Contributed by Sima

Real Translation: Hi Muslim World, I know I speak perfect English since I graduated from one of the elite universities in the U.S. but i’m going to speak in Hebrew…which most of you dont understand unless you live in the oppressive democracy of IZ-RAW-EL. I would just like to say Ramadan Kareem…and hey Assad..keep up the good work man, because the more people you kill, the less likely the liberal media will pay attention to the series of fascist laws I look forward to passing. Moreover, although I’ve outlawed almost most rights citizens of democratic states enjoy, I will continue to be a prime example of democracy in the Middle East (Thanks America! wink wink ). I would also like to use the start of Ramadan as an opportunity to further insult the useless so called “Palestinian Authority” by extending a fake olive branch and urging them to restart “peace talks” aka “settlement expansion talks” with me again. And yes, of course, when I say “without any preconditions”, I mean- Israel will not end it’s occupation of Palestinian Territories, the wall will not be torn down, checkpoints will remain present, settlements will continue to expand, Jerusalem will be Israel’s undisputed capital, and… how could I forget… all those filthy generations of refugees will receive absolutely no reparations or this “right of return” you all speak of. So please Abbas, meet with me, help me strategically exploit the Middle East. Thank you! Ramadan Mubarak! (Oh Mubarak, how I miss you my dear friend)