Sarah Palin, seen above with her future cabinet, gave a much sought after, exclusive interview with Kabobfest special corespondent Chaim Sugerman on what a Palin Administration would achieve for America after John McCain finally dies. Here are some excerpts:
-In Response to Global Warming:
Well for starters, Chaim, and you know, when the “old man” haha, finally passes unto the Lord’s Kingdom, umm, I would probably implement my Global Warming Agenda first: Protecting the Polar Bears is really, like, important- I mean it’s getting warmer these days in Alaska and God gave them these really warm coats of fur. So like, I wouldn’t second guess the needs of the Polar Bears and I would ask God to let our avid hunters come and skin them- I think the impact on the overall health of our hunters is really in our Lord’s plan.
Um, I also think that Alaska will become a great tourist resort mecca, I mean, uhh, attraction- Because the ice is going away so fast! Who knows, like, we could compete with the Florida keys- You know, we have the Aleutian Islands and I pledge in the next 5-10 years a new “drill-ville” on each one, complete with Jesus-Themed parks for our children.
-In Response to concerns that she will no longer be Governor of Alaska and will be essentially Governing the entire nation:
In what respect, Chaim?
-On energy independence:
Well, Chaim, as you know, I have executive experience in, like, what I have worked so hard in, that I have tried to make clear is, that we produce a large percentage of the energy needs that America consumes, that energy independence is needed by America. You see, Chaim, we need to let these entrepreneurs drill for energy independence, because if we don’t we will be dependent on the same Middle East oil that we support Israel for and if we don’t become independent then we won’t be able to meet our energy needs. I mean, It’s so cool that we have gold under the ground, and like God sent me here, from under the umbrella of my church to pray for an oil pipeline.
-On National Security:
“Pray Away the Gay” Centers for every city in America, especially for San Francisco and Manhattan.
-On her experience in International Relations:
Chaim, as you know I have seen Russia from the window in my church and the State of Alaska is so special because it borders an international place, Canada, you know, thats why when I’m president I’ll make my son Track my Foreign Policy Advisor, because I heard you can see Iraq from Kuwait. You can see Canada from Alaska too, so I have the executive experience in overseeing these places, uh, in seeing these places and when I went to Mexico I saw how great America is and how the people want to be safe, and how Israel will make us safe against Iran. You know, Chaim, we can’t second guess Israel in any attempt it makes at making the region safer- We can’t second guess if they need to protect themselves from any threat, then America is a friend, and we can’t second guess it’s always our friend. You see?
-On the Economic Woes of Americans:
You know we can try to create more jobs, like for instance I’ve been praying for this Natural Gas pipeline in Alaska- It’s like a 30 Billion Dollar project and I asked God to bring the Companies together with the people to make it happen, and like, we can concentrate on good old American values of hard work and faith in the Lord, and America is stronger than it’s ever been and to the nay sayers I say thanks! But no thanks! Haha, but, you know, all that stuff doesn’t do any good if the people of Alaska’s heart isn’t right with God.
-On the War:
Well you know this is very important, Chaim, there are two types of people in this world: Those who walk with God and those that don’t. I think this is the most important war we have ever been in, you know the bible tells us to be warriors for God and if God tells us we have to go to war with those who don’t believe then we have to fight. It’s a post 9/11 world and they don’t believe in our American ideals and we are a free, and we are a free thinking democracy that all Americans can have that hope instilled in us, and we have to give them hope through Christ, thats why this war is so Holy…. Aaah, Oh! You meant the war in Iraq?
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That’s cute. As Islamofascists super sensitive about ANYONE making ANY statements on Islam which contradict the teachings of Osama bin Laden, you launch into (poorly written) drivel attacking, belittling and twisting the beliefs of 80 million Christian Americans.
Beautiful. For those of us urging a real crusade, complete with turning your Caliphate cities to glass, your hatred is just the infusion of energy we need.
Posted by Anonymous | September 12, 2008, 1:34 pmhaha, you silly infidel- the poor grammar was that of Palin’s, not ours.
get yer Jesus on, bruh! Im with you!
Posted by Tarik | September 12, 2008, 1:45 pmThis is real cute. Obama now demoted to having to face a Veep who could make even a Burkha look good. With so many lost boys out there, like Obama and his kin: alluding here to Osama and all the poor rich kid Bin Laden’s… What a source of complete hilarity on a worldwide scale.
Why is Palin suitable for Veep? Because she has raised teenagers… and that my friends qualifies anyone to run the nations of this era of Houdini’s.
Congratulations, your interview review hits all the points exactly on the head; heads of the most comical clowns to ever be public figures since Bozo. No one can ever hide again behind childish implicit motives.
Face it, elite is so over. And we who discuss it in here and face off with each other are dangerous to those who are motivated to gain advantage with insider information. Just wait, we are the next Scape Goats: not Christians, Moslem’s or Gays.. but Bloggers !
Posted by MooPig_Wisdom | September 12, 2008, 7:22 pmI like it Mr T. I heartily dislike Islam but having a go at evangelical Christian barking right wing pro hunting Republican nutjobs is ok with me too.
With McCain and this lunatic women at the top the world will be a very dangerous place.
Posted by xoggoth | September 13, 2008, 10:30 amCan we please retire the Chaim Sugarman character? It’s not cute, it’s just insulting and uncomfortably blackface-like.
Posted by Joe | September 13, 2008, 11:29 pmHe likes it. How else is he supposed to get Pali pussy?
What’s your problem?
Posted by Anonymous | September 14, 2008, 8:46 amI never got the point of posts having anything to do with “Chaim Sugarman,” and I’m sure newcomers to Kabobfest, which I’m sure you’re hungry for, won’t understand the posts either. Please make fun of people using some other way.
Posted by poopo | September 14, 2008, 8:54 pmSugartits is a Jew.
He is the token Jew on this blog.
He “makes a funny” to demonstrate that Jews who suck Arab dick and accept dhimmi status will be tolerated.
Posted by Anonymous | September 15, 2008, 12:11 pmIt’s the whole “Jew-face” thing that makes it so ugly and uncomfortable. You want to parody Zionists? Great, parody Zionists. Zionism is a political ideology, like liberalism or conservatism, and there’s nothing wrong with unapologetically parodying it.
But plenty of Jews aren’t Zionists, and plenty of Zionists aren’t Jews. And Chaim Sugarman reads wayyyy more like a not-terribly-friendly parody of the Jews than he does like a parody of Zionism.
It comes off, frankly, as anti-semitic.
Posted by Joe | September 15, 2008, 4:30 pmThere you go throwing the anti-semite. So tired of Jews claimeing antisemitism every day! Everything is antisemitism! Everything is the holocaust! Who gives a shit about your antisemitism! Stop murdering children BITCH
Posted by Anonymous | September 15, 2008, 6:41 pmyou know the bible tells us to be warriors for God and if God tells us we have to go to war with those who don’t believe then we have to fight
It sounds like you translated this from Arabic, word for word. But this is my favorite! Can someone translate to Arabic with english characters?
“Our soul and our blood we will sacrifice for you, oh Sean”
That’s what I wanna hear from my bitches, bitches
Posted by Sean | September 15, 2008, 6:50 pm“”There you go throwing the anti-semite. So tired of Jews claimeing antisemitism every day! Everything is antisemitism! Everything is the holocaust! Who gives a shit about your antisemitism! Stop murdering children BITCH”"
Uh, what the fuck are you smoking? I don’t normally claim things are anti-semitism, but I think this is.
Also, murdering children? I’m a Jew. I’m not a Zionist. Why do you assume I’m responsible for murdering children?
Can we agree that the assumption that because someone is Jewish, they’re also a Zionist, is anti-semitic?
Also, nice sexist language there at the end! Very illiberal of you.
Posted by Joe | September 17, 2008, 7:04 pm“It sounds like you translated this from Arabic, word for word”
Thats the point, cupcake… christian fundamentalists and the saudi line have much in common.
merry christmas, sean
Posted by Tarik | September 18, 2008, 10:33 amchristian fundamentalists and the saudi line have much in common
So you claim.
I’ve never been bothered by the bible thumpers. I’m more worried about the people planning tactical, mass casualty assaults on my synagogue in the Saudi desert.
Posted by Anonymous | September 18, 2008, 10:23 pmCan we agree that the assumption that because someone is Jewish, they’re also a Zionist, is anti-semitic?
What makes you a Jew, Joe?
Posted by Anonymous | September 18, 2008, 10:26 pm“”What makes you a Jew, Joe?”"
I identify as a member of the tribe. Other Jews (at least, the ones who I’d give a shit about) accept me as such. There’s no central authority that has the power to revoke my membership card. I’m a Jew, baby.
Posted by Joe | September 19, 2008, 2:32 amI didn’t ask how you identify, who accepts this identification or who doesn’t.
I asked, what makes you a Jew.
Posted by Anonymous | September 19, 2008, 11:44 am[Anon] ..what makes..?”
Jews are chosen; therein lies your question, I think.
Happy to help.
Posted by MooPig_Wisdom | September 20, 2008, 10:30 pmI’m not sure how that answers anything. Again, Joe:
What makes you a jew?
Posted by Anonymous | September 21, 2008, 8:24 am