"Are those Joe Boxers? Man, they really fit you well. But I'm sorry, you're gonna have to remove those as well."

The next time you hear a Palestinian complaining about daily humiliations experienced at one of the many military checkpoints (or, as IDF soldiers are now calling them, “pit stops”) in the Occupied Territories, bring up the troops of Company 11 of the 7001 Battalion.

These soldiers discovered an ingenious way to make those living under Israel’s illegal military occupation feel a little less… well… occupied. And it’s not patronizing at all!

Ha’aretz reports: “Most Arabic expressions soldiers learn are designed to order civilians to stop, open the door, identify themselves and present ID papers.” However, the “IDF [is] trying something new in the West Bank: politeness.”

The idea came from Eliezer Cohen, an IDF reservist, poet and social worker. “I wanted to see if it was possible to see Palestinians as human beings and not as potential threats who suddenly take out knives or pipe bombs,” said Cohen. “This is antithetical to the entire viewpoint on which we were educated in the army.” (Wow, that’s some terrific social work Eliezer!)

So how does a soldier who’s duty it is to make someone’s life a living hell act a bit more polite? Simple.

“In the beginning, instead of starting the sentence with ‘Wakef’ (stop), we said ‘Sabah al-heir’ (good morning). This changed their reaction almost immediately,” Cohen said.

“Instead of saying ‘gib al awiya,’ ordering them to show ID, we said ‘min fadlakum’ (please ), with an emphasis on the request,” he said. “But it wasn’t just the words. We decided that we would look everyone in the eye and that we would not aim our gun at anyone. This is out of the assumption that the overwhelming majority of people are interested in quiet and going to work.”

Seeing as Israel specializes in white washing crimes against humanity, it’s strange that this approach to herding Palestinians through checkpoints (sorry, “pit stops”) wasn’t tried sooner. (Perhaps if Israel places an anonymous suggestions box at every one of its check points, it can continue to improve on the occupation!)

In any case, KABOBfest came up with a list of polite commands Palestinians are now likely to hear at checkpoints/pit stops:

• “Congratulations, you have won a free, all expenses paid detenti…err… i mean vacation at Israel’s FAABULOOUUSS, all-inclusive Ofer treatment center!  All rights reserved.  Void where prohibited.  No substitutions allowed.  Taxes and daily resort fees not included.”

• “Oh, hello, young lad!  Are you off to school today?  We mustn’t have that!” *bang*

• “Excuse me, do you mind moving a little to the left? I’m trying to get the perfect shot.” *bang*

• “We apologize for having you sit outside in this hot sun while we search your vehicle.  We know you’re fasting which is why we hope you’ll appreciate the shade provided by the observation tower. Ramadan Kareem!”

• “Pardon me Ma’am, is this your home? If you don’t mind, please step back a few meters so we can begin our free demolition… thank you so kindly.”

• [Shouting] “Dear sir… I will soon be firing this tear gas projectile in your general direction. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you.”

• “We’re going to have to ethnically cleanse. Please step aside. Thank you for your cooperation. Just to be extra nice, if you don’t complain we just may make you President! “

• “Oh, what a lovely liver you have.  Hope you don’t mind if we steal that.  Thanks so much”

• From the 90s: “We’re going to have to break your bones. Hope you don’t mind too much.”

• “If you would be so kind, please take off all of your clothes and bend over so that I may check to see if you are smuggling bombs in your anal cavity. Thanks, I really appreciate that.”

• “I must say, your dignity is just simply marvelous and fits you most exquisitely. Here, let me strip you of it.”

• “Madam, I must say your scarf seems to be of the utmost quality. Mind if I take a closer look? Perhaps a touch? You’re going to have to remove it, I’m afraid.”

[Tarboush Tip: the entire KABOBteam]

Related posts:

1. Life Under Israeli Military Occupation
2. A Journey Through Occupation
3. The Occupation Strikes Again
4. palestine, daily life, family, history: The unseen occupation
5. The Most Humane Military Passes Out T-Shirts Celebrating Civilian Deaths