The Washington D.C. Kabob-investigative bureau recently obtained a draft copy of President Obama’s much heralded upcoming address to the Muslim world. Here are the highlights:
1) I am totally against brutal dictatorships in the Muslim world, like the regimes of Hosni Mubarak and King Abdullah…
2) I am so happy to be here in Egypt today. I wish I had studied Egyptian in college so I could speak to all these fine people I see as they dive out of the way of my motorcade.
3) Some of my best friends are Muslim.
4) Hold up, WTF? I just learned my first name is Arabic too?
5) I love, love, looooooove Islamic food!
6) My administration is going to start being a lot more critical of AIPAC.
7) Not so important exactly what he says, but he will say it loudly and slowly to make sure they understand.
8) I love Islam. Trust me, you tell some girl at Columbia you are from Kenya and quote some Rumi — You are in like Flynn!
9) I saw Louis Gossett Jr.’s depiction of Sadat and you Hosni Mubarak are no Sadat!
10) I am feeling a little bit like Malcolm X on his historic trip to the region.
11) I wanted to wait until this moment to declare that I am in fact a “secret Muslim”. I will be nominating al-Qaradawi to the vacant spot on the US Supreme Court in short order, inshallah.
[Tarboush Tip: Will, Fayyad, Um Mazen]Filed Under islam, Nimr, obama, satire