Kabobfest Exclusive: Chaim interviews Palin on her inevitable Presidency
Sarah Palin, seen above with her future cabinet, gave a much sought after, exclusive interview with Kabobfest special corespondent Chaim Sugerman on what a Palin Administration would achieve for America after John McCain finally dies. Here are some excerpts:
-In Response to Global Warming:
Well for starters, Chaim, and you know, when the “old man” haha, finally passes unto the Lord’s Kingdom, umm, I would probably implement my Global Warming Agenda first: Protecting the Polar Bears is really, like, important- I mean it’s getting warmer these days in Alaska and God gave them these really warm coats of fur. So like, I wouldn’t second guess the needs of the Polar Bears and I would ask God to let our avid hunters come and skin them- I think the impact on the overall health of our hunters is really in our Lord’s plan.
Um, I also think that Alaska will become a great tourist resort mecca, I mean, uhh, attraction- Because the ice is going away so fast! Who knows, like, we could compete with the Florida keys- You know, we have the Aleutian Islands and I pledge in the next 5-10 years a new “drill-ville” on each one, complete with Jesus-Themed parks for our children.
-In Response to concerns that she will no longer be Governor of Alaska and will be essentially Governing the entire nation:
In what respect, Chaim?
-On energy independence:
Well, Chaim, as you know, I have executive experience in, like, what I have worked so hard in, that I have tried to make clear is, that we produce a large percentage of the energy needs that America consumes, that energy independence is needed by America. You see, Chaim, we need to let these entrepreneurs drill for energy independence, because if we don’t we will be dependent on the same Middle East oil that we support Israel for and if we don’t become independent then we won’t be able to meet our energy needs. I mean, It’s so cool that we have gold under the ground, and like God sent me here, from under the umbrella of my church to pray for an oil pipeline.
-On National Security:
“Pray Away the Gay” Centers for every city in America, especially for San Francisco and Manhattan.
-On her experience in International Relations:
Chaim, as you know I have seen Russia from the window in my church and the State of Alaska is so special because it borders an international place, Canada, you know, thats why when I’m president I’ll make my son Track my Foreign Policy Advisor, because I heard you can see Iraq from Kuwait. You can see Canada from Alaska too, so I have the executive experience in overseeing these places, uh, in seeing these places and when I went to Mexico I saw how great America is and how the people want to be safe, and how Israel will make us safe against Iran. You know, Chaim, we can’t second guess Israel in any attempt it makes at making the region safer- We can’t second guess if they need to protect themselves from any threat, then America is a friend, and we can’t second guess it’s always our friend. You see?
-On the Economic Woes of Americans:
You know we can try to create more jobs, like for instance I’ve been praying for this Natural Gas pipeline in Alaska- It’s like a 30 Billion Dollar project and I asked God to bring the Companies together with the people to make it happen, and like, we can concentrate on good old American values of hard work and faith in the Lord, and America is stronger than it’s ever been and to the nay sayers I say thanks! But no thanks! Haha, but, you know, all that stuff doesn’t do any good if the people of Alaska’s heart isn’t right with God.
-On the War:
Well you know this is very important, Chaim, there are two types of people in this world: Those who walk with God and those that don’t. I think this is the most important war we have ever been in, you know the bible tells us to be warriors for God and if God tells us we have to go to war with those who don’t believe then we have to fight. It’s a post 9/11 world and they don’t believe in our American ideals and we are a free, and we are a free thinking democracy that all Americans can have that hope instilled in us, and we have to give them hope through Christ, thats why this war is so Holy…. Aaah, Oh! You meant the war in Iraq?
