Early Thursday morning, Hamas spokesman Ayman Taha announced the establishment of a fat camp in the Gaza Strip. “We are reaching out to America,” Taha stated. “We’ve witnessed its First Lady’s quest against childhood obesity and want to help. What better place for fat American kids to lose weight than in Gaza?”
Citing a recent study conducted by Hamas Nutritionist Chaim Sugarman, in which American fat camps were found to be failing due to their inability to prevent kids from smuggling in snacks, Taha declared: “I challenge fat kids to try and smuggle candy into Gaza’s fat camps. We don’t even have candy!”
Reaction to Hamas’s announcement was mixed.
Ahmad Yousef, a Hamas supporter and the owner of Gaza’s only donut shop, rejoiced. “I hope these fat kids break free and visit my store,” said Yousef. “Every diet should allow for some cheating.”
Meanwhile, Morton Klein – President of the Zionist Organization of America – pleaded:
“America can’t agree to this! For security reasons, Israel prevents brands like Kashi, Smart Ones and Dannon’s Light n’ Fit from entering the Gaza Strip. Michelle please send America’s fat kids to Israel instead!”
Dr. Saleh Abu Laban, a Hamas-appointed camp counselor, seems optimistic about the project’s success – estimating that most participants will lose as much as 30 pounds in just two weeks:
“Just the thought of living in Gaza will help them shed five pounds. Actually trying to get in will help them drop another 10. Two weeks of no mayo, ice cream or pasta – all of which are banned by Israel for security purposes – will melt away 10 more. Then there’s the problem of actually leaving Gaza once inside… which will easily force them to lose an additional five pounds.”
Dr. Abu Laban believes that the benefits of Gazan healthy living may even affect fat kids’ families: “Just the thought of your child living in Gaza will probably cause you to sweat off a few pounds.”
Local medical professionals concur with Abu Laban’s scientific conclusions. However, First Lady Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment.
[Tarboush Tip: Programmer Buydatti, Adam Shapiro]
Related posts:
- Israel, Not Hamas, Bans Music in Gaza
- Ten Things Hamas Got Right in Gaza
- At the Ballot Box, Trouble is Brewing for Hamas
- Screwed! Or How I Gave Hamas a Headache
- KABOBfest Exclusive: IDF Finds New Hamas Document
We should play "Guess That Beard!" Ray Hanania is wearing a photoshopped beard from what famous Arab? (btw, it's scary how well it fits his face)
Posted by Programmer Buydatti | February 26, 2010, 4:30 pmIs it Nasrallah? Great post Hani
Posted by MohammadKF | February 26, 2010, 5:07 pmAwesome. Unbelievably Hilarious!!!!
Damn Gaza could earn a LOTTSSA MONEie$$$$ just opening a fat camp for rich White n Chinese fat kids!!
WOW talk-a-bout an opportunity in adversary.
Posted by OooKhalid | February 26, 2010, 5:59 pmThe pictures makes our buddy look a bit like Yousef Islam (Cat Steven)
Posted by Hanitizer | February 26, 2010, 9:51 pmIs Ray wearing a leather shirt in the picture?
Posted by Programmer Buydatti | February 26, 2010, 9:58 pmGood for Hamas!
I would call it "boot camp" or "healt camp"instead.
I was dispappointed by the First Lady Michelle Obama
lack of resonse on this issue. That does not surprise after all.
When it comes to criticizing Israel or expressing sympathy towards
Palestinians, US officials have no backbone, and are no where to be found!
Posted by Mahmoud El-Yousseph | February 27, 2010, 4:25 amI met Ray Hanania twice during the last 4 years, and I have to admit, that the potograph of Ayman Taha
has great resemblance to the funny guy, R.H.
Hey, it is nice for change to read a postive story about Hamas that does not involve firing rockets at the town of Sedrot and distrupting th sleep of poor Jewish children.
Isn't Israel imposing starvation deit on Palestinians in
Gaza by its coontiued illegal and inhumane siege?
Posted by Mahmoud El-Yousseph | February 27, 2010, 4:45 amThe Gaza Diet could become the new trend, the next thing you know there'll be a "Gaza Fat Camp" reality show!
Posted by Abdul Alhazred | February 27, 2010, 8:38 amAnother great way to exercise… THROWING STONES
Posted by LOL | February 28, 2010, 12:59 pmThose wacky Palestinians in Hebron… getting a good workout
Posted by LoL | March 2, 2010, 3:57 pm