When I addressed the issue to my father, as in what qualities he expected an ideal mate of my to have, he said:
"All he has to be is Muslim and very ambitious...and passive, because you are a very dominant personality. You can't have two dominants. It's like electricity. You need a negative and a positive charge."After belabouring the point that my father called me a "negative charge" and trying to guilt-trip him about that metaphoric comparsion (I failed, foolishly ignoring what Patai knew all too well, that Arabs can't be guilted into anything, because they don't have a conscience, and thus you need to appeal to their sense of shame to get to do what you want*), I decided to move on and tackle the other part of what he considered ideal Husband credentials. Knowing fully well that my father had a much more specific portrait of the ideal or acceptable mate for me-I pushed him further by testing him:
"So, you would be happy if I married a white or Latino Muslim?"
"No, they have to be Arab. You have to relate to your mate culturally. That is the only way you are going to have a successful marraige."
Rewind to a week ago when my father dumbfounded by my Arab-philia, inquired: "Why are you Arabicized-we didn't raise you that way?"
Knowing again, that my father had an even more specific and constricted definition, I pushed him again:
"So, you would be fine if I married a Moroccan?"After objecting to and debating this unfounded claim for a good ten minutes, I moved on to the next part of my interrogation. Knowing the position of Yemenis in the inter-arab racist hierarchy, I pushed once again:
"No, they are not real Arabs."
"How about a Yemeni"After naming every one of the member countries of the Arab league (with the exception of Syria), and being met with resistance, I sought to confirm what I thought my father believed considered an acceptable mate:
"No, they are not real Arabs."
"But Dad, they are from South Arabia-they are the "realest" Arabs."
"How about someone from Damascus?"So, there you have it, what I an initially suspected that my father refused to commit to was true:
"No, they are different."
The only acceptable mate in my father's eyes would have to be an ambitious, type-B Muslim from a "good family" from Halab. Apparently that's what "ambitious, passive Muslim" is code for.
*oozing with sarcasm
