To commemorate the 60th birthday of the only democracy in the region, KABOBfest celebrated its only purely Jewish investigative journalist by making him the subject of the latest poll.
What Does the Name Chaim Sugarman Mean to You?
Over one-third correctly characterized him as a "Hot Yahoodi Stud." That was indeed the right answer, as was "Pro-Arab Sellout," which garnered 17% of the votes. The answer suggesting he is the heart and soul of the fest, while tempting was also technically inaccurate. He is the more analogous to the legs of ths blog.
Nothing at all. | |
Hot Yahoodi Stud. | |
Pro-Arab Sell-Out | |
The Heart and Soul of KABOBfest | |
A Schmeggege. | |
Thank you for voting and keeping our faith in the magic of democracy strong.
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Okay, so I admit it wasn't the most awe-inspiring KABOBpoll yet. It was something more like "push-polling," those fake polls politicians use to get messages out rather than really gauge public opinion. We just wanted to let you know why the Fest is a bit slower until the end of this month at least. The summer will bring you the hottest, spiciest KABOBs yet, I promise.
The bloggers are mostly students in finals season. | |
Hating Israel is sucking all our energy. | |
Programmer Buydatti beat it out of us. | |
There is like nothing in the news these days. | |
Votes so far: 69
Poll closed
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Question: Hillary is so desperate for press, she would:
crawl out of Britney Spears' uterus | |
sell her bod to Spitzer | |
occupy Tibet | |
attend an Indonesian madrassa wearing Somali clothing | |
kidnap a little white girl | |
Votes: 60
KABOBreaders are a wise and learned bunch.
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Two men, same religion, same haircut but with very different pointing tones.
KABOBfest readers are convinced Barack HUSSAIN Obama is trying to pull a fast one here. Not only are they sure he is an undercover Muslim brother, but they have the undeniable logic figured out: his haircut very much resembles Malcolm X's. How can you argue with that?
he lacks foreskin. | |
his middle name is Hussein. | |
his wife always stands behind him when he's seen in public. | |
the Jihadis will dance in the streets if he wins. | |
he has a Malcolm X haircut. | |
he attended madrassahs in Indonesia. | |
Please vote in the newest KABOBpoll (at the top right)
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With all the media coverage of the Quaker state as the next US primary election battleground, KABOBfest wanted to survey its readers about what they think is the best thing about the state.
And the winner is "Noam Chomsky," who is from Philadelphia. He was followed by, "it's not New Jersey," and "the Roots and Erykah Badu.' Badu as it turns out is from Texas, but Pennsylvania will take what it can get.
Notable Islamophobe Daniel Pipes only got one vote (from me).
Amish Licorice | |
Noam Chomsky | |
It's Not New Jersey | |
Daniel Pipes/Campus Watch | |
Quakers | |
The Roots and Erykah Badu | |
Votes: 68
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Sadly, there was no clear winner in the poll about where Abu Mazen's testicles are. The winner, however, was "What Balls?":
In Condi's Purse | |
In Israel's Teeth | |
In Hamas's Hands | |
What Balls? | |
Using "Balls" to Denote Subjective Traits is Problematic | |
Comfortably Tucked in Silk Gucci Boxers | |
Votes: 76
Since "In Hamas's Hands," only got one vote, we can assume that's what Abu Mazen voted for. We all know he's a big reader on this site.
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A recent survey commissioned by Bar-Ilan University's BESA Center and the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) found that 71% of Israelis want America to take military action against Iran if nuclear program talks fail... once again proving that Israelis don't give a shit about what's really in the best interest of the United States.
Interestingly, the same survey found that despite solid evidence (and American public opinion), 59% of Israelis still believe that the war against Iraq was justified. Moreover, 91% agree that maintaining close relations with the US is vital to Israeli security. 100% of those polled, however, attribute this belief to the fact that Israelis are pussy wimp bitches who've been snug-huggin' American dick for far too long.
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TIME Magazine has published its annual list of the world's 100 most influential people, or what its editors hail as 'the 100 men and women whose power, talent or moral example is transforming the world'. Meanwhile TIME's website conducted a simultaneous poll, encouraging hundreds of thousands of readers to submit their own rankings online.
The results?
Meet Rain, the most influential person on the planet:
I wonder, did I miss something? When did South Korean pop music take the world by storm? When did its global influence surpass that of Nelson Mandela (#24), Bill Gates (#35), Ban Ki-Moon(#51) and others? Should I have been paying more attention?
Two weeks ago, while polling was still open, I admit I spent some time perusing the list for Arab names, hoping at least one of 'our kind' had cracked the top 100. No one had. The closest contender at #134 was Osama bin Laden, read it and weep.
I recall at the time I was furious that this myth of a man -- a man propelled to fame in many ways by the Bush Administration -- could be the perceived as the most 'influential' Arab of our time. Sure Gamal Abdel Nasser and Edward Said are long gone. But who's replaced them? Where's our next great revolutionary, our next great scholar? Is there no other man or woman among us 'whose power, talent or moral example is transforming the world'?
The answer would come when TIME announced its online poll results on Friday, and a dark horse appeared out of nowhere. Amr Khaled not only surpassed O.B.L., but he ranked within the top 20 on the list.
So in the end the televangelist has more influence than the terrorist. Good to know I suppose, but forgive me if I'm not quite relieved.
No disrespect to Amr Khaled, but I'd rather be listening to Rain.
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