Yes, 20. Because I couldn’t just stop at 10. Enjoy.
Thank you, Will, Hanitizer, and Programmer Buydatti for your insight.
1. I am wrong.
2. Compliments on your hair, dress, and cooking.
3. He’s a strip club addict.
4. He loves Josh Groban.
5. He is a hypochondriac; even the smallest ache or pain is serious enough for a trip to the hospital, or, at the very least, a deep-tissue massage and a bowl of soup courtesy of his wife.
6. Deep down, he is a hypocrite. Always and forever.
7. He cares about his car(s) more than he cares about his children.
8. Whatever mama wants, mama gets (even that purse you always wanted).
9. I prefer my mom’s tea/makloobah.
10. Gyms are for sissies.
11. He’s already arranged to marry someone else and is too afraid to say no.
12. He fucked up big-time doing something… and someone else is to blame for it.
13. That things – food, weather, people etc. – really aren’t better where he is from.
14. His family’s true reputation back home.
15. What’s dental floss?
16. He can’t ride a bike, but dreams of owning a motorcycle.
17. He never donates anonymously… because, let’s face it, what’s the benefit in that?
18. He grew up poor.
19. He can never watch enough news.
20. He will never do the dishes.
Related posts:
- You Wont See This On CNN
- Israel and Lebanon: What You Wont Hear on CNN
- 17 Things Arab Men Like to Bring Up
- 15 Things “Never” to Discuss with an Arab
- 6 Ways to Really Get an Arab Guy
OK, this is stupid…Boycott Guy, where are you?
Posted by Yasser | March 8, 2011, 6:05 amc'mon Yasser, you are classier than this
Posted by Hanitizer | March 8, 2011, 8:02 amHani, what does "class" have to do with anything? And if you think im classy, just ask Fayyad about our Sophmore year in college…
Posted by Yasser | March 8, 2011, 4:05 pmThis is all true about ARabs
Posted by Guest | January 25, 2012, 5:44 pmThanks, Yasser. But let Andrew pursue what he's interested in. He's the future of Kabobfest.
It's a sad commentary that the only place to find comprehensive boycott talk is the "Mondoweiss" blog.
Don't worry, "Mondoweiss" will lose interest in boycott, too. Everyone does, because If Arab-American students are so bent on silencing boycott, it simply can't get started on any campus. Too bad, it would have been so easy.
As I said, Andrew is the future, and Hafleh is its name.
Posted by Boycott Dictatorship | March 8, 2011, 5:34 amyasser – i thought i’d try my hand at one of kabobfest’s famous lists. i guess it didn’t really do it for you. i’ll try harder next time.
boycott – i appreciate the kind words, but if i’m really the future of kabobfest, then kabobfest is screwed. i’m not much of a partier, either. grab a few slices of pizza, home alone 2, and a six-pack, and you’ve got the ingredients to my ideal saturday night.
i don’t know of any arab american students that are “bent on silencing boycott,” but if you know who they are, let me know so i can talk some sense into them.
thanks.
Posted by andrew | March 8, 2011, 6:09 amBD, are you Blaine from Michigan?
Posted by Yasser | March 8, 2011, 4:05 pmThis is remarkably stupid. I am an Arab and NONE of these applies to me.
Look, this website needs to fucking grow up past pre-pubescent humour. You need to find some other method of writing articles than 'think of Arab friends of mine; find all the stupid things each one of them has ever done and put them in a long list.'
Posted by KabobSucks | March 8, 2011, 9:40 amKabobSucks,
how about pubescent humour? how do you feel about that?
i dunno man…are you sure that none of them apply to you? who makes better makloobah than your mother? for me, i just really like josh groban…and i can’t explain it.
Posted by andrew | March 8, 2011, 7:56 amSays the person who chose "KabobSucks" as a pseudonym.
Posted by KABOBfestWill | March 8, 2011, 8:03 amKabobSucks, You clearly need to suck someone' Kabob
Posted by Hanitizer | March 8, 2011, 8:04 amchicken or beef?
Posted by Programmer Buydatti | March 8, 2011, 8:31 amDude relax, this is true and there are more
Posted by Guest | January 25, 2012, 5:44 pmJosh Groban? what about Celine Dion?
Posted by Isis911 | March 8, 2011, 11:29 amthat’s a good one…not sure how i missed that.
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 2:05 amwell, they aren't shy about admitting it, so I guess it doesn't really go on the list
Posted by Isis911 | March 9, 2011, 6:16 amexactly!! Celine Dion !!! zomg they love her so much =.=""
Posted by Josephine | March 9, 2011, 6:45 am"1. I am wrong… 6. Deep down, he is a hypocrite. Always and forever… 14. His family’s true reputation back home… 20. He will never do the dishes. "
Being an Arab means never having to say you're sorry.
Posted by Solomon2 | March 8, 2011, 2:25 pmIs this Solomon from my old neighborhood? The GD Solomon? What up fam? How you been homey? Nobody took 5 shots and survived like you man.
Posted by Yasser | March 8, 2011, 4:51 pmAt a time when Arabs are showing the world what courage and resistance looks like, it is refreshing that someone is still out there reminding us non-Arabs what thoroughgoing assholes Arab men are, all in good humor, of course. I've been missing my daily dose of Arab-bashing now that it's "Be Nice to Arabs Month" in the media.
But in the spirit of fun, I'll add number 21: No Arab man will ever admit he sucks at advocating for Arab causes.
Posted by Sean2009 | March 8, 2011, 4:59 pmWhat are you talking about cornball?
Posted by Yasser | March 8, 2011, 5:06 pmIf the obvious is that hard for you to figure out, you're in no space to be calling anybody "cornball."
Posted by Sean2009 | March 8, 2011, 5:36 pmThey have single handedly dismantled their Governments in a matter of weeks with no weapons or violence. Yet somehow they suck at advocating for their causes.
LOL.
Posted by Talia | March 8, 2011, 11:36 pmIt's called irony. Not everyone gets it. If you don't recognize by now that the comment was meant as a facetious swipe at the whole idea of making an "Arab men are" list, then I fear I will be at great pains to explain it to you. It wasn't meant to be serious, as should be obvious.
My point being that: this whole list is such an insult to pro-Arab advocacy it almost screams for the addition of a sarcastic "Arab men suck at advocacy" item to top off the list. As for whether my advocacy or yours is appropriate, I don't know, but mine pretty much consists of trying to disavow my fellow citizens of the racist and reactionary attitudes towards Arabs planted in their minds by the mass media, a job made much harder by articles like this.
Posted by Sean2009 | March 8, 2011, 6:47 pmThank you for your explanation, so you and I agree, this article is stupid. It's hard to read "irony" or "sarcasm" sometimes over written text…I'm not sure if you've heard this before, but now you can never say you haven't.
BD, please merk out Hanitizer for disrespecting me earlier.
Posted by Yasser | March 8, 2011, 6:56 pmsean2009,
while i am certainly not trying to compare myself to dave chappelle, it’s totally appropriate for people within a particular community (in this case the arab community) to make fun of/discuss stereotypes that exist about us, or to make light of issues confronting our community. it’s similar to the kind of thing chappelle did on his show. in fact, chappelle stopped his show mainly because white people couldn’t handle his comedy; some even took it as a signal that they could make fun of the same stereotypes chappelle satirized.
also, while i appreciate your valiant efforts at teaching your “fellow citizens” not to hate arabs, that doesn’t mean that i, or anyone else, should stop making fun of ourselves. and if lists like this make it difficult for you to “defend arabs,” do us all a favor and just stop.
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 12:02 amAndrew, I bet you've already heard of this, but check this one out: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. Now this makes life so much harder for "Stupid White Men", right?
Posted by sms | March 9, 2011, 3:25 amhahahahaha i love this site. my favorite is #132: picking their own fruit.
“if you encounter a white person who is actually good at manual labor they are either some kind of performance artist, writing a book, or the host of a show on HGTV.”
yes, this definitely makes life harder for them..
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 4:46 amMy favorite:
Political Prisoners -"White people love political prisoners because they are individuals who have been locked up because their beliefs or their presence stands in defiance of an unjust system. In fact, most white people would love to be locked up for their beliefs provided that they could go to a jail with private toilets, plenty of books and no rape."
Also love white plans for Harlem.
Another good site you may enjoy. Recommended by a friend from India:
http://www.fakingnews.com/
Wonder how many Indian hearts it has broken?
Posted by sms | March 9, 2011, 11:48 amthanks for turning me on to faking news..i love it. hadn't heard of it before.
white people do indeed have a romanticized vision of prison, specifically what it means to be a political prisoner. i've been in my fair share of jails and prisons (for work, not because i did anything wrong…yet) and can say, with confidence, that the unted states does not lock-up white people. period. it's insane.
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 12:08 pmThe cops/ courts send white people to psychiatric wards instead. Spent three days there (was dumped there by a deranged university shrink – and everyone at my university saw shrinks during emotionally turbulent times, so please don't judge). Got to see white heroin addicts, white depressed women, violent white people, schizophrenic white people, white murderers, abusive white men (a good mix of mental and emotional disorders – strangely there were no people of color except Hispanic nurses and this really creepy Russian nurse who kept telling me how all sensitive and artistic women ended up there and later in his arms). There may be no rape in wards because of the cameras but there is plenty of sexual harassment.
I think plenty of white people make it to jail for short stints (like robbery, drunk driving, drugs, etc.) but few make it to prison. Never checked out a jail or prison, but I know being in a psychiatric ward is so traumatic that I developed PTSD after being there for three days. They observe you for 72 hours – if they suspect a disorder, you are medicated and if you misbehave, apparently they strap you to a bed and you are left to your misery all alone till they are able to diagnose you. Believe me, the negative energies in a prison cannot beat the negative energies in a ward (being surrounded by murderers and suicidal people makes you want to kill yourself). And I was warned that people who try to escape or commit suicide are put on "special watch". And if you are outraged by the injustice and talk back at the doctor/ nurse, they will keep you in the hellhole forever (you will be diagnosed as borderline or passive-aggressive). A prison = physical + emotional abuse. A psychiatric ward = emotional + intense psychological abuse. Read "Madness and Civilization" – it is an eye opener. For me the worst part was that they had no seafood or vegetarian food. I starved myself for two days and then a nurse finally threatened me that I would be diagnosed with an eating disorder if I did not shove a meat sandwich and Kool-Aid (who even drinks that anymore?) down my throat. I had to go on a detox diet and get spa treatments after that.
People who think white criminals or mentally ill people get off easier are so deluded – they end up in more pain because they receive more white love, which is being monitored 24/7 and becoming a guinea pig for psychiatric medicines (their situation is similar to rabbits and monkeys that pharmaceutical companies test on). And these days, shrinks are just labeling anyone they don't like or whom they disagree with as mentally ill. Believe me, the Easterners are right when they say what goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch.
Posted by sms | March 9, 2011, 2:06 pmhttp://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/press/SOSPI9…
While a disproportionate percentage of prisoners belong to ethnic minority groups, to say that white people don't go to prison in this country is pig ignorant.
Posted by Sean2009 | March 9, 2011, 4:28 pmI marvel at how clueless you have to be to imagine white people do not perform manual labor. Surely, you are not so high up in your ivory tower you failed to notice the middle-aged white people busting their asses in the hot sun doing road work while driving to college in your daddie's car, which he loves more than you? Have you ever had to work at a manual labor job to support yourself and your family? If not, then by what standard do you judge those that do, other than sheer arrogance?
Posted by Sean2009 | March 9, 2011, 4:34 pmI am not familiar with Dave Chappelle but I imagine he is one of dozens of black performers who makes his living allowing people to laugh at racist jokes in a safe and acceptable environment. I can't say I understand the mystical process by which a racist joke becomes non-racist when it is told by a member of the in-group, but I am aware that many people find this acceptable, up to a point, including myself. The problem with this kind of humor is that it tends to reinforce certain stereotypes in the out-group: "if they say that kind of thing about themselves, it must be true," is how a lot of people think when they hear this kind of humor. It also gives some people in the out-group the idea that it is okay to repeat racist jokes—as you've indicated—when the unspoken rules are that it is not.
The stereotypes you present here of Arab men are not the stereotypes of Arabs most non-Arabs are familiar with. Most non-Arab Americans don't think of Arabs as momma's boys or car fetishists, but as terrorists or religious fanatics. These are stereoypes that apparently exist only within the Arab American community, and presumably, the reason some Arabs here find them funny is they know people like that, or they believe the stereotypes are fundamentally true. At least, that is the way outsiders tend to perceive these things. What you have essentially done is given non-Arabs another bunch of reasons to dislike Arabs in addition to the ones they already have, and the in-group nature of the humor is in many ways worse than if it came from an acknowledged Arab-hater, because the perception is that the stereotypes must be true, otherwise no one would find them funny.
While it is appropriate and healthy to be able to laugh at yourself and your people, I am sure Dave Chapelle would tell you that timing and context is everything. A joke that is racist coming out of my mouth is not racist coming out of his. His telling racist jokes during a stand-up routine will be better received than at a meeting of the NAACP.
Your timing could not possibly be worse. In the midst of some of the greatest revolutions in modern Arab history, a time when all the ignorant stereotypes of Arabs have been shattered and many people throughout the world have been inspired by the courage of the Arab people, you introduce the casual non-Arab reader of this site to a whole new list of reasons to dislike Arabs. I can't imagine anything more counterproductive than that. The context is also wrong. Kabobfest has its own agenda, of course, and taking a humorous poke at Arabs may be part of it, but most people coming to this site are looking for an alternative view of the Arab world, current events and Arab culture than what they are getting from the mass media. Presumably, this platform exists to give them that alternative view, as well as to build solidarity among Arabs themselves and among those who support Arab causes.
If you think propagating stereotypes about Arab men or making racist and clueless remarks about white people accomplishes any of those goals, then you are seriously mistaken.
Posted by Sean2009 | March 9, 2011, 4:23 pmSpeaking from an Arab women's perspective: This shit is awesome and real. I am concerned about the future of Kabob as a dating site however.
Posted by @des_abers | March 9, 2011, 1:39 amWhatever hater, mad some arab cat wouldn't commit to you? "Aesome and real"…you sound "bitter and hurt". Get over it.
Posted by Yasser | March 9, 2011, 1:48 amDon’t worry, Yasser. The top 20 things arab women won’t tell you are on their way.
In the meantime, stop refreshing kabobfest’s page and go do the dishes.
andrew
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 2:04 amThanks Andrew, just make sure the top 20 woman version is actually, funny.
Posted by Yasser | March 9, 2011, 2:06 amSend me a picture of yourself so i can laugh and get some inspiration.
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 2:17 amI don't get your joke. how would a picture of me inspire you to write a corny joke about arab women?
Posted by Yasser | March 9, 2011, 2:33 amSo stupid. I am an Arab woman and I am so offended by this. Some people are so scared of how Arabs have managed in few months to shatter the stereotypes the West has used to exploit and marginalize Arabs and Arab countries for centuries. This article is just an example of someone who cant handle the courage Arab men have shown. Making such generalizations is appalling. Grow up. Do you know how many Arab men are there? How many countries they come from? how many cultures they represent? It's about time people like you show some respect. I am quite sure you would not dare write a piece like this one about jews, Africans or any other group of people. It seems that you woke up, felt like writing something insulting and decided to make it about Arabs because no one can condemn you. Well, things are changing.. It's funny how Kabobfest would remove comments that are deragatory (including racist) comments and wouldn't remove this article.
Posted by Arab | March 9, 2011, 4:04 amThanks boo.
Posted by Yasser | March 9, 2011, 4:07 amagain, as an arab myself, i find nothing wrong with making fun of stereotypes that exist about arabs – whether they come from western antagonists or from the dinner table at my mother’s house in beirut.
i wouldn’t write a similar piece about jews because i’m not jewish…would be a good one for chaim sugerman, though. thanks for the tip.
andrew
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 4:31 amArabs can say racist things about Arabs too.. being an Arab doesn't make it any less racist, it just makes it more sad
Posted by Andrew is NotFunny | March 14, 2011, 7:45 amHey Andrew is NotFunny, why do not you share with us a joke you consider funny?
Posted by hanitizer | March 14, 2011, 10:32 amI have read soooo many pieces recently that attempt to describe Arabs and sum up their 'characteristics,' especially after the revolutions sweeping over the Arab world. I follow kabobfest regularly and I know the intention behind the pieces posted here, so I do apologize if I have offended you.I have been working on the construction of Arabs in fiction and media for two years now, I guess I'm just fed up with all the ridiculous things out there. I think that pieces like "How to write about Arabia" which was posted by kabobfest in November uses parody in a way that would help raise awarness and corrcet misconceptions. With all due respect, this is what we need right now, not some general points that can be misread. It's a question of audience as well.
Posted by Arab | March 9, 2011, 5:18 amyou didn’t offend me at all. bil 3aks; i couldn’t agree with you more. i’m fed up with the ridiculous shit too.
i have written pieces for this site that question (productively, i think) how orientalism continues to influence people’s perception of arabs and muslims, and the role that the media plays in perpetuating racist stereotypes about our community.
this piece was definitely directed at kabobfest’s arab readers, and was meant to be funny and light-hearted. for me, if we can’t find time to sit back, make a few jokes, and laugh at each other (and ourselves) every now and again, what’s the point?
thanks for the comment.
andrew
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 5:34 amThough entertaining, you could apply all twenty of your comments to any man. True?
Posted by jobe | March 9, 2011, 6:02 ammaybe..but i don’t know about numbers 16, 14, 12, and 11.
andrew
Posted by andrew | March 9, 2011, 6:07 amif you could find a non-Arab man who knows what maglubeh is.
Posted by Isis911 | March 9, 2011, 6:21 amI agree with Jobe, nothing unique to Arab men in this blogpost.. Maqlooba is just a metaphor for "your moms food"
Posted by Andrew is Notfunny | March 14, 2011, 7:49 amI lived with an Arab guy/asshole for 4 & 1/2 years…This shit is spot on.
Posted by Rep. Peter King | March 10, 2011, 7:14 pmthis is completly wrong this is right for only un educated spoiled arab men , im an american but ive met many arab men and there family and there nothing like that there very much like us but the only this that is true is that they can never admit that there wrong but hey isnt every man like that
Posted by bebe | August 2, 2011, 1:36 amCome on folks, this IS true about Arab men-and American men, white men, black men—-there are some that fit all these stereotypes. Actually most men fit most of the stereotyupes. Sorry, its a guy thing.
Except the poster above made the Celine Dion comment which was cute-I was in a car for 24 hours straight recently with an Egyptian man who adores Celine Dion-and will admit it, knows her history and never heard of Josh Groban (not Arab, but I love him!!!)
Mine will do the dishes, never wrong though. . . .not to his knowledge anyway:)
Posted by theunexpectedwife | August 13, 2011, 11:41 amNone of these are true
Posted by Loody | November 12, 2011, 9:33 amNone of these are true
Posted by khalil | January 16, 2012, 12:59 pm