(This was originally posted over at my own blog – you can read the comments – negative and positive – there)
Last week, I read Judy Bacharach’s “Twice Branded – Western Women in Muslim Lands” (bint battuta already dug into it here). You may also want to take a gander at the growing catfight between Phyllis Chesler and Naomi Wolf (documented pretty clearly on Chesler’s site)
The article, which you ought to go read before continuing here, basically outlines how western* women are treated in Muslim countries – according to Bacharach, we are forced into marriages, or if we choose to marry, our husbands will turn on us Not Without My Daughter style, or if we don’t marry, we’ll be branded as loose women. Real thoughtful stuff.
Okay – let’s get the truths out of the way first. Yes, there have been cases of women moving to certain Muslim countries with laws on the books that take away former nationality upon marriage (Iran has done this, whether you’re a believer of Betty Mahmoody’s story or not). Yes, there have been some highly publicized cases of forced marriage in Egypt. And yes, there is a prevailing attitude among some young men in some countries (including non-Muslim ones – anyone been groped in Italy?) that western – especially American – women are loose. Acknowledged, moving on.
That said, the first rule when writing about Muslim countries is to lump all Muslims together, as if they are one brainless homogeneous blob. The second rule, of course, is to ignore all of the happy, positive, and successful marriages between western women and Muslim men (or, assume that if there is a divorce, that it must have been because the man was Muslim…because, you know, no two people from the same culture ever divorce!) And while you’re at it, simply ignore any positive experiences in general from women in the Middle East and North Africa that don’t fit your agenda. The third rule is that you must never, ever, place blame on the poor western woman who went to a chatroom, met her husband-to-be, fell in love without ever hearing his voice or seeing his face, then flew a thousand miles to marry him and then – oh noes! – found that he wasn’t who he said he was. The fourth is that you must only trust the viewpoints of “Muslim reformers” and apostates: Muslim women are never to be trusted. And of course, never forget the most important rule of writing about Muslim countries – you must, must take every anecdotal incident as gospel.
Let’s go through these again, with examples.
Rule #1: All Muslims Are the Same.
Because of her experience, the occasional young American woman who is thinking of marrying a Muslim with an urge to return to his own country visits Chesler for advice. And she tells them what she knows: “This man you love will change overnight before your eyes. You will live but you will wish you were dead.”
Oh yes, Phyllis Chesler. The same Phyllis Chesler who says things like:
Most Muslim girls and women are not given a choice about wearing the chador, burqa, abaya, niqab, jilbab, or hijab (headscarf), and those who resist are beaten, threatened with death, arrested, caned or lashed, jailed, or honor murdered by their own families.
Ahhh yes, the ol’ argument that Muslim women are forced to wear hijab. Exempting Iran and KSA, which both have laws on the books, I fail to see how Chesler could arrive at the conclusion that “most” Muslim women aren’t given the choice. Is she privy to some information that I’m not? Has she entered the households of Muslim men and women to determine who is, and is not, forced by their families? Even if she had, would she listen?
But let’s move on, to Rule #2: Ignore Positive Examples
My friend Nasser says that he was told by “a leading female American journalist” that the press is “not interested by success stories of western women.” I don’t disagree. Take this lovely story in Saudi Aramco World: Nancy Abeiderrahmane is a British woman who has lived in Mauritania with her husband for 30 years and is responsible for commercializing camel milk in the country. Of course, the story doesn’t even touch on Nancy’s marriage (why would it?), making it totally uninteresting to western feminist journalists. Even if they were to pay attention, Nancy’s success in Mauritania would be treated as an anomaly.
In other words, nobody hears about the tons of western women who have successful marriages with Muslim men. No one hears statistics at all, let alone personal stories. That would simply blow their minds, and screw up their perspective that allows them to keep their hate nice and fresh.
Rule #3: It Is Always the Muslim’s Fault
There are lots of horror stories – some of which I’m sure are true – of western women marrying Muslim men, going to live in their country of origin, and finding out that things were not as they previously seemed. As much as I can’t stand Phyllis Chesler, I don’t doubt her life story (she married an Afghan peer in the U.S., moved to Afghanistan with him, and was mistreated by him and his family). And yet, I can’t doubt her naiveté: Who moves to a foreign country on a lark without doing their research? Same goes for Betty Mahmoody, who was blissfully unaware that Iranian law would consider her an Iranian, not an American. I feel sympathy for these women and how they were treated, but I also question the lack of blame placed on them – and the surely hundreds of women since – who have gone to a country with their husband or to marry someone, not learned the language, not studied the culture, then placed all of the blame on Islam, capitalizing on their stories in the process.
As one commenter on Bint Battuta’s post remarks:
The women I have tried to help in Jordan had no clue what they were getting into. Some of them were just plain uneducated and not smart. Some were mentally imbalanced or so thoroughly victims their marriages never would have made it in the US.
I’ve seen plenty of this myself, too. It’s becoming very common for Canadian and American women to meet Moroccan men online then travel there to live for a time, get married, and return home with their new husbands. Some of these marriages are successful – typically when the woman lives in Morocco for awhile before the wedding – but plenty of others fail precisely because the woman goes into it without bothering to understand her husband’s culture, or find out what he believes about things like religion and children, or assumes that she can change him.
Rule #4: Only Trust Muslim “Reformists.”
When was the last time you heard the opinion of a woman wearing hijab cited in popular media? Never? Exactly. That’s because all women are forced to wear hijab, of course!
What I find particularly funny is how these criticists (what else can you call them?) frequently remark upon how Muslim women are oppressed and silenced by Muslim men, then continue to oppress and silence them by not considering their voices in the media.
The rule, of course, is that you can only consider the voices of Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Irshad Manji, Wafa Sultan, and Mona Eltahawy. Theirs are the only valid voices of Muslim women, because they’ve realized the error of their ways.** Never trust a woman wearing hijab – obviously someone put her up to it. Which brings me to the last rule…
Rule #5: Take Every Anecdote As Gospel
In her piece, Bachrach shares an anecdote about being told she should take her hamburger to her room rather than eat it in the hotel’s restaurant as if it were gospel. Chesler, in a recent piece, uses sweeping generalizations like “It is well known that the Arabs and Muslims kept and still keep sex slaves” and “A fully ‘covered’ girl-child, anywhere between the ages of 10-15, may still be forced into an arranged marriage, perhaps with her first cousin, perhaps with a man old enough to be her grandfather, and she is not allowed to leave him, not even if he beats her black and blue every single day.”
It’s important, of course, that whenever you have a negative experience in a Muslim country, you make general, sweeping statements about how that experience is the norm. Nevermind the thousands of Muslim women who are waiting until they finish their educations to get married. Nevermind the legal reforms. Obviously, only negative experiences count. Because…
Remember: All Muslims Are The Same
And don’t forget – all Muslims are exactly the same. If one forces his daughter to wear hijab, they all must. If one beats his wife, it must be because the Qur’an told him to do it. And if one young Muslim woman gets a PhD and then chooses a husband…oh wait, no…that would obviously never happen.
*I hate the term “western” but until somebody finds a better way to reference a population, I will continue to use it. But let it be known…I think it sucks.
**My opinions on these four women differ; I am grouping them together because the mainstream “feminist” pundits do.
Related posts:
- Campbell Brown: Some of my best friends are Arabs and Muslims
- Rise of the Secret Muslims!
- Saudi Girls Deserve Sports Heroes, Too
- Muhajabats in America: Over-exposed?
- Muslims Boycott Europe
Pretty funny article, makes some points I guess. You have a cool website – first time I've seen it
It would be funny to see your thoughts on Irshad Manji, she's pretty witty you know.
Posted by eagle007blogger | September 11, 2009, 1:09 amShe has some good points, but she can be shrill at times.
Posted by Shafiq | September 11, 2009, 8:54 amWell, thank you.
I'm not a Manji hater, but I do think she condescends to the pious in the same way most "reformists" do.
Posted by JillianKF | September 11, 2009, 7:53 pmOkay so though it was irritating to read the article on western women in muslim lands….she raises several issues that I feel are not addressed enough and DOES happen.
She tends to exagerate a lot on the harassing but no doubt, its prominent. Egypt is known to be the sexual harassment capital but it is def. not unique to Muslim countries.
Hijab is EVERYWHERE in Egypt not (just) because the men are making them wear it, but mostly because its the style now. Someone should take Judy to 6 October, the hijabi whore capital. Girls in hijab (even niqab) pay guys for sex. I'm serious. I have seen it.
Point is, this girl bases too much on her limited observations to be allowed to write this lengthy piece on Western women in Muslim countries.
But the Quranic and Islamic roots to some of these restrictions on women ARE true. There IS a link between sharia-compliant and women's right's. But that's another issue I still got to come in terms with as a Muslima female myself.
anyways, the fact that she takes Hirsi Ali seriously pretty much made this entire article worthless.
Posted by lena | September 11, 2009, 4:24 amThanks for the quote mention, Jillian. Very well done.
I wonder though, if at times you and I both live too much in the 'magnanimous foreigner' role of accepting much of what goes on in Muslim lands with women as we love/enjoy the people so much (and want to be very careful of 'colonial feminism'). Lena is right that it is easy to minimize Quranic and Islamic roots of issues more as 'culture'.
At times, not wanting to fall into or provoke an Islam-slander fest such as is seen in other blogs, I will steer clear of it. A Muslim human rights attorney here in Jordan reminded a group of us of this: without acknowledging these roots, and addressing them in the masjid, we will be reduced to damage control for women who really need help.
Chesler obviously still lives deeply out of her years as an American wife in Afghanistan, which is only one country in the region. Her voice, and that of even the other 'apostates', still needs to be heard to round out the conversation as much as extreme imams who liken women to raw meat for cats. Not the only voices, but their experiences do represent a percentage of women. But I do hope she changes her tone and tenor.
Lena, I would be careful of throwing out an article based on a comment from one person. All voices in the narrative provide an angle to consider, not matter how unseemly they are personally.
I've been thinking a lot about this issue, and have an article of my own swirling around in my head.
Hijab is as much cultural as religious. We have Iraqi friends who are converts from Islam to Christianity, and would never dream of not wearing the hijab. Not that it would make them obvious and in danger, but that it is just a part of being Iraqi, not a symbol of oppression.
My American Muslimah friends find freedom in their hijabiyya status. They never struggle with unwanted attention like I do. It gives immediate respect and even free taxi rides. When I go downtown, I wear one to avoid attention, but it is almost counter-productive as then I get a lot of unwanted inquiry as to my religious and marital status.
A young convert from Islam from a Gulf country told me: "Do you know how marvelous it is to feel the wind in my ears and experience my hair fly free?" For her, she would love to remove her hijab for life, but she would definitely lose her life if she chose rebellion. She doesn't want to be Western, she just wants to feel the breeze.
I would tend to agree with Chesler that for most out of Amman Jordanian women, hijab is not an issue of choice. It is a religious and cultural requirement that most would not even think of abandoning, or want to. Maybe next time I am in a village, I will ask some of the women.
Oops, went off on hijab, which is not the main issue. I will use this post as a resource in the future.
Posted by kinzi | September 11, 2009, 8:54 amYou're right – there are certainly points that are true; but like I said at the beginning, articles should neither ignore those facts nor make them everything…the "Muslim world" is huge and certainly not homogeneous!
Posted by JillianKF | September 11, 2009, 7:47 pmkinzi the correct term is muhajaba or the slang term "hijabi".
Posted by ahmed | September 11, 2009, 1:34 pmAhmed, shukran, I wondered if I needed to double feminize it since there is obviously no masculine form.
Posted by kinzi | September 11, 2009, 3:23 pmKinzi I didn't throw off the article. I read the whole thing and to use someone who is known to have an agenda against Islam AND has admitted to lying in her old books just to get asylum status does not deserve credibility. So yes, for a writer to quote someone as controversial and as unreliable as Hersi as a reinforce(r) to her own skewed opinion only reassures me of my suspicion the entire time I was reading this – unreliable.
Like I said earlier, since she obviously uses Egypt often as example….why did she not see the obvious culture about the fad of hijab? Or the rising prostitution and sexual liberties of many women in some of the cities. This isn't just 'dl' stuff, it's pretty well known if she bothered to talk and travel just a little bit further.
And Saudia Arabia…same thing. There is a hidden society (not so hidden, its been exposed plenty of times) where men/women are completely Westernized. There are lots of literature on this, like 'Girls of Riyadh' for example.
Posted by lena | September 11, 2009, 4:16 pmAnd in response to your 'hijab' diatribe…as a girl that wears hijab. I wore it by choice. My sister, not so much. But it's not as simple to categorize girls that choose to wear it versus those that are forced to wear it. There is, like everything else in this world, a broad spectrum of human-choices. Many girls families are consevative and have often 'pressured' them but not necessarily forced. My sister only wears it so she doesn't upset my mom, who has shown her affection towards it throughout our childhood. Where do you put her in this 2-category system of yours? I know plenty of girls that are thinking about wearing it but just don't…..why? because the PRESSURE of living in the U.S and the emphasis on beautiful flowing hair.
Posted by lena | September 11, 2009, 4:22 pmKrista & Sobia from Muslimah Media Watch wrote a similar guide earlier this year, followed by an actual guide.
Posted by Fatemeh | September 11, 2009, 6:01 pmOh my god, and here I thought I was being so original! How embarassing. Thanks for pointing that out, I actually hadn't seen it
And it's awesome!
Posted by JillianKF | September 11, 2009, 7:45 pmWhat's the purpose of this post? Are they really western women today who would move to a Muslim country not knowing and accepting the risks?
Posted by programmer craig | September 11, 2009, 9:02 pmYes, there are. I met plenty of them in Morocco.
And it's not only about "risks"; it's also about having some sort of sense of what to expect.
Posted by JillianKF | September 12, 2009, 3:49 pmI echo Jillian for Jordan, Craig. Most don't do their homework. Some who do think they are not at-risk, that love will conquer all.
Posted by kinzi | September 13, 2009, 6:47 pmI guess it must be the old "nothing bad can happen to me" syndrome. A long time ago a friend of my wife's lived in a really bad part of LA because she wanted to be near all the trendy areas, but couldn't afford to actually live in one of them. I remember visiting her and thinking she was effing crazy. Obvious gang activity everywhere, people dealing crack on the street corners in broad daylight, etc. And there she was, a single girl living in the middle of all that, and the wrong color to boot. Sometimes people do stuff like that and get away with it. And sometimes they don't get away with it, and when that happens it changes their life forever. You know what though? I really don't think education works on the people who willfully have blinders on. I think that being informed of the risks might even make it seem more exciting and attractive to people like that. I suppose my question was just based on wishful thinking…
Posted by programmer craig | September 14, 2009, 12:52 amI keep wishing too, Craig. I have meetings with two new women this week to talk through their ability to make their marriages work.
Posted by kinzi | September 14, 2009, 8:01 amMy response HERE.
In parody I am saying to all women in the world: "Got Freedom?" Claim it.
Posted by Patrick Darnell | September 13, 2009, 3:30 am