Ray Hanania Needs Circumcision to Stay Afloat
The presidential candidacy of a Palestinian-American, Ray Hanania, has been ruled unconstitutional by the Palestinian Authority. Last month, the Chicago native and self-proclaimed “peace activist” announced his intention to run for President of Palestine by uploading a schnozz-shot video to YouTube and creating a Facebook group.
While Ray enjoys popular support in Zionists circles, he remains relatively unknown to many Palestinians. (In his defense, he is becoming somewhat of a YouTube sensation among stoners and Cheetos fans who’ve dubbed him “Palestinian Internet President Dude.”)
Noting Hanania’s relative obscurity, Ahmad Azahar – a Ramallah native who runs a Kool-Aid manufacturing plant – commented: “Who is he kidding? The net is slow in Palestine so Ray’s revolution will never be downloaded!”
The Palestinian Central Election Commission, the government body that oversees Palestinian elections, disqualified Hanania’s candidacy after he failed to pass a detailed health examination. Such examinations are standard practice in the Occupied Territory. To Hanania’s dismay, he was rejected on count of his uncircumcised penis. “Palestinian law states that all candidates seeking the high office must be circumcised,” stated an official who wished to remain unnamed. “The election commission requires these medical exams to ensure that all candidates have the testicular fortitude to stand up to the Israelis. In Ray’s case, we never had to go beyond the obvious.”
When asked if Ray could get a speedy circumcision to qualify for a campaign run, the official responded: “Candidates and electoral lists participating in the elections are forbidden from using campaign funds raised from external donors and foreign sources to finance such things. Given how cheap and pathetic his YouTube videos are, we highly doubt that he will be able to afford the medical expenses on his own.”
Election officials offered numerous other reasons for his rejection:
“Ray has a show called ‘Mornings with Ray’ that no one in his home country can even stomach,” grumbled a junior-level administrator. “How do you expect us Palestinians to take five years of that?”
There’s also the issue of Ray being an ardent supporter of the Chicago Cubs – who, as most baseball fans know, have been cursed since 1945. “C’mon! We got the curse of ‘48.” complained another administrator, “we don’t need to import another one!”
Ayman Talib, a professor of ethics at Najah University, opposes Ray’s candidacy for a different reason: “He is the master of political cross dressing. If all of Palestine’s assholes unite and vote for Ray, he may very well be our next president.”
Fortunately for Palestine, a recent poll conducted by the Tubas Sun-Times ranked Hanania a distant 9th in his candidacy for president – barely defeating a one-legged Palestinian Debkah instructor only known to locals as “Makhmoosh.”
Both members of Hanania’s campaign staff have thus far refused to comment on the Palestinian Central Election Commission’s decision to disqualify his bid for presidency. However, they did release a statement boasting his strong points: “The fact of the matter is that Palestine needs a tough guy to run things in Palestine – and Ray is just the guy to do it. When he does a pushup, he isn’t lifting his body off the ground, he’s pushing Palestine down.”
More as this story develops.
[Tarboush Tip: Programmer Buydatti]
Very funny guys. Your all "majnoons." For the record, my penis is circumcised and pretty huge.
um… okay.
I think Ray Hanania should prove that he has a "pretty huge" penis by posting an up close n' personal video of it. At least that would be more interesting than his psycho rants.
Is that really you? Youz a damn fool and your opinions are in the minority.
I kind of object to this post because I see religious/sectarian undertones, but maybe I am wrong.
What religious/sectarian undertones? All 3 major religions in the historical Palestine circumcise. Ray's penis is just a special case.
I distinctly recall a post Will made where he was ranting about Christians who practice circumcision. Seemed an odd post to me at the time, since not only are virtually all Arab males circumcized but most American males are too… and Will, an Arab-American, finds the practice abhorrent. I guess Will won't be running for President of Palestine, eh?
Wasn't Bill Levinson the guy who always harped on Will's uncircumcised penis? Is that you Bill?
I thought it was Will himself who liked to talk about it so much, no?
So it is you! Welcome back Bill! We missed you.
most Christians don't circumsise. it is wrong and disgusting. they know better than to mutilate their children.
how could people cut skin off of their penis? why would anyone want to do that? you loose sensation. you morons have no idea what you're missing.
enjoy your mutilated genitalia.
That's only true in Europe, and I don't think there are many actual Christians in Europe anyway. Oh, and let me add to the "enjoy your extra flap" comment below, with an "enjoy your STDs and penis fungus"!
You seem pretty experienced in this area.
Is it some kind of big mystery to you, Sean? Let me guess: you grew up catholic? lol
It is a mystery to me what most guys have under their foreskins. Glad you're so well…informed. First hand experience?
First hand experience?
Yeah, I guess you could say that. In addition to gym classes w/mandatory showers, I played football and ran track & cross-country throughout my school years. And then I spent 6 years in USMC infantry. And now I go to the gym 3x a week. All of which have communal showers/locker rooms. I take it you never played sports, never go to the gym, never served in the military and had nerd waivers that got you out of physical education when you were a kid?
Which of us is atypical, Sean? :p
Macho, macho man! Your self-congratulatory claims to manliness all seem to be based on coming face to, uh, face, with other guy's schwantzes. Good to know that when it comes to peckers, you have the situation well in hand.
Haha programmer craig goes to the gym to look at dongs.
Are you accusing me of being gay now, Sean? Who'd have thought that on top of everything else you'd be a homophobe lol
That doesn't make any sense unless you believe its ok for gay guys to look at other guys' penises in the locker room.
Talk about "not making sense"…
There has always been a curious blending of homerotica, hypermasculinity and violent homophobia in the fascist aesthetic. Anyone who's ever seen a Nazi propaganda film knows there is an almost pornographic fascination with the male physique in these films, invariably showing men engaging in manly stuff, like taking showers together, serving in the military, doing sports and working out in the gym. Why am I not surprised our resident fascist seems to share this fascination, and it didn't take him long to establish his showering-with-men macho credentials when I made a little jibe about his penis fixation.
Consider this little vignette about Leni Riefenstahl's Nazi propaganda film, "Triumph of the Will."
I Beautiful Aryan men pledge loyalty to each other, sweat together, and then shower together…. the viewer becomes engaged, simultaneously, in an all male world, and an invisible heterosexual woman’s erotic eye, resulting in a male homosexual dream—more powerfully surfacing in the context of National Socialism, which was simultaneously homosocial and anti-homosexual. Yes, fascism has a homoerotic component…
http://mfj-online.org/journalPages/MFJ41/schulman...
No Craig, you're not gay, just a typical fascist.
Nice try, Sean. But you're the one who is so afraid of male sexuality that you've either been avoiding it since you were a child or you close your eyes real tight and sprint past everyone every time you are confronted with male nudity. Do you even use public restrooms? And to top it all off you accuse me of being gay for speaking openly about something that's pretty much common knowledge. There's a lot going on with you and unfortunately you can't make it go away by implying I'm a fascist. Especially since you already know I'm a libertarian, which is pretty much the polar opposite of fascism.
Yes, when I am in a public bathroom I do try to avoid staring at other guy's junk. It's called "manners." I didn't accuse you of being gay, I accused you of being a typical fascist. You're too thick to realize when someone is pulling your (third?) leg for laughs, chiding you for what is obviously common knowledge among men, and of of course watching you respond with typical "I'm not gay!" macho insecurity.
As for libertarians, they are a mixed bunch, with many claiming the label being little better than right wing authoritarians and fascists. You definitely fall into that group.
Right, Sean. You didn't accuse me of being gay. And "libertarian" is a synonym for "fascist". Your statements are beginning to resemble "slavery is better than freedom", they are so bizarre.
Right, Sean. You didn't accuse me of being gay. And "libertarian" is a synonym for "fascist". Your statements are beginning to resemble "slavery is better than freedom", they are so bizarre.
I never said "libertarian" was a synonym for "fascism." Why do you lie like this when my remarks are right there for people to see? I said is the libertarians I have enountered are a "mixed buch" with many being little better than fascists. That is not the same as saying "libertariansim is fascism." I would say the same thing about a lot of so-called liberals I have met, as well.
I call you a fascist not because you are a libertarian, but because you consistently display elements of the fascist mindset in your posts.
These are:
1) Extreme ultranationalism and group identification.
2). Extreme "us vs them" mentality with the "other" always being portrayed as subhuman or wholly without redeaming qualities (see your recent coments on Palestinians.)
3). Extreme racism. Hostility and aggression directed towards out groups and individuals. Trolling.
4). Glorification of the military and military values as well as aggressive machismo.
5). Belief in the use of violence as a fundamental instrument of international and domestic state policy. (See any comment of yours on Gaza).
6). Uncritical acceptance of information from official government or media sources.
7). Demonization of those who question the system.
The authoritarian personality is an influential theory of personality developed by University of California, Berkeley psychologists, Theodor W. Adorno, Else Frenkel-Brunswik, Daniel Levinson, and Nevitt Sanford in their 1950 book of the same name. The personality type is defined by nine traits that were believed to cluster together as the result of psychodynamic, childhood experiences. These traits are conventionalism, authoritarian submission, authoritarian aggression, anti-intraception, superstition and stereotypy, power and "toughness," destructiveness and cynicism, projectivity, and exaggerated concerns over sexuality.[1] In brief, the authoritarian is predisposed to follow the dictates of a strong leader and traditional, conventional values.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authoritarian_person...
Justin Raimondo is a libertarian, and I wouldn't accuse him or libertarians like him of any of these traits. It's posers like you who hijack the label that warrant the fascist tag.
http://www.examiner.com/x-18425-LA-County-Nonpart...
America or its military are not fascist.
There is fascism in the world today – its called Islamofascism – the ideology of the Islamic extremists.
Its funny that you always refer to Nazism, when actually it was theArabs who agreed with Nazi fascism.
Its really funny how you wish to draw every evil committed by the West to Muslims, using even the flimsiest of connections.
So what if Husayni was sympathetic to Hitler. You can't really blame him can you? Look at the ethnic cleansing the Zionazis perpetrated on the Arab populations before and after the creation of Israel.
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1139587.html
So what if Husayni was sympathetic to Hitler? You can't really blame him can you?
Right, thank you for making my point.
Sean2009 wants to try to sully anyone who doesn't agree with him by comparing them to fascists or Nazis, but in reality the fascism at work in the world today is Islamofascism, and the ones who agreed with the Nazis were Arabs, not the West.
You connect Husayni (a British nominated mufti) to Islamofacism and have no shame blaming the Arabs for Hitler's Holocaust!! I imagine Holocaust victims squirming in their graves at the insolence of today's neo-nazis.
OK. Using your method of deduction, Sherlock, we can safely state that because AIPAC darling Ray Hananis is an avid Zionist, therefor all Arabs are also Zionists.
Bravo. I can imagine you getting a peace prize next year with Ariel Sharon(posthumously).
By the way, it's kind of cute the way you accuse somebody of being gay and then accuse them of being a homophobe. It's almost as if you don't realize calling somebody "gay" is classically homophobic behavior :p
Show me where I accused you of being gay. I'm quite certain that any homosexual feelings you may or may not feel are tightly repressed.
I'm not gay, but I'm in love with Sean2009.
Something about the way you talk and the speed at which you replied to this post makes me wonder if you really having any sex at all. P.S. American started to circumcise during WWII for some health reasons.
Quick and extra money for the doctors. The beginnings of creating "problems" so we can "solve" them.
It was implemented to try to stop masturbation. The same guy (John Kellogg) who promoted circumcision also advocated pouring carbolic acid on the clitorises of little girls also to stop masturbation.
tl;dr John Kellogg was batshit crazy.
Palestinian Christians do, in fact, circumcise. Enjoy your extra flap…
So, anyway, Hanitizer… what exactly was it about that video that you object to? His ideas seem both possible and rational. Let me guess: you have some irrational and impossible ideas you are pimping?
I do not really have any ideas to pimp….my comment was about the quality of the video not the ideas, ideas are a dime a dozen.
Well, this post certainly gave a new meaning to the "tarboush tip" …
Ha ha… you naughty Sana you.
Can I call you Sanapede?
Wait what? Sanapede? That's new. Where is this coming from? Knock yourself out.
Ray is a gift to the Palestinian people and to the people of the Middle East, more generally. He is promoting moderate ideas that are taking heat from both sides of the conflict. We need to support people like Ray. This article seems to be trashing him in a backhanded sort of way. That's too bad.
Since when is apartheid a "moderate idea"?
Ray's vision of peace is only moderate in that some Zionists agree with it. It is not one welcome by the people who actually suffer dispossession and Israeli dominance.
Ray may have the best intentions in the world, but he confuses a solution that is agreeable among political elite with being one that is workable/sustainable, actually providing people with security and gives justice to the historic narratives of both people. His answer a two-state segregation will only destroy Palestinian livelihood and dignity, and keep most of them further from their ancient homeland.
The bloggers on this site only attack him in these ways because of his righteousness, his false labeling of people who disagree with him as terrorists and his juvenile and primitive KABOBfest charred blog.
His answer a two-state segregation will only destroy Palestinian livelihood and dignity
Yeah cuz the Palestinians have so much dignity and livelihood right now. Right.
This post is seriously "khara."
HAHAHAHAH khara. That so funny. He said khara! LOL
Well, at least it takes one to know one
LOL. You'r great Hani.
Not too long ago, I had the Pleasure of meeting Ray and his wife, I was hanging out with my Gal Pal.. Who's parents are close friends with Ray's wife.. I think she was speaking of Bar Mitzvah's for their son.. Ray's son.. Jew school or something like that.. Anyways, Ray walked up and said we are making peace.. everyone laughed.. He then said he was working on his stand-up and they all made small talk.. I totally forgot about this incident until I read this post.. I swear.. I was 16 at the time, private school in braces, and very, very unaware.. Needless to say the friend, she lives in Israel now.. friendships we make when we are children. I never new until recently that Ray is Palestinian!!!! WOW…