After spending years watching Arabic music videos, (and in light of my recent gluttonous binge-fest on guiltfully addictive Khaleeji music), I have noticed some common themes in these videos that I would like to surigically dissect for and share with you:
-Characterized by a peculiar assortment of chubby/overweight and rail-thin manorexic body-types
-Clothing and Accessories:
Khaleeji-Thobs, Jallibeeya, keffiyahs wrapped around heads, canes (if you are cane-dancing that is), beard-mustache combo, and aviator sunglasses.
Shami/Masri-”Western”-style monochromatic top and blazer combo with glued on-Diesal jeans.
-Hair (shami/masri): If any facial hair, a light layer of beard scruff, spiked hair (if it’s on the straight side or manageable curls), patted down with Extra, Super Control Gel (if it’s curly).
-Khaleeji-
Hair: If they cover, two inches of front bangs showing.
Make-up: Eye shadow from the lid to the beginning of the eyebrow. Composed of at least three different colors/shades and applied in a Pollack-esque way as in seen in Diagram 1.1:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTQC2xY4BZk]
Diagram 1.1: “La Tasafair”
-Shami/Masri:
Hair and clothing: If you are of the Haifa or Nancy fare, you don’t dance. You either prance or string together model poses in an attempt to pass off as “dancing.” Wouldn’t want to mess up “le brushing” with any worked up sweat now would we?
-If there are a group of dancers or additional video performers include at least one bottle blond to demonstrate effect of internalized colonial self-hate/Nordic-envy. If not present, substitute with the cousin of “internalized colonial self-hate”-a chick with blow-dried or flat-ironed straight hair.
1. Cardio-vascular:
Wholesome Hands-off relationship: The singer will die for his/her video-girl/boy.
Cue Scene: The singer looks melanchonyily at a rain-stained window in a dark room as the forlorn lover mourns the painful distance between him/her and his/her object of desire-then cue a triumphant touch-less reunion.
Also occurring: riding horses side-by-side on the beach.
2. Endocrine: Tease-factor
Women decked out in tight-fitting ’3be duds, prancing around and not really doing anything to anybody, but nonetheless prancing around-whether it in lingerie as they kiss “wa-wa”s on a 5 year-old boy’s knees or stroming through a desert in combat boots, booty-short and bikini camouflage ensembles.
3. Digestive/Urinary: Rolling end credits
We wouldn’t want to forget to thank Nadia’s catering services and the 32nd child of King Abdullah for finacing the video-would we?
4. Muscular: Horse-back riding
Previously mentioned in the female organs section.
5. Nervous: Old Folk/Bedouin Throwback Look:
Clothing, towns, dances like ardha and dabkah, to demonstrate “Arab” or “bedouin” authenticity. And then in the next video said artist will probably be wearing a skin-tight Kuffiyah print T-shirt-or all of the beautiful self-neo-orientalizing and internalized psychological colonialism wrapped into one video.
Video featuring all systems: Cardiovascular, Endorine, Digestie/Urinary, Muscular, Nervous:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1b3GwfI9rE]
Diagram 2.1: Mayssa “Se3eidy”
Related posts:
- Arabic Music Played at Nordstrom’s Junior’s Section in Brea, CA!!!
- And The Winner of the KABOBfest 2006 Music Video Award Is…
- Music Video about Palestine
- Zidane’s New Career: Music Video Star
- KF Exclusive: New Bin Laden Video
umm, were you drunk when you wrote this?
Posted by Anonymous | October 19, 2008, 5:40 amAnything by Jad Sawaya taps into the mammary fixations, but it also reflects how easy guys are!
Posted by Anonymous | October 19, 2008, 10:44 pmBeds Lingerie explosions in paint factories (that’s the make up) cars horses etc. anything goes sex sells!
Posted by SXTZ | October 19, 2008, 10:47 pmwhat the hell man? he chased her to the airport and sat around and missed her?
Posted by Emily | October 20, 2008, 8:06 amI know Emily. But I can’t lie. Like an uber pubescent teen I was happy he didn’t get the girl because it allowed me to imagine that I had a chance with khaleeji homeboy. You know what, my next list is going to be a compliation of the hottest Arab men.
Posted by Maytha | October 20, 2008, 8:46 pmhaha. ok. i nominate mohammad hamaky.
Posted by Emily | October 21, 2008, 7:13 amha i read mohammad and thought YES. then i finished the line. asshole.
Posted by Mohammad | October 21, 2008, 2:29 pmhani salama!
Posted by ally | October 21, 2008, 2:36 pmI nominate iron sheik….
maytha- yer hilarious… you forgot to break down the shitty music. what about horrible robo-vocoders in place of actual vocal talent??? sheeeeeeiiiiiit….
Posted by Tarik | October 22, 2008, 3:32 amTarik-Ha-that’s a WHOLE separate post/discussion topic. This one was only devoted to deplorable and ridiculously ludicrous music video antics.
you can have a stab at it…for now, I’m WAY too excited about this list of hot arabee men Im bout to compile! Such excitement makes me feel like such a shameful Cosmo editor. Speaking of which-thank you Emily and Ally for the suggestions and thank you Mohammad for once again providing the useless self-centered commentary.
Posted by Maytha | October 22, 2008, 4:16 pmTarik-Ha-that’s a WHOLE separate post/discussion topic. This one was only devoted to deplorable and ridiculously ludicrous music video antics.
you can have a stab at it…for now, I’m WAY too excited about this list of hot arabee men Im bout to compile! Such excitement makes me feel like such a shameful Cosmo editor. Speaking of which-thank you Emily and Ally for the suggestions and thank you Mohammad for once again providing the useless self-centered commentary.
Posted by Maytha | October 22, 2008, 4:16 pm