I guess it’s finally time to come clean about who Quiqui really is. We tried to keep this shit under wraps cause its like one of those awkward things where everyone knows what the deal is, but everyone’s too freaked out to say it out loud - cause that would make it too fucking real.
At first we figured her for one those slutty anti-Zionist activist groupies (you know who we’re talking about, EMILY) whose got a thing for pissing off daddy with some huge A-rab cock (sorry brovazzz, ya’ll iz so pre-2001). But then – only two weeks into her KABOBdomhood – she drops the mother freakin’ Jew card on our semi-private listserv (Omar, seriously what the fuck are you still doing on it?). Can you believe that shit?
So what do you say to something as eff-ed up as that? It’s like when your mom catches you jerking off to a copy of her February issue of Martha Stewart Living. You both know what happened, but ain’t anyone ever saying shit about it.
Needless to say, we remained silent. Another Jew on KABOBfest? What is this Hollywood? No one mentioned a thing about THE THING. But soon we began to get freaked out. True to her nature, she slowly, but surely, began taking over everything wonderful about KABOBfest and declaring it her own. It started with her labeling us all Sodomites, occupying Will’s awesome Christmas-theme site design (not that we’re saying she’s anti-baby Jesus Cristo), and then converting our new look into something resembling a mishmash of milk and honey. What more? She flirted her way to the top of the KABOBchain and demanded Will make her an administrator – thus establishing a de facto checkpoint for all our thoughts (and Fayyad’s anti-spell check activism).
Ok, so as I type this… Quiqui’s sleeping over my house cause she’s hell bent on stealing my virginity. I won’t let her though, cause I’m saving myself for my fourth wife (she’s 14 next week, happy birthday habeebty!!). So like any man in my position would do, I obviously waited for her to fall asleep before rummaging through her duffle bag to find a decent pair of panties to sniff. And when I did, I came across this crazy ass manifesto for Sephardic-cyber domination:
Protocol of Zion XXV: Blogger Infiltration
1. I pass now to the second lit candle on this the first night of Chanukah
2. The Queen's plan of action for the current moment, and all the more so for the future, will be unknown, even to those who are called her closest KABOBers – at the current moment, this be the toothy grinned Russian.
3. The Queen of the Jews must not be at the mercy of her passions, and especially of sensuality: on no side of her character must she give brute instincts power over her mind. – unless, of course, it means flirting with the man made of iron who pretends to run this blog.
Signed by Quiqui, the representative of Zion, of the 69th Degree
WTF does this even mean?!?!?!?!?!?!? Peep this ritualistic photo that the hidden camera I installed over my bed last week to prepare for May’s immanent visit captured of Quiqui doing right before I put her Jew/Arab/Guatemalan/American/Spanish/Black-from-the-back ass to sleep.
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Note: Quiqui contributed (actually she wrote the bulk) of the above post and was not harmed in the taking of the photograph. Happy Chanukah! (we finally figured out how to light this thing!)
[tarboush tip: the people's republic of MADE IN CHINA for the lovely menorah]
Thank you Associated Press for dumb-ing down the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to the point where it seems more like a "duh" than a "hmmmm." Both Israelis and Palestinians, as well as the AP's readership, should feel offended by such weak and condescending "reporting" (I use the term loosely).
This is precisely the reason why many people separate from the issue can't understand why those A-rabs and Jews don't just stop fighting and live together in peace. Apparently, it's as simple as buying a Kit Kat bar…
Among the most contentious issues between Israelis and Palestinians:
BORDERS OF A PALESTINIAN STATE
-Palestinians want complete Israeli withdrawal from the West Bank. -Israel wants 1949 cease-fire line changed to include main West Bank settlements. -Possible solution: Modification of the cease-fire line and compensation by giving Palestinians some Israeli territory.
JERUSALEM -Palestinians want east Jerusalem, including the Old City, as capital of their state. -Israel has annexed east Jerusalem and offers control of some Arab neighborhoods. -Possible solution: Sharing control of the city.
PALESTINIAN REFUGEES -Palestinians demand the right of return for refugees and descendants of 1948-49 war. -Israel believes refugees must be resettled in the new Palestinian state or where they now reside. -Possible solution: Compensation for most, while allowing a token number to live in Israel.
WEST BANK JEWISH SETTLEMENTS -Palestinians demand all Jewish West Bank settlements to be dismantled. -Israel wants to keep main settlement blocs under its sovereignty. -Possible solution: Israel gets its main West Bank settlements, Palestinians get part of Israeli land.
I hate to get racial on you, but it sounds pretty black n' white to me. All those other factors about human rights, international law, land value, religious and political ideology, sovereignty, etc are just there to complicate things. Shit, if Olmert and Abbasshole sign something in the next couple days, we can be celebrating with some Israeli Chummos by this time next week. Let's hear it for "Peace in the Middle East!"
It's no secret that the Middle East Media Research Institute - an organisation that's monopolised Western appetite for Arab media translation in recent years - is blatantly selective about the content it commissions.
Want clips of Farfur "teaching kids to hate and kill"? MEMRI's got you covered.
Want to revisit the now-infamous Wafa Sultan TV tirade, in which she declares: "There is no clash of civilisations, [just] a clash between civilisation and backwardness"?? I bet MEMRI makes royalties on that one. Indeed Sultan is a regular consultant for the group.
But last week when Al Jazeera Arabic aired a two-part interview with John Dugard, Special UN Rapporteur for Human Rights in the Occupied Palestinian Territories, MEMRI failed to step up to the plate. Perhaps the man made too much sense. Or perhaps they offered it to Glenn Beck, and he passed.
For those who missed it, here's the original interview in English, zero translation required.
No clash of civilisations here, just a wake-up call to the world. If only more of us were actually listening...
