// you're reading...

Arab World

6 Types of Arab Mothers in Law

Vanilla Ice Pose, baby.

Poking fun of mothers in laws never goes out of style. They are like special species that we all try to decode and analyze.  I genuinely love my mother in law — she is a doll — but wives-to-be have it much harder because of the natural competition for the husband/son’s affections.  An important factor for Arab females is how they get along with the Hamatti, which is often Arabic for that person from hell, since Arab men tend to be Mama’s boys.  Mama becomes the standard for spoiled Arab boys who grow up, and Arab mothers tend to never think the wife is as good as she was — a formula for nasty family spats.

In honor of this competition,here are the six types of Arab Mothers in Law the universe has blessed us with (well except for Syrian mothers in law. From what I hear and see in Syrian soap operas, it seems that Syrian mothers in law are a different breed).

  1. The Auditor: She is not a bad mother-in-law, she just doesn’t know any better. She lives down the street and appears when you least expect it (like when you’re playing “backgammon” with your husband). She shows up with stuff that your kids threw away and gives you a lecture about it: “In the old country, this would never be OK!” Although she’s definitely your best choice for a babysitter, you shouldn’t let her get too close to your daily routine. The Auditor can never sit still, and she will always find a way to criticize your clothing, cooking, and the way you choose to raise your children – pardon me, her grandchildren. To survive this one, play chicken with her, she may give up.
  2. The Friend: She is just grateful that you put away her childish son, the one that gave her a hard time since she spent 12 hours in labor with him 30 years ago. She takes your opinion on her wardrobe and family matters and she respects your educational background (as long as you’re not a veterinarian). She is nice to your mother, and at times she may even appear selfless. She keeps to herself and rarely intrudes. The Friend makes it a point to kill you with kindness. Of course, expect your own mother to become jealous of the buddy-buddy relationship you have with your mother-in-law.
  3. The One From Hell: She says evil things like, “When was the last time you even looked at a stair master?” even though she’s 40 pounds overweight. When you try to dish it back out – or at the very least hold her accountable – she plays the health card: “Oh my heart, I only have a few more years to live, Allah sa3adni.” She enjoys authority and loves abusing it (like the time she made you sit at the kid’s table last Eid al-Adha). She spares nothing when insulting your origin – your family is from Homs?? – while conveniently forgetting her own less than stellar roots. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, especially when it comes to food (even though everyone knows that your maklooba blows her shit out of the water). Whatever happens, do not wish her ill and pray an IDF illegal bomb shrapnel will find her way to her foot, but only her foot! Your only recourse is to win your father-in-law’s affection, and pray that he is able to balance out The One From Hell.
  4. The Passive Aggressive: She acts like you don’t exist and she only talks to her son (aka your husband). If there’s something important, she only asks for his opinion and ignores you, pretending as if you are unable to intelligently contribute to any conversation. It’s almost as if she sees you as her son’s roommate, someone that he keeps around to help pay for groceries. But, the Passive Aggressive is just trying to figure herself out; her brothers stole her inheritance and her mother never hugged her enough when she was a child. Your best bet is to scream into a pillow, take Mary Jane as a mistress, or find an excuse to relocate to Alaska.
  5. The Indifferent: She is too busy with her own life and doesn’t have time to worry about you let alone your children. She’s pleasant, but don’t expect her to put down her Blackberry when she’s talking to you…or to offer to help you prepare Sunday dinner. She does an excellent job distancing herself from everyone around her, and never drops by to say hello – unless of course she needs something from her son. She has a career of her own, and half a dozen other daughters-in-law, so you don’t really matter to her that much. However, take caution: this may change the moment you have children. The Indifferent will work harder to get close to you and eventually to her grandchildren.
  6. The One That Wants To Outdo You: She thinks she is hotter, more chic, and younger than you. She even wears Apple Bottom jeans cause she thinks she has more swag than you. Everyone knows that her nose, lips, and cheeks are fake, but they don’t dare say anything for fear of having rumors spread abin the past year, but they choose to ignore but they all fear to tell her that to her face to they let her live on her own never land. God forbid cook anything in the microwave; she will never let you forget how you tried to poison her son and grandchildren, and she will be at your house every night insisting on cooking your family dinner. She is the alpha female of the house and she will mark her territory with droplets of your pride. Don’t try to marginalize her or downplay what she says. With the One That Wants to Outdo You, it’s all about the games you play.

[Tarboush Tip: Andrew]

Did you like this? Share it:
Filed Under  , , ,

Discussion

24 Responses to “6 Types of Arab Mothers in Law”

  1. The One Type of Arab Troll:

    Male with a dire erogenous need to overcompensate by taking the time to return to a blog, he seemingly despises, hour after hour in an attempt to assert a grossly transparent facade over the sad state of his egoistic affairs.

    Posted by SanaKF | May 11, 2011, 7:06 pm
  2. one of those days, your mother will stop paying your bills including your internet service, I know I'm looking forward to that day.

    Posted by Hanitizer | May 11, 2011, 9:09 pm
    • Haha "boo?" Your "drops?" "Coming at you?" Internet tough guy is both tough and apparently typing from inside a time machine in the suburbs in the late 1990s. AWW SNAP YO.

      Posted by Mr. Robert Dobalina | May 11, 2011, 11:29 pm
    • So who was number three then, boo?

      Also, your 'boater' comments are discriminatory and derogatory – playa, you best be stoppin' now.

      xoxo

      [Also, this is grossly off-topic, send an email if you're deeply concerned. If you want to 'advise' Hani, do it properly through being constructive as opposed to offering just criticism xoxo]

      Posted by SanaKF | May 12, 2011, 2:21 am
      • Wasn't directed at you, honestly. I sincerely think you're dope. I'm a pretty direct dude and wouldn't passively diss you only to then deny it. But I'm not going to keep defending myself, so if you believe me, cool, if not, salaams.

        Posted by Yasser | May 12, 2011, 4:31 am
      • Disagree, Yasser's critique was right on and hysterical where the blog was, well, weak. Vanilla Ice pose? Really? wow…..

        And boater is "derogatory and discriminatory"? The way Yasser used it? Please lighten up.

        Posted by Khalid | May 12, 2011, 9:02 am
  3. I find this post mysogynistic and distasteful. And it is not "mother in laws"; but rather, mothers in law.

    Posted by Aida Qasim | May 12, 2011, 2:13 am
  4. Yasser, you don't pull any punches, huh?

    I'm actually the 22-year-old law student that hasn't done anything meaningful with his life (I'll be 23 in 3 weeks). I'm a hip-hop head (would never say, "i love underground hip-hop") and would love to see how your hip-hop IQ matches up to mine. Would never sell out Palestine for a "piece of hot ass" or anything else, and only use big words cause I know that size matters…

    Any chance you'll be in DC this summer? Would love to show your goofy ass up on the basketball court (I'm assuming you hoop). Or, if bball isn't your thing, you name the game and I'll be there.

    Posted by andrew | May 12, 2011, 3:06 am
    • Andy, my comment was directed at you, but, only because you came at me in my rap battle on a previous drop, unprovoked. I may be wrong about you, but the above was my conclusion based on our "battle" and using the laws of probabilities.

      I go to DC every couple months or so, but I do not play sports. All I do is, rap and have sex.

      As far as some other game/competition, playboy, go back to the rap battle…you are the first rap battler in history to merk himself.

      Posted by Yasser | May 12, 2011, 4:36 am
  5. "all i do is, rap and have sex."

    hahahahahahaha

    i remember dissing myself in the rap battle, but i'm sure i'm not the first emcee (wannabe or otherwise) to do so. whether or not it was effective is a different story…

    too bad you don't hoop. if you roll thru dc this summer, lemme know so we can have a serious battle where i can tell you about all of the meaningless things i do with my life.

    Posted by Andrew | May 12, 2011, 5:30 am
  6. That's actually super funny Yasser. ha ha. I am half #2 (but older) and half #5.

    Posted by KABOBfestWill | May 12, 2011, 11:13 am
  7. OK, Andrew/Hani/Sana, honestly, I'm totally kidding. But I think I took it too far with this one, especially towards Hani…and on a serious note, i appreciate what you guys do here and wouldn't want to discourage that, so please accept this apology.
    Also, feel free to remove the comments.

    Posted by Yasser | May 12, 2011, 11:41 am
  8. Habibi…yo, you know I'm a Mich law alum right? I'm also your age, if you flip the 23 around.

    All love bro.

    Posted by Yasser | May 12, 2011, 2:37 pm
  9. Pissing contest that ends in love, hugs and tea. Some things will never change.

    Posted by blacklisted | June 4, 2011, 9:36 am
  10. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, especially when it comes to food (even though everyone knows that your maklooba blows her shit out of the water). Whatever happens in california submeters, do not wish her ill and pray an IDF illegal bomb shrapnel will find her way to her foot, but only her foot! Your only recourse is to win your father-in-law’s affection, and pray that he is able to balance out The One From Hell.

    Posted by blogc2011 | December 15, 2012, 3:31 pm
  11. In honor of this competition,here are the six types of Arab Mothers in Law the universe has blessed us with (well except for Syrian mothers in law. From what I hear and see in Syrian soap operas, it seems that Syrian mothers in law are a different breed). location de vacances

    Posted by blogc2011 | March 19, 2013, 7:19 pm
  12. Great job. Well with your permission allow me to grab your rss feed to keep up to date with incoming post

    Posted by sohbet | August 1, 2013, 7:09 am
  13. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.

    Posted by máy tập cơ bụng | October 13, 2013, 10:53 pm
  14. Wow, this post is so far from anything I have experienced. My mother in law is amazing. She is a beautiful different kind of mother in law. She's the mother in law who is adoptive.

    Posted by Savannah | June 15, 2014, 12:37 am

Post a comment

Connect With Us Ya Hmeer!

resume resume

Recent Posts

So, Who’s the Threat to America Again?
August 20, 2012
By Guest
Where Do We Keep Islamophobia?
August 15, 2012
By Shubnum
Lobbying Versus Advocacy
August 1, 2012
By Mehrunisa
On the destruction of Speaker’s Corner
July 17, 2012
By Abubakr
Stateless & Speechless, A Palestinian Regains Speech
July 12, 2012
By Hanitizer
White, Black American groups ‘swap’ summer interns
July 10, 2012
By Guest
The Costs of Stripping
June 25, 2012
By Mehrunisa
Be The Fundamental Pizza of a Man
June 25, 2012
By Guest
In US, They Want Fun, Fun Fun
June 23, 2012
By Sana
I Ain’t Afraid of No Regime
June 15, 2012
By Husam
ADC: Arab American Professionals’ Gateway to DC
June 12, 2012
By Hanitizer
Influence And Freedom
May 23, 2012
By Guest
Will Sacha Baron Cohen Bring His Muslim Bashing To An End?
May 22, 2012
By Hanitizer
On Chafed Oddballs, Siberian Socialites and Missed Opportunities
May 5, 2012
By Guest
A Single Roll of the Dice
April 23, 2012
By Guest