I missed the inauguration of Barack Obama this morning because I was burying the Palestinians dead in the Gaza War. I woke up this morning at 10:00 am after an unusually deep and prolonged sleep and realized that I missed the inauguration ceremony. As I got up, a bit surprised, for I had gone to bed early expressly for that purpose, I remembered that I dreamt that I was in Gaza burying the Palestinians dead from the Gaza War. The dream was especially vivid. I was exhuming and extricating bodies of dead Palestinians killed in the last three weeks in Gaza. I was in destroyed building of concrete and metal and my claustrophobia was set on high as I tried to pull out bodies from under the rubble with other Palestinians. I was calm and determined and, shockingly even now, not sad. My father was in Gaza as well, burying the dead with me.
Being an Arab-American is, at times, excruciatingly painful. One would think that simply being oneself, as the ubiquitous tropes remind us, is easy. But for me, yet again, my Arabness has trumped my American identity and precluded me from an American experience that I was genuinely looking forward to. It is hard to reconcile the Arab and the American when one is killing the other within me. It is hard to understand how I was burying the Gaza dead, my relatives whose loss is mine, while I partially paid for the weapons and elected the government that brought about their death.
I left for work and walked out into a parallel universe of people excited and inspired by the inauguration. Callers to NPR talkshows hyperventilated about tears flying, crowds crushing, inspiring words, convention halls and gathering places from Juno to DC. But I was not excited, nor inspired. My original zeal for the Obama campaign has been tinged with a dash of disappointment after a few interesting choices for his cabinet and later marred to the point of disillusionment and despair after his response to the Gaza massacre: another President, another war, more ambivalence, equivocation and prevarication. As I listened to snippets of his speech for the rest of the day, I knew I didn’t miss much. And while I am as American as I am Arab, I knew that I did the right thing. Today Gaza needed me more than Washington, DC.
Related posts:
- Killing the Dead
- Gaza: No More Room to Bury the Dead
- How’s that ceasefire going?
- Racism is dead! Long live racism!
- Eyewitness in Gaza: 4
Sama,
I felt exactly the same:(
I really was looking forward to celebrating today but Gaza never left my thoughts.
Posted by Anonymous | January 20, 2009, 2:40 pmI am sure ther is a great victory in Gaza.Thousands of Gazans are on the streets and celebrating. I am happy for their victory over israel. When I heard that over 100 israelis were killed ( according to IRAN TV I was delighted. Don’t believe israel propaganda. Many tanks were damaged and a couple of israeli soldiers captured.
Posted by Yaakub(Yaakov) Sullivan | January 20, 2009, 2:54 pmIt’s only a matter of time. There is definitely no victory for Israel as per the NYTimes.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/21/world/middleeast/21israel.html
Posted by Sama Adnan | January 20, 2009, 2:57 pm100 Israelis killed? That’s pretty pathetic, ever for Arabs. I remember reading about how in 1948 and 67 the Arab broadcasters were still shouting what a brilliant victory the arabs achieved against Israel when in reality they got their asses whooped. Israel has shown they can drop 20,000 heavily armed soldiers anywhere in “Palestine”. The “resistance” is less than impotent. It is irrelevant.
Posted by Anonymous | January 20, 2009, 3:45 pmI’m not an Arab, but I felt the same way. I wasn’t looking forward to the inauguration and wouldn’t have paid much attention to any of it if my brother wasn’t visiting and had the TV turned on. I feel not even the slightest sense of relief that George W is no longer our president, as I have zero confidence this guy is going to do any different. If anything, I have a real fear he may very well be worse. As I look at what just happened in Gaza, at the cowardly, despicable acquiescence of our government in this crime, my stomach turns at the thought that Iran, or Syria, may be next on the hit list. Maybe that’s too “cynical” for some, but a cynic loves nothing better than to be proven wrong.
Posted by Sean | January 20, 2009, 3:46 pmVery well written and oh so very true! a co-worker told me she was bawling during his speech. I told her I wasn’t very inspired, maybe because I am still trying to wrap my head around the over 1300 massacred men, women and children who – till now I have yet to hear him comment about.
I am very interested to find out who exactly he was directing the following part of his speech to
“for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you”
I would like to think he was speaking directly to Israel but then again how realistic is it for me to think that he was directing it to ‘America’s best friend and the only democracy in the middle east’
Samar
Posted by Anonymous | January 20, 2009, 3:52 pmHamas fires mortars on Palestinians
KabobSnot Silent.
Posted by Anonymous | January 20, 2009, 4:33 pmI was more curious when he said this nation will not use “missiles and tanks”. I’d like to believe he was talking about Israel… but I don’t like hints. I don’t think now is the time to be vague. Another surprise was the fact he actually used the word “Muslim” in his speech. That’s the first acknowledgment he made towards the very Americans who had felt alienated throughout his whole damn campaign!
Like many of you, I didn’t care much for the inauguration. I nearly forgot it was today. Unless I see some drastic changes to our twisted policies in the Middle East, only then will I feel that this country finally has its act together. Besides, a speech is nothing but a bunch of words. Actions matter more.
Posted by SouthAsianReader | January 20, 2009, 6:19 pmAnonymous who said, “I told her I wasn’t very inspired, maybe because I am still trying to wrap my head around the over 1300 massacred men, women and children who – till now I have yet to hear him comment about.”
Well put.
Posted by Jillian | January 20, 2009, 9:05 pmI am sorry for 1300 dead but frankly if an average Gazan family has 10 kids, therefore it is only a matter for 100 families.I am sure that after the war many Gazans will rty to make more kids and this can be corrected in short time.
Posted by Yaakub(Yaakov) Sullivan | January 20, 2009, 10:34 pmI would delete the comment but I think we would rather let the world see how peaceful Israelis are.
Posted by Sama Adnan | January 20, 2009, 10:43 pmSama Adnan, isn't Yaakub on your side (Islamofascist)? I think he meant the Gazans can pop out 1300 more in a jiffy in a good way, like a morale building thing to say. At least that's how I read it.
Posted by Anonymous | January 20, 2009, 10:18 pmSama-one of my favorite posts in a long while. Thanks for this.
Posted by Mohammad | January 21, 2009, 7:32 amI, too, had an utter and complete lack of excitement for days leading up to the inauguration – felt sort of depressed actually. And it was due to a feeling of dreading that there may not come any shift in US policy on this matter. However, this remains to be seen.
And, I would add, that it is foolishness, I think, to discount this new president completely because we may not get traction on one issue that is very, very dear to us.
I felt enormous relief that W is no longer our president – if you did not, I fear you are not being rational.
We must persist in our activism to gain influence in this affair. We must be patient, smart, and proactive.
Posted by alfannaan | January 21, 2009, 10:03 am