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Obama’s Address to the Muslim World: Preview

The Washington D.C. Kabob-investigative bureau recently obtained a draft copy of President Obama’s much heralded upcoming address to the Muslim world. Here are the highlights:

1) I am totally against brutal dictatorships in the Muslim world, like the regimes of Hosni Mubarak and King Abdullah…

2) I am so happy to be here in Egypt today. I wish I had studied Egyptian in college so I could speak to all these fine people I see as they dive out of the way of my motorcade.

3) Some of my best friends are Muslim.

4) Hold up, WTF? I just learned my first name is Arabic too?

5) I love, love, looooooove Islamic food!

6) My administration is going to start being a lot more critical of AIPAC.

7) Not so important exactly what he says, but he will say it loudly and slowly to make sure they understand.

8) I love Islam. Trust me, you tell some girl at Columbia you are from Kenya and quote some Rumi — You are in like Flynn!

9) I saw Louis Gossett Jr.’s depiction of Sadat and you Hosni Mubarak are no Sadat!

10) I am feeling a little bit like Malcolm X on his historic trip to the region.

11) I wanted to wait until this moment to declare that I am in fact a “secret Muslim”. I will be nominating al-Qaradawi to the vacant spot on the US Supreme Court in short order, inshallah.

[Tarboush Tip: Will, Fayyad, Um Mazen]

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2 Responses to “Obama’s Address to the Muslim World: Preview”

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