Thanks to living in the outskirts of a more populated metropolitan city, I was fortunate enough not to walk away with a six hour waiting line story. In fact, it took more time to walk to my designated polling center than the wait and voting process combined.
When I approached the table to receive my ballot, I noticed that my name was down twice. Once with the correct spelling of my last name and the second time with the obama/osama one-letter switcharoo. Now, had I been an exceptionally corrupt civic deviant I would have taken that opportunity to keep my mouth silent and come back later to cast my second vote. And as the incompetency of the polling system and workers I am about to expose reveals, it would have been easier than running a city of 9,000 people.
Not only did the poll worker catch the computer-generated mistake, he didn’t even ask to see my ID. Even when I insisted and forced the lamented plastic in front of his face he asserted “Oh I don’t need that.” After that exchange, it took him about a minute for him to comprehend my explanation of my duplicated presence on the registered voter list. I had to physically point to both names on the sheet to show him the error. Even after that, he insisted “Well those are different last names.” Only after I showed him that the same address information and first name were listed for both entries did he cross off the incorrect name. Hmmm, I wonder what would have happened if he actually checked IDs. This was proof positive that it doesn’t take organizations like ACORN to rig the system, the system can sufficiently screw-itself over without any outsiders’ help!
Right before I went inside a polling booth, I heard an alarmed cry from one of the poll workers: “The machine is down again Phillip (name of dude in charge of the scene changed).”
Stains from the ink pen used as the form of voting by my polling place were splattered all over the text of the ballot. The stains gave a clear indication of the more popular selections on the ballot. For some reason, I found this other guffaw suspect as well.
After the 5 minute exercise in what my country considers the pinnacle of civic engagement, I walk back to my car proudly strutting my “I voted” sticker. Apparently I really was strutting because more than a sticker was applied to my boob area. An uncomfortable lecherous stare zero into my ta-ta region from a fellow voter following me to my car. It was that kind of awkward approach to hollering that consisted of following me from behind only to periodically outpace me to catch the eye contact he desperately hoped meant that i was inviting to hit on me. For the first time in my life I was actually saved from a debacle by a policeman. The said cop, who I noticed from earlier inside the polling station, was waiting in the parking lot with his traffic violation ticket book out and pen in hand to play a prank on his buddy, the small town lecher, and pretend to give him a ticket. So caught up with this genius prank, the lecher was distracted from his AM pursuit, and I was free to go home safe!
So in a span of 10-15 minutes or so, I noticed a couple of potential fraud voting scenarios, saw the polling machines dysfunction, and was close to being hollered at at a polling station. What a thrilling election day!
Well, if there’s one thing I will try to do more than once today it will be to go to a couple of different Ben and Jerry’s to get more than one free ice cream!