March Madness Predictions

Not that anyone cares, but here are my predictions for tonight's NCAA Men's basketball games.

I predict that:

Wisconsin falls to Davidson (just as a "fuck you" to Fayyad).

Michigan State beats Memphis. The second biggest upset.

Villanova almost beats Kansas.

Texas downs Stanford handily.

More generally, I predict my pre-tourney bracket finishes in the middle of my online group, which is made up mostly of activists too busy to even watch any of the games.

I also predict that KABOB3rs regular Programmer Craig loses 42 consecutive solitaire games as he waits for the next KABOBfest post.

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Great Prophets on Drugs

An Israeli researcher made international waves after finding that Moses was on psychedelic drugs when he transcribed God's Ten Commandments directly from the great being itself.

That prophets can have world-changing revelations while doped up is not news to us at KABOBfest. Our own personality cult leader, the mysterious Nabeel, shared a recent drug-induced epiphany. As his loyal subject, it is my duty to proselytize his divine message.

He took this picture of Obama street art in San Francisco, and analogized it to Orwell's 1984, saying it is like "OBEY." "OBEYMA" anyone?

Now that I have spread our master's word, we only have to figure whether we are to obey Obama or not.

[tarboush tip: Muhammad and His Holiness, Nabeel]

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Your Voice Counts: Vote in a New Blogger

So, normally new posters here at KF are kind of voted in by the current roster of posters -- we are an emerging democracy ourselves -- but this time we will open it up a little. This time KABOBfest commentators have a chance to vote on a new, proposed poster.

I received an e-mail application one "Paul Ruben" -- no not that one -- who claims to specialize in "Profitable Internet Marketing." Yes, I am a little suspicious that his e-mail was sent from an address with the name "Megan" in it, yet was signed by "Paul Robinette." Then again, it is not like we always get our names straight here.

He offered to help us with content writing, programming, and linking -- our current top three weak spots. He also says he can deliver KF 5 times as much traffic and get Google to give us a better web presence. I say we give him a shot. BUt this time, the readers will decide. Vote in the comments section, and please do not vote as "anonymous," since Paul Ruben/Megan/Paul Robinette could easily hijack this election (which would indeed make him an honorary Arab).

From: Paul Ruben
Sent: Monday, February 18, 2008 1:57:05 AM
Subject: Suggestion Re: kabobfest.com

Dear Website Owner,

If we could create 5 times the relevant traffic to your website wouldn’t you be interested? What if we could substantially reduce your pay per click spend as well?

We get top rankings for our clients on Google.

We are one of the leading SEO companies in the world. Our prices are much less than other firms. We have wonderful references.

We Specialize in:

1. Onsite Programming

2. Content Writing

3. Relevant Linking

Please call or email me and I’ll be happy to send you a proposal and a flash presentation explaining our methodology.

Sincerely,

Paul Robinette
VP Sales
National Positions
26500 W. Agoura Road
Suite 102-547
Calabasas, California 91302

You decide if we should invite him on.

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Protocol of Zion XXV: Blogger Infiltration

I guess it’s finally time to come clean about who Quiqui really is. We tried to keep this shit under wraps cause its like one of those awkward things where everyone knows what the deal is, but everyone’s too freaked out to say it out loud - cause that would make it too fucking real.

At first we figured her for one those slutty anti-Zionist activist groupies (you know who we’re talking about, EMILY) whose got a thing for pissing off daddy with some huge A-rab cock (sorry brovazzz, ya’ll iz so pre-2001). But then – only two weeks into her KABOBdomhood – she drops the mother freakin’ Jew card on our semi-private listserv (Omar, seriously what the fuck are you still doing on it?). Can you believe that shit?

So what do you say to something as eff-ed up as that? It’s like when your mom catches you jerking off to a copy of her February issue of Martha Stewart Living. You both know what happened, but ain’t anyone ever saying shit about it.

Needless to say, we remained silent. Another Jew on KABOBfest? What is this Hollywood? No one mentioned a thing about THE THING. But soon we began to get freaked out. True to her nature, she slowly, but surely, began taking over everything wonderful about KABOBfest and declaring it her own. It started with her labeling us all Sodomites, occupying Will’s awesome Christmas-theme site design (not that we’re saying she’s anti-baby Jesus Cristo), and then converting our new look into something resembling a mishmash of milk and honey. What more? She flirted her way to the top of the KABOBchain and demanded Will make her an administrator – thus establishing a de facto checkpoint for all our thoughts (and Fayyad’s anti-spell check activism).

Ok, so as I type this… Quiqui’s sleeping over my house cause she’s hell bent on stealing my virginity. I won’t let her though, cause I’m saving myself for my fourth wife (she’s 14 next week, happy birthday habeebty!!). So like any man in my position would do, I obviously waited for her to fall asleep before rummaging through her duffle bag to find a decent pair of panties to sniff. And when I did, I came across this crazy ass manifesto for Sephardic-cyber domination:

Protocol of Zion XXV: Blogger Infiltration

1. I pass now to the second lit candle on this the first night of Chanukah

2. The Queen's plan of action for the current moment, and all the more so for the future, will be unknown, even to those who are called her closest KABOBers – at the current moment, this be the toothy grinned Russian.

3. The Queen of the Jews must not be at the mercy of her passions, and especially of sensuality: on no side of her character must she give brute instincts power over her mind. – unless, of course, it means flirting with the man made of iron who pretends to run this blog.

Signed by Quiqui, the representative of Zion, of the 69th Degree

WTF does this even mean?!?!?!?!?!?!? Peep this ritualistic photo that the hidden camera I installed over my bed last week to prepare for May’s immanent visit captured of Quiqui doing right before I put her Jew/Arab/Guatemalan/American/Spanish/Black-from-the-back ass to sleep.

--------------------------

Note: Quiqui contributed (actually she wrote the bulk) of the above post and was not harmed in the taking of the photograph. Happy Chanukah! (we finally figured out how to light this thing!)

[tarboush tip: the people's republic of MADE IN CHINA for the lovely menorah]

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Congrats to Niko "Tito" Muvarakopolis!!!

Also known to the KABOBfest community as “Nidalio,” Niko fulfilled a lifelong dream last night by finally opening his own dance studio. Located in the heart of West Philadelphia, Humpity Hump aims to provide disadvantaged youth with an alternative outlet for artistic expression.



Needless to say, he's the "talk of the town" in his hometown of Birzeit, Palestine. Alf mabrook ya habibi!

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Welcoming Emily

Emily is the newest KABOBer, she was just given a desk job at KABOBfest after concluding her undercover assignment successfully. Over the past two years, she worked covertly for KABOBfest in Jordan and the Zionut entity, while posing as a Scholar.

Her assignement included uncovering the secrets of the Israeli dairy industry and studies of Zaatar growth characteristics on either side of the apartheid wall. As an alumnus of an East Coast school with a better than excellent basketball team that smacks QuiQui's down regularly, her addition to the team meant strict new rules around the KABOBfest work place. The new employee handbook has provisions that ban playing 3 on 3 basketball during lunch break as well as bench-burning, as measures to prevent tension escelation.

To put in perspective, the employee hand book does not have rules against sexual harassment. Please welcome Emily as she writes frequent dispatches from as near the apartheid wall as possible without actually feeling it, theoretically that is, until she has to go visit her friends on the other side.

During the school year, KABOBfest does not have the interns to track the Tarboush tips, however, it is thought that Emily ranks among the top 5 recipients, not to mention she is behind half of all KABOBfest's science articles with her guest post about Actinomyces Israelii.

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"My Loony Bun Is Fine Benny Lava!"

Why not start the weekend off with some dope ass Indian music?



Is it just me, or does anyone else imagine that this is what a musical interpretation of Fayyad's honeymoon night would look and sound like? "I'd love to see you pee on us tonight! OooOoooh!"

[tarboush tip: Emily]

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We Welcome Pakistan to the League of Perpetual Emergency Law States

On behalf of several Arab states, the Palestinian Authority and Israel, KABOBfest welcomes Pakistan to the exclusive club of states under emergency law. Though these are long-time members of this esteemed, exceptional group, a Musharraf-led Pakistan should fit right in.

Emergency law is such a nice way to negate implementation of high-handed ideals enumerated in Constitutions -- unless you are Israel, which has no constitution. Instead it has arguably non-binding "Basic Laws" that are also inapplicable during times of emergency law and leave out key democratic freedoms such as such as the Right for Equality, Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom of Protest, and others. Israel has been in a state of emergency since its birth. After all, it still has the natives to deal with. This means for Palestinians, it is martial law, whereas Jews experience order and predictable legality. In sum, it's apartheid.

In solidarity, and to deal with the greatest threat to KABOBfest security, I declare a state of emergency for this blog. I am suspending open commenting access, will rigorously edit and screen posts, and am cutting down on flirtatious dalliance on the KABOBfest e-mail listserv until the "anonymous" terrorists attacking us in the comments section halt their assaults.

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Sarkozy Hates the Ticking

Ever see a French President walk off the set of '60 Minutes'? After a few annoying questions about rumors concerning his wife leaving him, the French right-winger Sarkozy takes out his earpiece and calls the interview a "stupid" and "big mistake."

His wife (the woman he is "American-kissing" in the picture) eventually left him, citing his inability to communicate without getting upset and walking away, his support for Bush and Israel, and the unnatural perfection of his hair.

She should know that KABOBer Fayyad -- who is a great communicator, save for spelling, hates Bush and Israel, and has naturally imperfect hair -- is single and looking.

Notice by the way, how the line about Paris "buzzing" with rumors was overlayed with a shot of two Parisians eating. One wonders what they really were talking about? What do French people talk about anyways?

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And In Local News...

Just to show you that I am attuned to more than just international happenings, I wanted to share with you two non-news items from my local world.

CHICKEN FRIED ENGLISH LANGUAGE
The first is my discovery that the Chinese eatery down the street has the funniest chopsticks package I've ever seen. I read them, since I am a chronic eater-reader, as I munched on a nice dish of sweet-and-sour MSG. The front of the package brought to mind the great movie, Borat:

The other side, which features semi-useful instructions, reminded me of Fayyad's anti-spell checking crusade. This indicates his campaign is having success in China:

There is no word on whether the US is pushing for a recall of these grammatically and syntactically flawed eating utensils.


UM STUDENTS REFRAIN FROM "THROWING OBJECTS"
An e-mail from the University of Michigan's Dean of Students sent to the whole campus community reminded everyone to act civilized this weekend. The football team will be playing a neighboring university, the Eastern Michigan University Eagles, who are housed just down the road in Ypsilanti.

The proximity of the schools gives the opportunity for "football fans in Washtenaw County to come together and show their school spirit and their respect for each other on and off the field" and possibly beat the shit out of each other. The e-mail warns of poor behavior by UM student-fans in the past, but acknowledges that they have been good boys and girls this year:

We are happy to share with you the reports we have had of great fan behavior so far this season, unmarred by rude behavior, offensive language or the tossing of objects. We thank you and look forward to a continuation of competition, fun, safety and respect for fans of both universities.

The absence of vigor among Michigan fans this year, that is, the disappearance of flying objects from the skies, may be linked to the humbling experience from the first game this season -- the surprising loss to Division 1A Appalachian State University. The loss to ASU, as it is called, was only made worse by the fact that the university's promo video, "Hot, Hot, Hot," is humorously pathetic. Yesterday, a friend said it is of middle school AV club quality. I did not believe it at first. How right he was. Enjoy.

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In Memoriam: Michigan Football

Our deepest sympathies and most sincere condolences to Will and Fadi, after the Maize and Blue was destroyed at home by a division 2 team in the season opener.

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Israel Abolishes Apartheid!!!

Yeaaah, that’s as likely as Fayyad actually getting the opportunity to “make it up to” a certain big bootied Latina blogger. (Aim lower habeeby - start with Programmer Craig and work your way up the food chain).

Or, better yet, serve a bit of that spicy KABOB to Israeli Transportation Minister Shaul Mofaz – who announced today that 'security' personnel at Ben Gurion International Airport will no longer mark the luggage belonging to non-Jews with colored tags – “in order to spare these passengers embarrassment,” says Ha’aretz (censored).

WOOHOO! THERE IS A G-D AFTER ALL!!!

Instead, Mofaz explained, the luggage of non-Jewish passengers will be stamped with the same color sticker as the Jewish passengers, only with a different number. In the past, the color of the sticker on the passenger's luggage would indicate to airport security personnel the level of security check they must administer.

Hmmm. People marked with numbers so that a blood-thirsty and power-hungry military state can differentiate between an ethnic group deemed ‘superior’ and another deemed ‘subhuman’… … sounds awfully FUCKING familiar!!

Though the colored stickers have been discontinued since the beginning of August, the luggage belonging to Arab passengers still undergoes a more thorough security check than that of Jews. The Arabs' luggage is sent to an X-ray scanner with higher resolution.

It’s actually a really cool process. Not only do we get our skid-marked pantaloons flung out all over the place for everyone to see, we also get to strip down to our knickers and have random men cup our balls! (You can relate, can’t ya Roy?)

Oh – and let’s not forget about the part where we get separated from our families, locked in private rooms, and interrogated for hours on end with the same old redundant questions – like, “Hey, I’m from Philly too! What high school did ya go to?”

According to Transportation Ministry spokesman Avner Ovadia, "the institution of uniformly colored stickers for all passengers aims to prevent a sense of discrimination among various sectors."

POP QUIZ HOT SHOT – What in bloody hell does that mean?

a) If a Palestinian is being discriminated against, but is too stupid to realize it – then, technically, “discrimination” doesn’t exist.

- OR -

b) As long as “various [non-Palestinian] sectors” don’t notice our discriminatory policies – then, technically, "discrimination" doesn’t exist.

I dunno. Maybe I’m being too much of a pessimist. After all, it took Israel an entire “public committee” (headed by Jim Crowzinsky of course) to come up with this sincere stroke of genius.

Too bad many Arabs don’t see it that way…

[A]n Arab resident of Nazareth [Hosni abu-Sherlock] who frequently flies out of Ben Gurion airport said he had no trouble at all identifying the marked luggage. "This is the exact same system, with a slight change in stickers. In the past, an Arab passenger would receive a red sticker, and now the Arab passenger receives a sticker with the number 5 on it," the man explained.

And that, my friends, is reason 1,948 why I love Israel… and all its Zionut friends.

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Modern Chronology of the Keffiyah Kraze

1906-1910 >
While conducting thesis fieldwork in Syria and Palestine, T.E. Lawrence discovers keffiyahs to be useful both for keeping out the cold and for keeping out the heat.

1921
Rudolph Valentino and his kuffiya star in silent film, The Sheik.

1926
Kufiya and Valentino reunited for The Son of the Sheik. Still no sound.

Mid-Late 1930s
The kuffiyah becomes symbol of Palestinian nationalism and an expression of class struggle against British occupation. British army chief proposes jailing any Palestinian who wears keffiyah. Is overruled by his superiors who kindly ask him to bloody shut the fuck up already, you chattering hen.

Tea, anyone?

1962
Peter O'Toole in white keffiyeh as T.E. Lawrence in Lawrence of Arabia. Oscar goes to... Gregory Peck.

Mid 1960s
Kaffiyahs begin to appear in U.S. within anti-Vietnam war movement. Activists on anti-imperialist left declare solidarity with Palestinians.

Arafat adopts scarf. Drapes it over shoulder into the shape of Palestine.

1970
Leila Khaled gives gender the finger by wearing previously masculine kuffiyah in style of hijab. Is immediately re-gendered by prepubescent school boys by becoming pin-up sensation of choice.

1983 >
Professional wrestler, The Iron Sheik, signs with WWF to personify every negative stereotype about the Middle East in case you didn't already have them. At autograph signing event in Detroit, reports surface of a five year-old brat named Will repeatedly yanking kaffiyeh off of Sheik's head.

1988
After several unsuccessful attempts, Fayyad finally consults the Guide to Wrapping your Keffiyah into a Mask so you can Creep the Streets of Jenin Spraying Anti-Occupation Graffiti. The event later inspires him to author his own series of "How To" guides while in college, including the Guide to Campus Divestment from Israel, the Guide to Stirring Creamer in Coffee, and the Guide to Stirring Creamer in Salma Hayek's Coffee.

Three months into Palestinian intifada, CBS reports being puzzled by keffiyah sightings on Americans. Time magazine teaches Americans how to pronounce "keh-fee-yah" and assures parents: "It’s just an accessory… The ethnic type of look is in right now… The idea that it’s political is ridiculous."

1990 >
Big pimpin' in the 4th grade, school principal confiscates Nadeem's keffiyah after the girls in his class report his presence to be "simply too terrorgasmic to concentrate."

1991
Street keffiyah-wearing wanes around the U.S. in light of Persian Gulf War. Arab Americans report feeling afraid to wear it. Scarf remains ubiquitous among anti-War movement.

April 2001
Sting performs in front of pyramids at Giza. Unable to decide which color keffiyah best matches his eyes.

June 2001
Raf Simons takes up keffiyahs on Spring 2002 collection. Simons says: "They are not terrorists. They are fighters for independence and freedom."

September 2001
Hate crimes against U.S. Arabs increase. Peace activists intensify keffiyah-wearing in solidarity.

May 2002
Columbia University students wear keffiyahs to graduation ceremony in solidarity with Palestine.

March 20, 2003 >
At Baghdad's Fashion Week, George W. Bush's new ready-to-wear line introduces the "Blood-stained Keffiyah." Continues to be hottest accessory on streets to date.

November 2003
Never one to turn down a dare (especially not after last call) Fayyad masks himself in keffiyah and walks up and down Madison's State Street. Freaks out drunken university students.

January 2004
AP photographer snaps a picture of Howard Dean wearing a keffiyah during Presidential primaries. In spin control, Dean's Jewish affairs adviser, Matt Dorf, explains scarf was thrown over Dean's shoulders by a young supporter, and assures AIPAC and friends that it was yanked off "after four seconds."

November 2004
"Keffiyah" gets her own Wikipedia page. Fights begin over her history, symbolism, and most importantly -- her spelling and variations. Official KABOBfest Style Guide: "Spell it every single way to increase search engine returns!" كوفية, keffiyeh, keffiye, keffiyah, kefiyah, kefiya, kefiyat, kaffiyeh, kaffiyah, kaffiya, kafiya, kufiyah, kuffiyah, kufiya, shmagh, shemagh, gutra, hatta...

January 2005
Hugo Chavez dons keffiyah at World Social Forum. Does not apologize.

February 17, 2005
Village Voice reports: "Arafat's trademark scarf is now military chic"

May 2005 >
Brazilian soccer star, Ronaldo, wears keffiyah while visiting Palestine during 57th Al Nakba.

July 2005
Ricky Martin poses for photos with keffiyah draped over shoulders while visiting Jordan for Arab Children's Congress. Announces support for the Palestinian cause and for refugees' right of return.

August 2005
After his people ask him to remember "just who signs your paychecks around here," Ricky Martin apologizes for wardrobe malfunction. Blames Jordanian children for putting keffiyah on his shoulders without realizing what it represented. Insists he was taken advantage of and as a special gesture, promises to play a concert in Israel on his next world tour the following spring.

December 8, 2005
Matt Lauer suspected of wearing keffiyah to keep warm during filming of Today Show episode. Sparks Keffiyah-Gate.

January 2006 >
Jon Audarson of streetwear label Dead transforms keffiyah pattern into western shirt. Snaps photo of Quentin Tarantino rocking the mishmash of cultures.

International Herald Tribune reports, "Scarf morphs into iconic accessory." Chief editor of British GQ insists scarf has not lost its original political meaning.

April 2006
In LA Times article, "'Terrorist Chic' and Beyond," writer Daniel Hernandez examines the keffiyah kraze by wearing one. Looks in mirror and startles himself.

May 2006
Days before scheduled performance, Ricky Martin cancels Israeli debut due to low ticket sales. Promises to visit to Israel at an unspecified future date.

June 2006 >
Palestinian-American fashion designer Nemi Jamal spins keffiyah (hatta) into new forms of attire. Expresses desire to "take it further, expand on its possibilities and use it as clothing... I want to make the hatta into the bandanna of today."

July 2006
Spain’s Prime Minister Zapatero wears keffiyah at rally for young Socialists. Accuses Israel of using "abusive force" in its military operations.

Anti-Defamation League condemns Zapatero for his racist comments and wardrobe.

November 2006
Top Shop markets minimalist version of keffiyeh: "The Table Cloth Scarf."

December 2006
As part of spring fashion accessories line, Urban Outfitters begins sale of $20 keffiyahs marketed as "Anti-War Woven Scarves."

Manager of one New York Urban Outfitters store reports it to be his top selling scarf.

January 2007 >
Commodification takes unexpected turn with "Kaffieyh Yisraelit." Like the fate of hummus and the hookah, Israeli entrepreneurs now appropriate keffiyah, adorning it with miniature Stars of David. "It's going to be like the falafel," scarf-designer brags. Gets AIPAC, CAMERA, and Alan Dershowitz on speed dial to help convince Americans into believing keffiyah was Israel's first.

Urban Outfitters halts sale of keffiyah per Zionists' careful instructions. In lieu of pulling scarves, Canadian Urban Outfitters renames them "Shemagh Scarves." Continued commodification of Arabic culture assured in five fashion-friendly color variations.

February 2007 >
Anne Frank spotted all over Amsterdam in keffiyah. Chooses traditional red/white pattern over Kaffieyh Yisraelit.

French designer Nicholas Ghesquiere's "Balenciaga Scarf" appears in his collegiate-inspired ready-to-wear collection.

Keffiyah fad is "dead," declares fashion student Whats-Her-Name in New York Times article.

March 2007
Urban Outfitters near UCLA continuing sale of keffiyahs. Maytha dons undercover cultural reporter disguise (read: Maytha pretends to know nothing) and asks salesboy what "this" is. Salesboy responds with, "Oh, I think these are handmade, one of a kind, something special like that." (read: Salesboy pretends to know something)

Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor in keffiyah for latest video, "Survivalism."

April 2007 >
"Balenciaga Scarf" makes it on Style.com’s must-haves for Fall 2007.

David Beckham spotted wearing blue keffiyah in Madrid.

July 2007
Urban Outfitters' Keffiyah Kraze, Version 2: The Heart Woven Desert Scarf is "the Shemagh scarf with a girly touch." Available in bink and burble.

Teen clothing catalog, Alloy’s version: "The Riviera Scarf"

ASOS capitalizes on keffiyah in the style of Cameron Diaz with the "Rock Tassle Scarf in the style of Cameron Diaz"

ASOS capitalizes on keffiyahs in the style of Carl Barat and David Beckham with the "Libertines Check Scarf in the style of Carl Barat and David Beckham"

Teen Vogue declares Kirstin Dunst's brown number to be "Breezy, Global Chic." Right-wing blog visitors declare to now hate Kirstin Dunst.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Certain to be continued...

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__________________________________

Special thanks to:

Ted Swedenburg and his work on the keffiyah, particularly his 1992 article in the Michigan Quarterly Review: "Seeing double: Palestinian/American histories of the kufiya." (v31.n4 (Fall 1992): pp557(21)). As you can probably tell by the title, it has great information on the history of the keffiyah -- kufiya -- however he spells it. Check out Dr. Swedenburg's excellent blog at: http://swedenburg.blogspot.com/

Georgetown's Center for Contemporary Arab Studies' Meagan Bridges on her informative analysis: The Transnational Keffiyeh and the Politics of Style (April 10, 2007) where KABOBfest's very own Maytha makes a special guest appearance as footnotes #23 and #58!

RELATED VIDEO:

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Middle Eastern Ingenuity

Nadeem, this is for you.

We're all sorry that you ended up with a job where you have to actually do... well, work.

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To Fadi With Love

Last week, Fadi took issue with Queen Rania, dat sista over in Jordan. While I personally believe Fadi him self is more worthy of the ADC leadership award, I thought I would play peacemaker between the two.

Through the following clip, I was hoping to affect a change of heart on Fadi's part, and I intend to do the same with Rania once she learns of Fadi. Isn't she lovely?

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Will's Favorite Game!

Otherwise known as "Everyday in the East Village"




And, interesting enough, everything on this Bingo grid I have seen Nadeem wear or use. Well, everything except the tattoo of "a" star. He doesn't just have "a" star, but two representing his deep cultural commitments-a Wiccan Blue star on his right arm and a star of David on his left...The classic Jew Goth Hipster look!

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Good Frikin' Knafeh (Kunafa)

N0 animals were hurt in the making of this photo-collage.

Omar Offendum of the N.O.M.A.D.S. put together this photographic homage to the great Israeli (syke!) dessert dish known as Kunafa, while paying tribute to the silliness of me hopped up on it. The sweet dish is famously made best in Nablus, which is why Detroit's Masri Sweets has the best Kunafa in the States. The family that owns the shop is from Nablus.

A group of us, including former (Badr), prolific (Fayyad) and soon-to-be-prolific-again (Nabeel) KABOBers, had a nice Sunday lunch at Goood Frikin' Chicken, an incredibly good Levantine Arabic chicken place in San Francisco's Mission district. Omar snapped away while I ate like I was pregnant.

If you go to GFC, tell Suzy I sent you. Maybe I can get a free plate of mensef there (yes they have it, and Fayyad scarfed one heaping plate full down before I could say "sahtein").

Looking at Omar's pics above, can you taste the honey sauce?

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File Under 'Old News'

Last month, KABOBfest put a team up for the charity race known as the Idiotarod. Though we did not finish in the top 50, we had a great time and alienated a lot of drunk white people. KABOBallies designed and produced the highly aerodynamic KABOBrocket, which served us well, especially in our surprise sabotage acts against other teams (involving eggs and super soakers).

A Current TV report featured some brief snippets of the KABOBfest team in action, mainly standing around and throwing eggs. The website described the Idiotarod perfectly:

They wear costumes, drink beer, and run around the streets of Washington, D.C. with shopping carts. But the racers of the annual Idiotarod are anything but idiotodic. This urban take on the Alaskan dogsled race is actually a massive fundraising effort.

We have some great pictures of the KABOBfest team. Enjoy:

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This Just In: Zionists Are Paranoid

It seems like Zionists are too tangled up in their ethno-religiously supremacist ideology that they can't recognize a joke even when it hits them on the head.

Last month's World View News Service Sexiest Anti-Zionist contest, which was won by KABOBfest's own Chaim Sugerman (His contest's campaign poster shown), seems to have ruined Valentines Day for Shulamit Reinharz, a professor at Brandies University, which some might call a fine institution of higher education, even though it's a stronghold for Zionist ideologues, making it near impossible to spread open-mindedness on that campus.

In Nadeem's famous words: Grow a funny bone.

By way of introduction, Shulamit Reinharz is a director of The David Project, a propaganda institute that incites hatred of Arabs and Muslims, as a way pf promoting Zionism and apologetics for Israel. Her husband is the president of Brandeis.

To send a few more Zionust over the edge, KABOBfest pledges to collaborate with WVNS to make next year's World Sexiest Anti-Zionist yet a bigger blow-out, perhaps even bigger than Mardi Gras, perhaps this time we'll draw the foul from crazy man Dershowitz.

[Tarboush tip: WVNS]

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Dearest Fayyad...

I would like to publicly apologize for not saying goodbye to you before leaving yesterday. After being dropped off at the metro station and trekking home in the freezing cold, I passed out on my couch only to wake up several hours later with no recollection of where I was and/or how I got there. While I had initially planned on returning to Will’s fortress of love in time to lay claim to the last Krispy Kreme doughnut, by the time I woke up it was far too late for me to make the journey. Besides, I was certain that you had already devoured the aforementioned pastry… sahtan ya khanzeer!

Nevertheless, I would like to thank you for the great fun and many laughs we shared over the course of these last two days. I will never forget the way you looked when I first laid eyes on you at Mama Lucia's. The way you made love to that bowl of pasta will forever be ingrained in my memory. Your f.o.b-ish stories, neatly ironed clothes, salsa maneuvers, and repulsive snoring are things that I will take with me to the grave. Thank you for such wonderful blessings!

But most of all – I’d like to thank you for your complete lack of personal and social inhibition. The way you lay on Will’s couch – all sprawled out in nothing but your tank-top and tiny white Fruit of the Loom briefs – is something that I wish I too had the self-confidence to do. Those hairy and rough, yet pasty, olive-skin thighs of yours symbolize everything I strive to be: a strong-willed Arab man who pays no regard to such silly things as pride and self-image. You’ve taught me that personal comfort is the most important thing in life – even if it comes at the expense of other people’s comfort. And for that, my friend, I thank you.

May you have a safe and wonderful flight home – and please do come visit us again! You’re beautiful inside and out, regardless of whether or not you shave your armpits.

Habeeby, your confidence is inspirational.

Sincerely,

Nadeem

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