To be an Arab tyrant these days is not easy. Watching protests calling for their removal can be hurtful to one’s feelings and sense of
stability. Just last year, the people worshiped them. Throw in some foreign influences, drugs, terrorists and everything turns to hell! This can be quite traumatic for the poor despots who have worked to hard to advance their countries into the 1930s.
To stay in power, experts say, a leader has to stay hot. Once they’re no longer in, they’re out.
To stop from going crazy, you frightened dictators out there should stay busy staying HOT. Staying active, out there doing stuff, is key to avoiding insanity or a quick toppling. Do not be perceived as being aloof or just waiting. That is not cool. Plus, as they say, idle hands are the devil’s playground.
So here is what today’s Arab autocrat can do before and during protests to prevent the unpleasant revolution from being successful.
- Breath in/breath out. Remember, you are alive. They haven’t murdered you yet. The dead man walking look — a la
Hosni Mubarak — is, pardon the pun, a nail in the coffin. So breath hard, breath deep, even if you’re on the phone with state media. - Appear defiant and the man against all odds, even if you risk appearing out of touch. Everyone loves an underdog, even if that underdog jails dissidents, has a huge net worth and controls the country’s military. One way to do that is by pointing out in list fashion all the even more powerful foreign threats that want you out because of how awesome you are for the country. Work hard to push this line even if you and I both know it’s a load of shit.
- Issue a press release condemning Iran/ the Weather channel/ Saudi Arabia/ Al Qaeda/ Facebook/ the Crusaders/ the United States/ Canadian mounties/ Online gambling/ Al Jazeera/ the Jews/ Niqab-wearers. Mix and match, have fun with it. Keep bringing up new enemies of the state, it makes your regime look busy.
- Take a tour of some abandoned part of town filled with people on your payroll cheering you on because it’s freaking awesome and everyone always falls for it.
- Hire that Haifa Wahbe music video director to make you look good and youthful. Techno-Arabic-pop music is a must. Make a pick on who’s your favorite singer on Star Academy nominate , and ask people to vote for him/her.
- Put your cash into gold faster than a Glenn Beck groupie. Make sure gold is somewhere else so that the people don’t get it. Cash you do not convert should be very well-hidden in your mansion. By the way, if your cash has your photo on it, save some because that is freaking awesome in other contexts.
- Get your presidential tailor to get you as many highly customized suits as possible. They could take everything but why take suits that only fit you! Plus you can demand keeping them in exchange for surrender.
- Re-shuffle the cabinet several times. Just take the Minister of the Interior have him switch with the Foreign Minister. Then abolish the Ministry of Silly Walks, only to rename it with the same Minister the following week. This is great busy work, can be re-done endlessly and vaguely resembles actual reform.
- Phone calls. Phone calls. Phone calls. Cell phones – NO. Ornate, official-looking land-line phones – YES. And get your picture taken making them, or else there was no damn point.
- Visit some other country or send a high-ranking official to show you are still in control. The risk is you get overthrown or your dignitary defects. But screw it, send the dignitary You can always kill the defectors family if he or she leaves. Hot means getting the last laugh.
- Demolish national monuments that protests take place at. It really looks like you’re doing something when you are not…. at all.
- Change your mind often. Offer reforms, take them away. Promise to resign one day, break it the next. Flip-flopping can be made to look like actual strategy. The fact it is not does not matter at all. It’s essentially saying, I’m way too hot to touch.
- Speeches. The more speeches the better. Do not make any that sound like your last though, such as a crazy meandering tirade, or at least one that is more crazy than your norm. That is very much NOT HOT.
- Do normal stuff at first. Walk around, sit in gaudy French furniture, giggle with other dudes in suits. Let the people see you absolutely have no sense of anything happening, so they think nothing is. Then whe
n the coercion starts and everyone gets a sense something it happening, go bat shit nuts, over-state the threat, and sharpen repression. - Practice your remorse face. When your forces kills protesters it is vital you look apologetic, actually sad, even as you deny any responsible whatsoever. Don’t think this tip matters? It could mean the difference between being Ben Ali or being Bashar.
- Play around with social media filtering and false flag operations. You have no plan, really, but you know social media revolutions are totally in this season. Do not look lost in the Arab Spring by missing the chance to molest Facebook somehow.
- Offer your useless endorsement of other equally embattled and doomed dictators. It will be super moving.
Remember despots, stay active or eat it hard.
[Tarboush Tip: Will]
Filed Under american politics, Arabic culture, Hanitizer, human rights, humor, iraq, islam, media, pop culture, satire, syria, U.S. foreign policy, war of terror
Hey! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading your blog posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same subjects? Many thanks!
Posted by iphone 4 cases | July 13, 2012, 9:17 amDictator is not good in many ways. It leads to a bigger need of freedom from the labours or employees.
Beach Wedding Florida
Posted by BeachWeddingFlorida | August 1, 2012, 12:25 amThey are so brave to being like that. But maybe that's already their want to be like that.
Boys suits
Posted by Boys suits | August 3, 2012, 8:36 amThere are times when we do have to use a dictator to rule in a region or a country. However, this is the thing that really should not be used because it is dangerous.
Posted by raleigh cash advance | August 5, 2012, 12:50 amPatient ensam i kampen för att vinna bästa priset. Din personal kommer att stå upp rakt och alla kommer att känna sig mycket stolt. Det kommer att förföra dina kunder eftersom ingen skulle vilja nämna vinnaren.
los angeles car accident lawyer
Posted by richardsimbes | August 6, 2012, 3:22 amFor some moment, he can be on the top of hot topic. Maybe there is any discussion about him in that time.
glock magazines
Posted by glock magazines | August 6, 2012, 12:18 pmIt means they are in the top of hot topic. And people are discussing about him.
Humility
Posted by Humility | August 12, 2012, 10:10 pmKen 'n paar van jou fondse personeel te stuur na opleiding verkope. Gee jou personeel met die vaardighede en kundigheid om produkte te verkoop aan die maksimum vlak. Geld te bespaar deur die gebruik van onervare personeel en onopgeleide sal net drop jou besigheid ekonomie.
valuations wa
Posted by valuations wa | August 24, 2012, 6:32 amRealnost je na splošno več ljudi, da svoje osebne finance od finančnih družb, za katere delajo. Če lahko poskrbi denarne spodbude za zaposlene, ki temelji na njihovih rezultatih, boste presenečeni, povečanje prodaje, ki so se zgodile.
Bear Viewing Alaska
Posted by JamieChloe | August 28, 2012, 7:50 pmPokud budete trávit desítky milionů založit firmu, koupit akcie a dělat marketing jen najít potenciální zákazníky do obchodu a zase ven, aniž by musel něco koupit, protože prodejní personál nemůže prodat, nemusíte mít co dělat pro to.
maryland website design
Posted by EvanBaxter | August 29, 2012, 8:47 pmDictator leader is not good in many ways. The members will not respect to the leader a lot.
One Way Links
Posted by One Way Links | August 29, 2012, 11:46 pmDie Mehrheit der Anrufe auf dieser Leitung kommt von Menschen wollen zu werben. Auf der Grundlage unserer Forschung, werden viele dieser Menschen nicht nennen, wenn es nicht um eine gebührenfreie Linie.
divorce florida
Posted by divorce florida | August 30, 2012, 9:14 amD'après mon expérience, le personnel était tout aussi bonne que la formation et l'encouragement qu'ils reçoivent. En effet, nous faire des erreurs, et parfois la location de mal.
los angeles personal injury lawyer
Posted by richardsimbes | September 1, 2012, 7:39 amWe are able to provide a lot of opinions and protests as one way that can be used to be able to lose a lot of leaders who are not qualified hurt many people.ego clearomizer
Posted by RobertSun | September 5, 2012, 5:47 amWe were able to eliminate the leadership methods that exist today because of the leadership it is one habit that should be eliminated early for a country.employee database software
Posted by QoryWood | September 5, 2012, 8:33 amIdetë dhe strategjitë e paraqitura nuk kërkojnë aftësi të veçanta dhe gjithashtu nuk do të marrë një shumë nga koha juaj. Njerëzit e biznesit do të duan për të marrë veprim direkt ose menjëherë, jo duke bërë plane për dekada të tëra. Nëse biznesi është i ngadalshëm, ata dëshironin të jenë në gjendje të bëjë diçka për të rregulluar atë.
sql deadlock
Posted by sql deadlock | September 10, 2012, 2:53 pmNovos clientes que chegan ao seu negocio, debido á promesa. Se vostede non pode impressioná-los por primeira vez, non vai ter a oportunidade de probar de novo.
5LINX
Posted by 5LINX | September 13, 2012, 9:29 amMost people don’t like a dictator to be a leader. It leads to many scared feelings.
Event Prop Hire
Posted by Event Prop Hire | September 17, 2012, 12:19 amHalos lahat ng mga negosyo isaalang-alang ang pananaliksik sa merkado bilang isang bagay na maaari lamang gawin sa pamamagitan ng mga malalaking korporasyon o magmasid na mabuti nila ito bilang isa sa mga terminong na itinapon walang talagang maunawaan ang totoong kahulugan.
Seattle Search Engine Optimization
Posted by BuddyRich | September 30, 2012, 2:10 amNekatere besede, ki jih je mogoče uporabiti najbolj učinkovito, ko se sproži en enostaven slogan, ki bo vaše podjetje razlikuje od konkurence, je največji, najdaljši, zadnji, najboljši, najbolj, varno, popolno, vrhovni vrsti.
Plumber Denver
Posted by Plumber Denver | September 30, 2012, 2:56 amEste es el comienzo de la campaña o cualquier plan de marketing. Desafortunadamente, esto también se considera raramente en las pequeñas empresas. Usted tiene que preguntarse, ¿cuántos acuerdos de negocios que realmente necesito?
Divorce Attorney Seattle WA
Posted by ChrisTian | September 30, 2012, 6:55 amNëse dikush është i zënë, kompanitë e tjera mund të rekomandohet, dhe anasjelltas. Nëse një po mbaron e lëndëve të para, të tjera mund të ndihmojë. Ata gjithashtu mund të bien dakord mbi kushtet e kufirit, si dhe për të synuar klientët kompanive të tyre përkatëse.
Dallas IT Support
Posted by Dallas IT Support | October 1, 2012, 3:45 amThere are more people who turned out to be a leader you select a dictator than to be a good leader but still firm to the many problems that into it.painters in sacramento
Posted by kaegetsuhotaru | October 10, 2012, 8:45 pmOne type of leader who is close and use the family system would indeed be better to avoid the type and the type of leaders who do just want to be feared by the population.best audio engineering schools
Posted by HellenCruz | October 12, 2012, 4:07 amMint a kültéri feliratok, a jármű cégek egy nagyon hatékony módja, hogy támogassa az üzleti, szinte minden vállalkozás rendelkezik legalább egy autós cég, hogy bármi lehet. És ez a jármű minden bizonnyal sokkal több az úton, és a város körül.
Cantilever Racking
Posted by Cantilever Racking | October 25, 2012, 9:03 amA leader must be able to lead a country very well. This indeed could be one thing in mind touched by the leaders in this world.pub reviews
Posted by pub reviews | November 14, 2012, 4:37 amThis indeed may be one thing that is not liked by many people. Being a leader is full of love can indeed be a good thing. Everyone will be very fond of you.To do in Qatar
Posted by KennyDale | November 15, 2012, 8:11 amIf you become the leader of a dictator then you do have to prepare yourself to become a person hated by many people. You really should change yourself.loans in 15 mins
Posted by robblincoln | November 16, 2012, 12:00 amSo many leaders who are avoiding the type of leadership like this because it will only cause a lot of resentment from many people that he led it.smsf setup Melbourne
Posted by leddygemma | November 23, 2012, 11:35 amBeing one of the leaders of the dictatorship can indeed be one of the things that many people would hated by. You really should not be like that.Calgary Orthotics
Posted by DannyMole | November 27, 2012, 11:33 pmList lub telefon, jak to jest bardzo mocny, co musisz zrobić, to nagrać swoich klientów. Ta metoda jest w porządku, nie uciążliwe i jest wezwaniem do zrobienia czegoś.
Fishing Charter Seattle
Posted by andybriano | November 29, 2012, 7:27 amA leader is going to be one for the country that he or she lead. Therefore he had to be becoming a good example for many people.
trailers
Posted by trailers | November 30, 2012, 3:34 amNë përgjithësi, njerëzit janë në kërkim për lidhjet automatikisht edhe kërkuar për një shërbim apo produkt që kompania juaj shet. Duke dhuruar produkte apo shërbime, ju jepni dorë diçka që vlen vetëm pakicë.
Used Pallet Rack
Posted by Used Pallet Rack | December 2, 2012, 4:51 amAccording to Wiki, the cars acclimatized a Vagrant machine in 4 or 6 cylinder forms which came from the 1948 P3 and had transparency valves for cove and side valves for exhaust. A four-speed guide dissemination was occupied with a column-mounted shifter at first and floor-mounted unit from 1954. At cardinal the gearbox exclusive had synchromesh on third and supreme but it was added to second gear as obviously in 1953. A liberated veer dominance, a standard Tourist memorable part, was fitted to cars without overdrive until more 1959.
manteau ralph lauren
Posted by josef | December 3, 2012, 6:45 amThere are times when a leader must be one who is feared by the population. But fear does not mean to be a leader a dictator in a cpuntry.how to calculate discount rate
Posted by matildakruzack | December 8, 2012, 12:08 amA leader is a dictator does avoided by many people. There are many views and forecasts are worse than many people you lead, of course.pasadena dui attorney
Posted by mcdermontbrian | December 11, 2012, 2:52 amDa miña experiencia, o equipo foi tan bo como o adestramento e impulso que reciben. En realidade, nós cometemos erros e ás veces o aluguer de malo.
Accessories Hummer
Posted by Accessories Hummer | January 19, 2013, 5:17 amTo je područje koje sam uživati radiš. Ja ne razumijem zašto neke tvrtke čini teško za ljude da kupuju od njega.
best photography school
Posted by kevinmario | January 30, 2013, 8:18 amSecondly, the design lets you see that easier the balance of the paint in the container and prevent spraying with the use of much air as well as insufficient paint. Recently introduced by Mace Security International, the Mace Pepper Gun is one of the most accurate non-lethal self-defense tools available in the market today. read more Recently, one of the main topics in the news and on social media such as Facebook and Twitter has been gun control. Not only can you find the spray gun itself, you can often find digital items that go along with it, such as gauges, needles and hoses.
Posted by graco paint sprayer | March 8, 2013, 5:30 am