but one speak EGYPTIAN. Now, I know I know, these could by the Muslim brotherhood brothers, but really? Like, you couldn't find a single afghani? What about home dude in the Kite Runner (I'm kidding, geeezz)? Ahmed Ahmed also have the 'idiot arab' scene, where an attempt at adding humor to the scene is made at the expense of the terrorist characters being too dumb to realize Downey Jr. is building an Iron Man suit and not what they demanded him to do.

My main issues with most these films that deal with deterring terrorism is that they are REINFORCING IGNORANCE which in turn breeds MORE DESTRUCTION AND VIOLENCE. But this is the world we hath been giventh.....Jack Shaheen shout-outs.
Cultural Counseling is the new thing, get with the program Hollywood. Oh wait, you are the program. I just think its so played out, going to see a movie and catching some slip-up like that. Massive minus points go to the Assistant Producer. I mean, imagine an American Character being played with a British accent. Someone would make a huge uproar about it and its all over TMZ. The film, by the end, did address the obsession with weapons and the need for violence to exist for people to stay rich. So I do give it points.

Otherwise, Iron man saves the day and the Afghanis got nothing to thank him for but freedom. And those millions of craters left in the mountain side. And for some reason, everyone is talking Egyptian.

I remember growing up on He-Man and one thing that stayed with me till this day was the last two minutes. They always had a public service announcement scene at the end, where the mythical characters are in a normal room (lab, bedroom, city). The last two minutes are dedicated to education, messages, life lessons. I would learn something. Kids aren't learning shit but how technology makes reality look realer than life.



Where's a real super hero when you need one? I'm sure a kid in Afghanistan or Iraq or Palestine would really appreciate some back-up right about now.