23 Items Every Arab Immigrant Brought in Their Luggage

1. Marami’ah, sage for tea lovers, only to learn than tea is only one drink out of a million hot beverages and a gazillion tea blends conveniently placed at the closest supermarket.

2. Roasted Arabic coffee, only to find the local grocery store sells superior brands for less. You will end up leaving the package untouched once you find out even shitty places like 7 eleven and McDonald’s sell coffee for a dollar a pop.

3. Towels, the ones you use after you shower…one towel is fine two is fine too, but why did you Ahmad have to bring half a dozen?

4. Prayer Rug or a rosary, only to learn that you are not nearly as religious as you thought you were. Of course you will end up giving those items away to the first curious American.

5. Falafel mix shaping mold, only to find out that you really do not feel like eating falafel anymore since American kitchens are not designed to handle the Falafel odor. However when you decide to eat them, they sell them frozen molds.

6. A grandma’s Bible or Koran that she insists to send with you for protection and nice dramatic story telling.

7. Brass vintage coffee pot “Bakraj” that makes a nice decoration until your roommates start using it as a beer pitcher.

8. Vibrant Hookah with all the gear and fixings, only to find out that your new apartment has a no smoking policy and you are late to the party. Of course the local police will confuse it with the bong.

9. Bakhoor or room scents mainly brought by kids form the Gulf to use in their tantaric sex sessions with that girl from Wisconsin.
10. A black and white picture of your non-smiling grandparents in the old country wearing traditional dresses and standing a mile apart.

11. Embroidery products and small flags to give out to anyone that smiles upon you, welcomes you and compliments you on your really good English.

12. Milookhya, or Jew’s mallow, the Hash like green leave that your American roommates will know as “ that Yucky Mucus” as they scream from the top of their lung once they taste it.

13. A music record for Om Kalthom or Fayroz to beef up your music credentials and remind you of the good old times. Of course that’s when you will have your first fight with your new roommate as he/she mocks your taste.

14. A Kaffya, the traditional scarf that you take as a symbol of your heritage, but everyone in your new home seems to disagrees with you. At least not until the world went on Kaffya fad last winter.

15. A traditional national dress garb to reflect your pride in your home country. Only to find out that your country men do not appreciate your misguided efforts in clowning around their culture to crazy ethnic ladies. Also a drag queen might appreciate the gift more.

16. Zatar, thyme blend for dipping pleasure. The newly hired TSA agent will definitely give you a peculiar look as he/ she attempt to confiscate your magical blend.

17. A bucket of Hair Gel, like your new home needs any more grease.

18. Hard duty blankets; like America, a country with mostly cold weather has not discovered blankets yet, but not to worry top gun you are on your way to Texas.

19. A poster of Haifa/Nancy/Elisa until you discover Hanna Crazy Montana

20. Sajj to bake your fresh bread on…oh wait, nevermind that’s a fire hazard. We all know that the ICE agent will mistake that for a shield.

21. Boxes of dates-can’t lose your old-world virility. Might as well be the only dates they will get in their first year.

22. Gigantic egos

23. A shit load of conspiracy theories.

Bonus

Battery-operated Alarm clock, never mind that most Arabs are destined to be late, but they always pack their alarm clock next to their prayer rug.

[Tarbioush Tip: Suneela, Jillian, Anas, Yousef, May ]

Tags: arab world, arab-americans, Arabic, Arabic culture, fashion, Hanitizer, music, pop culture, satire

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