When he looks like Mark Twain.
So a right-wing maniac shoots up a church -- kills two and wounds more -- because of the congregation's liberal views, and not one media outlet refers to him as a terrorist - according to a Google News search of the man's name and the t-word. "Adkisson terrorist" did not get one result. A search for his name alone, in contrast, gave up 3,538 articles.
To be fair, a search for "Adkisson terrorism" had two hits, one of which was a Huffington Post piece on this subject by Joe Lauria.
If Adkisson was named Al-Kassam, and the attack was over the congregation's liberal social views, you can be damn sure the term "terrorist" would be used.
Adkisson was trying to use violence to target those who disagree with him, or to promote his ideology. He was employing terror as a tactic. I think that is the most reasonable definition of the term.
Sadly, "terrorists" have become a code for militant Muslims only -- as if militants of other religious persuasions have not terrorized populations for political ends (ahem, George W. Bush).
Some might say this is nitpicking with semantics. "Terrorist" is just a label, they may say. It is more however. It has been conceptualized as something to fight, something foreign that needs invading and exceptional police and surveillance powers to oppose. Home-grown lunatics that massacre people terrorize people, yet do not fit the functional description mobilizing government powers.
Some may argue that foreign origins matter. It is as if their foreignness could cause the downfall of society. It seems more intuitive that this form of violence threatens the fabric of American society much more. The United States as a polity could withstand foreign attacks because the people would see their origins as external. However, socio-cultural trends towards domestic acts of terrorism could tug further at the country's institutions than any foreign threat.
Monday, July 28, 2008
When Is a Terrorist Not a Terrorist?
Monday, July 21, 2008
Spitfire-side Chats: And the one millionth "suspected terrorist" wins...
The ACLU recently reported that the US government's terrorist watch list has now reached a whopping 1 million names. After learning this information, one KABOBer asked:
1. Norelco beard trimmer2. Apple pie3. A Lynard Skynard's Greatest Hits CDHanaan:1. A limited-edition Armani orange jumpsuit for when they inevitably get sent to Guantanamo.2. A Photo shoot with Barack Obama for the cover of "The New Yorker" magazine.Maytha:1. Avatar dark-tinted sunglasses (preferably Ray Ban's)2. A haute couture hijab3. FBI pens and notebooks (extra supply leftover from AAI and ADC banquet gift-bags).4. A Larry King phone-in question opportunity.5. Waterproof protective covering for his/her Qur'an.6. A reality series on E! with potential for Lohan and/or Kardashian cross-over episodes.7. A cameo on "Sleeper Cell."Diana:A "once-in-a-lifetime" offer to be a blogger on KABOBfest.tarik:A $100 GAS CAR (for driving the prices so high)!!!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
VIDEO: Christopher Hitchens continues to save us from our failed imaginations
Last year, Christopher Hitchens proved to the world that your girlfriends aren't lying when they tell you that getting a bikini wax qualifies as torture. (WARNING: Clicking on that link will take you to Hitchy's leg pubes.)
And now this year, Hitchens has uped the torture antee by undergoing the waterboarding. The verdict: "Believe Me, It’s Torture," he says. And you know what? I totally believe it now.
Some things, as Christopher Hitchens knows, are just more believable when they come from a white guy. From a white guy with a British accent. Spoken to the beat of Eurotrash techno music. Maybe next year he can strap a car battery to his testicles and let us know how that goes.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Fox News on Obama's "terrorist fist jab"
Michelle and Barack Obama garner national news coverage after engaging in some secret terrorist body language code.
Did she really say "terrorist fist jab"?
I think it's more newsworthy entertaining to see that Fox News, its managers, producers, anchors and body language experts (is there an intern in the house?) have never heard of or seen anyone give daps.
Not surprised.
P.S. Did he really slap her ass?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
OLBERMANN: Boycott Dunkin' Donuts for giving into fascists like Michelle Malkin
The [Worst Person in the World] winners tonight: Dunkin' Donuts of Canton, Massachussetts. The unbearable Rachael Ray in an ad for the donut and coffee chain to which the lunatic fringe responded in an apoplexy of xenophobic paranoia because that -- that thing around her neck, that is not just a stupid scarf, they think that is what Yasser Arafat used to wear on his head. See it's, it's "jihadist chic" and having already driven business to Dunkin' Donuts by applauding its supposed stance in favor of tough immigration laws, the Right threatened to boycott. So what did Dunkin' Donuts do? They folded. They were as weak as their decaf:
"In a recent online ad, Rachel Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended, however, given the possibilty of misperception we are no longer using the commercial." (DUNKIN' DONUTS STATEMENT)
They pulled the ad? Because of the "possibility of misperception" by the right-wing equivalence of jihadists. The people in this country who most closely share the mentalities of the terrorists. Who act the most like Middle Eastern nut jobs who:
You know, the Michelle Malkins of the world. And you gave in to them? Because they merely mentioned the possibility of a boycott? How about this... how about the rest of us boycott Dunkin' Donuts for giving into fascists like Michele Malkin? And for giving way to perhaps the most absurd idea the lunatic fringers have ever belched forth.
They think there are terrorist scarves! TERRORIST SCARVES! Dunkin' Donuts. Time to stop buying the donuts.
Today's worst persons (terrorist scarves...?!) of the world.
RELATED:
Dunkin' Zionuts
Modern Chronology of the Keffiyah Kraze
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Keffiyeh infiltrates our nation's youth
Sunday, February 10, 2008
13, No Wait, 12 People Who Do Not Want To Blow You Up
In a hilariously misled attempt to publish a book on tolerance, two New York-based writers compiled write-ups of 13 people, mostly Muslims and with scary foreign-sounding names, and at the end of each say, "He does not want to blow you up!"
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does not want a chapter on himself saying "he does not want to blow you up!" Be careful, Kareem! You'll get the FBI on your back if you appear too resistant to the idea.
So, that leaves 12 people who do not want to blow me up. What about the other 1,609,999,988 Muslims in the world?
As a counterpart to this book, if it is indeed published in the end, may I recommend a list of white people with names that sound like your neighbors' with entries such as, "Ted Kaczinsky, he'd LOVE to blow you up!"
Tarboush Tip: Tiffany for the article and basically the whole idea.
Friday, October 26, 2007
And don't miss the day-after-Islamo-Fascist-week sale this weekend!
- Stephen Colbert now more popular than Obama, Osama and Chelsea's momma [Mashable]
- "I heard Al Qaeda causes night to fall" [Raw Story]
- Liberal scientists now innoculating our nation's worms with the gay [Yahoo]
- FEMA shoots Comedy Central pilot as California burns [CNN]
- If you take out the undecideds, then lots of people are decided [CNI]
- Sweetie, just remind everyone that you, too, had a big ol' nose that you lopped off to look white [Telegraph]
- KABOBers to demand Will peg our sexual favors to Euro effective immediately. [Bloomberg]
[Tarboush tip: Fayyad]
Thursday, October 25, 2007
But you're making it sound like a bad thing
- Depends on how it's done. Does it involve a tubby named The Gimp? Any fuzz on those handcuffs? Just how many clothes pins? [NY Times]
- When your list of assholes hits 755,000, consider that maybe you're the asshole [USA Today]
- Fox News shamelessly steals Nadeem, Fayyad, and QuiQui's idea for KABOBspoof. [Think Progress]
- Our nomination must have gotten lost in the mail [Family Security Matters]
- "I mean, who hasn't dozed off when the leader of the free world was talking about a massive conflagration that had sent more than half a million people in the nation's most populous state running for their lives?" [Swamp Politics]
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Get your terrorgasmic T-shirts, you slacker terrorists!
As someone who has been racially profiled and detained at airports and border crossings because (whoops!) my Latino ass looks Arab, I make it a point to wear my "We will not be silent" shirt whenever I fly.
Which is actually written in Persian.
Who are not the same thing as Arabs.
But it doesn't matter because all y'all people look alike.
It's interesting because I've never had trouble at airports with that T-shirt. Instead, I've been asked on a couple of occasions by fellow passengers where they can get one. So I let them know but caution them that no matter how hard they try, they can never look like me.
See T-shirts -- because I have a lot of T-shirts -- I cut up so that they look less boring. This makes me happy. And this particular T-shirt I cut up so much -- and made so small -- it could have doubled as a bandana. Or maybe a wash cloth. Or an oil-stained rag.
Which might explain how I was able to lose track of it this past summer in Guatemala. :-(
A couple of weeks ago I had to fly out to Los Angeles to photograph a wedding -- because I photograph weddings -- and I realized I missed my shirt. But exactly four hours before I boarded the flight, I'm on campus and my friend Mike tosses a "Not a Terrorist" T-shirt at me, which he designed.
Yessss! My new airport attire has arrived! I should totally wear this today, I said. And Mike totally agreed. And if I could do him the favor of getting arrested for it, it would give him amazing, amazing amounts of free publicity.
But our other friend reminded me that, oops! I have to actually make it to Los Angeles because someone is getting married, is paying me big bucks, and can sue my ass if I don't show up or whatever.
"But officer! I swear I'm just going to shoot a wedding, not like, shoot up a wedding!"
So check it out. Not a Wear:
Welcome to NOT A WEAR.com, home of the official "Not A Terrorist" T-Shirt! This website is a result of being Middle Eastern in Post 9-11 America. Being that I’m a Palestinian (Yes we still claim it!) and have unmistakably Arab genetics, some would say I have that "classic terrorist" look. You know the one I’m talking about: brown skin, beard and mustache, and those piercing beady little Death-to-America eyes.
After the numerous stares and one too many old ladies having a heart attack every time I boarded an airplane, I snapped. Oh Yeah! I became fanatical and in my fit of Middle Eastern rage, I decided that I would fight back: FIRE WITH FIRE! So I wrote "Not A Terrorist" on a shirt and started sporting it to match my beard!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
BLAME IT ON THE NIQAB!!
According to Ynet, a shit-load of Israel’s top porn sites report that between 2 – 10% of their monthly page hits stem from Muslim countries. In fact, the trend has caught on so much that many Israeli sites – like “Ratuv” (Hebrew for “wet” / FusHa for “gross as fuck”) – have started offering services in Arabic.
According to site statistics, last month there were over 2,000 hits from Riad, the capital of Saudi Arabia. The average time a Saudi surfer spends on SexV is 17:23 minutes.Chaim Sugarman, KABOBfest’s Head of Dick-Related Statistical Affairs, notes:
Altogether, that’s 34,460 minutes of passionate pud whacking time! According to LittleSpeck.com, the average Saudi boner measures 4.9-inches – meaning 9,800-ft of Muslim dick were pleasured during this great endeavor! Given that the average jizz dispersal per dong is two teaspoons, I can say with the utmost confidence that 4,000 tea spoons of cum have been wasted on Israeli kooter. To put that in perspective, 768 teaspoons equal 1 US gallon – so last month 5.21 gallons of Saudi EJ were spilled just on kosher porn alone. That’s roughly enough dick juice to fill 50 bowls of your favorite breakfast cereal. Bone appetite!It’s official – the niqab has succeeded in becoming so much of a cock-block that Muslim men have turned to the Middle East’s nastiest looking babes (and I use the term loosely) for some much needed imaginary lovin'.
Interestingly enough, webmasters claim that the most popular sites among young Muslims are those that feature traditional Ziofascist themes – such as female soldiers, policewomen, and Mosad agents.
The most popular video clip among Arabs, "Code name: Deep investigation," is described as "a parody dealing with the Vanunu affair with agents investigating the affair using erotic means."And while Stockholm Syndrome's got much of the Mid East's ass-deprived pervs koos-whipped by the tips of their Hebrew Nationals - Zionuts are getting rich!
"Israeli and Arab surfers do not communicate on the website. Ideology? No, it's purely business," Tzahi laughed. "Porn will not bring about peace but at least we get some money out of our enemies' pockets."Ain't dat some shit?
[Tarboush Tip: Fadi]
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Oh shit... Giuliani really will win
I was only half-kidding before but now I'm absolutely convinced.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
JESUS CHRIST! That's a lot of hair...
On Sunday, July 15th, Fatah gunman Amjad Halawi came out of hiding in the West Bank city of Bethlehem after seven years of being on the run from Israel. According to the AP, "Halawi grew a thick mane of black hair well below his shoulders because he said he was too afraid to come out of hiding, even for a trip to the barbershop." Funny? Yes. Outlandish? No. Remember Fayyad's post about How a Haircut Could Land You in Jail?
He was able to come out of hiding after Palestinian "President" Mahmoud Abbas struck up a bullshit Fatah-only "amnesty" (i.e. - let's skrew with Hamas) deal with Israel that allowed for about 180 Fatah-affiliated men to be removed from Israel's "wanted" list in exchange for their promise to lay down arms and refrain from participating in any sort of military resistance against Israel's illegal occupation.
Also among those granted amnesty was Jenin-based Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade commander Zakariya Zubeidi. What will he do now, you ask? Pursue his love for theatre of course! Surprised? Don't be - just pick up a copy of the documentary Arna's Children and you'll know why.
Fayyad will post more on Zakariya Zubeidi and the Abbas - Olmert "amnesty deal" in the near future. Until then... more TERRORGASMIC hair pictures!!!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Modern Chronology of the Keffiyah Kraze
1906-1910 >
While conducting thesis fieldwork in Syria and Palestine, T.E. Lawrence discovers keffiyahs to be useful both for keeping out the cold and for keeping out the heat.
1921
Rudolph Valentino and his kuffiya star in silent film, The Sheik.
1926
Kufiya and Valentino reunited for The Son of the Sheik. Still no sound.
Mid-Late 1930s
The kuffiyah becomes symbol of Palestinian nationalism and an expression of class struggle against British occupation. British army chief proposes jailing any Palestinian who wears keffiyah. Is overruled by his superiors who kindly ask him to bloody shut the fuck up already, you chattering hen.
1962
Peter O'Toole in white keffiyeh as T.E. Lawrence in Lawrence of Arabia. Oscar goes to... Gregory Peck.
Kaffiyahs begin to appear in U.S. within anti-Vietnam war movement. Activists on anti-imperialist left declare solidarity with Palestinians.
1970
Leila Khaled gives gender the finger by wearing previously masculine kuffiyah in style of hijab. Is immediately re-gendered by prepubescent school boys by becoming pin-up sensation of choice.
1983 >
Professional wrestler, The Iron Sheik, signs with WWF to personify every negative stereotype about the Middle East in case you didn't already have them. At autograph signing event in Detroit, reports surface of a five year-old brat named Will repeatedly yanking kaffiyeh off of Sheik's head.
1988
After several unsuccessful attempts, Fayyad finally consults the Guide to Wrapping your Keffiyah into a Mask so you can Creep the Streets of Jenin Spraying Anti-Occupation Graffiti. The event later inspires him to author his own series of "How To" guides while in college, including the Guide to Campus Divestment from Israel, the Guide to Stirring Creamer in Coffee, and the Guide to Stirring Creamer in Salma Hayek's Coffee.
Three months into Palestinian intifada, CBS reports being puzzled by keffiyah sightings on Americans. Time magazine teaches Americans how to pronounce "keh-fee-yah" and assures parents: "It’s just an accessory… The ethnic type of look is in right now… The idea that it’s political is ridiculous."
1990 >
Big pimpin' in the 4th grade, school principal confiscates Nadeem's keffiyah after the girls in his class report his presence to be "simply too terrorgasmic to concentrate."
1991
Street keffiyah-wearing wanes around the U.S. in light of Persian Gulf War. Arab Americans report feeling afraid to wear it. Scarf remains ubiquitous among anti-War movement.
April 2001
Sting performs in front of pyramids at Giza. Unable to decide which color keffiyah best matches his eyes.
June 2001
Raf Simons takes up keffiyahs on Spring 2002 collection. Simons says: "They are not terrorists. They are fighters for independence and freedom."
September 2001
Hate crimes against U.S. Arabs increase. Peace activists intensify keffiyah-wearing in solidarity.
May 2002
Columbia University students wear keffiyahs to graduation ceremony in solidarity with Palestine.
March 20, 2003 >
At Baghdad's Fashion Week, George W. Bush's new ready-to-wear line introduces the "Blood-stained Keffiyah." Continues to be hottest accessory on streets to date.
November 2003
Never one to turn down a dare (especially not after last call) Fayyad masks himself in keffiyah and walks up and down Madison's State Street. Freaks out drunken university students.
January 2004
AP photographer snaps a picture of Howard Dean wearing a keffiyah during Presidential primaries. In spin control, Dean's Jewish affairs adviser, Matt Dorf, explains scarf was thrown over Dean's shoulders by a young supporter, and assures AIPAC and friends that it was yanked off "after four seconds."
November 2004
"Keffiyah" gets her own Wikipedia page. Fights begin over her history, symbolism, and most importantly -- her spelling and variations. Official KABOBfest Style Guide: "Spell it every single way to increase search engine returns!" كوفية, keffiyeh, keffiye, keffiyah, kefiyah, kefiya, kefiyat, kaffiyeh, kaffiyah, kaffiya, kafiya, kufiyah, kuffiyah, kufiya, shmagh, shemagh, gutra, hatta...
January 2005
Hugo Chavez dons keffiyah at World Social Forum. Does not apologize.
February 17, 2005
Village Voice reports: "Arafat's trademark scarf is now military chic"
May 2005 >
Brazilian soccer star, Ronaldo, wears keffiyah while visiting Palestine during 57th Al Nakba.
July 2005
Ricky Martin poses for photos with keffiyah draped over shoulders while visiting Jordan for Arab Children's Congress. Announces support for the Palestinian cause and for refugees' right of return.
August 2005
After his people ask him to remember "just who signs your paychecks around here," Ricky Martin apologizes for wardrobe malfunction. Blames Jordanian children for putting keffiyah on his shoulders without realizing what it represented. Insists he was taken advantage of and as a special gesture, promises to play a concert in Israel on his next world tour the following spring.
December 8, 2005
Matt Lauer suspected of wearing keffiyah to keep warm during filming of Today Show episode. Sparks Keffiyah-Gate.
January 2006 >
Jon Audarson of streetwear label Dead transforms keffiyah pattern into western shirt. Snaps photo of Quentin Tarantino rocking the mishmash of cultures.
International Herald Tribune reports, "Scarf morphs into iconic accessory." Chief editor of British GQ insists scarf has not lost its original political meaning.
April 2006
In LA Times article, "'Terrorist Chic' and Beyond," writer Daniel Hernandez examines the keffiyah kraze by wearing one. Looks in mirror and startles himself.
May 2006
Days before scheduled performance, Ricky Martin cancels Israeli debut due to low ticket sales. Promises to visit to Israel at an unspecified future date.
June 2006 >
Palestinian-American fashion designer Nemi Jamal spins keffiyah (hatta) into new forms of attire. Expresses desire to "take it further, expand on its possibilities and use it as clothing... I want to make the hatta into the bandanna of today."
July 2006
Spain’s Prime Minister Zapatero wears keffiyah at rally for young Socialists. Accuses Israel of using "abusive force" in its military operations.
Anti-Defamation League condemns Zapatero for his racist comments and wardrobe.
November 2006
Top Shop markets minimalist version of keffiyeh: "The Table Cloth Scarf."
December 2006
As part of spring fashion accessories line, Urban Outfitters begins sale of $20 keffiyahs marketed as "Anti-War Woven Scarves."
Manager of one New York Urban Outfitters store reports it to be his top selling scarf.
January 2007 >
Commodification takes unexpected turn with "Kaffieyh Yisraelit." Like the fate of hummus and the hookah, Israeli entrepreneurs now appropriate keffiyah, adorning it with miniature Stars of David. "It's going to be like the falafel," scarf-designer brags. Gets AIPAC, CAMERA, and Alan Dershowitz on speed dial to help convince Americans into believing keffiyah was Israel's first.
Urban Outfitters halts sale of keffiyah per Zionists' careful instructions. In lieu of pulling scarves, Canadian Urban Outfitters renames them "Shemagh Scarves." Continued commodification of Arabic culture assured in five fashion-friendly color variations.
February 2007 >
Anne Frank spotted all over Amsterdam in keffiyah. Chooses traditional red/white pattern over Kaffieyh Yisraelit.
French designer Nicholas Ghesquiere's "Balenciaga Scarf" appears in his collegiate-inspired ready-to-wear collection.
Keffiyah fad is "dead," declares fashion student Whats-Her-Name in New York Times article.
March 2007
Urban Outfitters near UCLA continuing sale of keffiyahs. Maytha dons undercover cultural reporter disguise (read: Maytha pretends to know nothing) and asks salesboy what "this" is. Salesboy responds with, "Oh, I think these are handmade, one of a kind, something special like that." (read: Salesboy pretends to know something)
Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor in keffiyah for latest video, "Survivalism."
April 2007 >
"Balenciaga Scarf" makes it on Style.com’s must-haves for Fall 2007.
David Beckham spotted wearing blue keffiyah in Madrid.
July 2007
Urban Outfitters' Keffiyah Kraze, Version 2: The Heart Woven Desert Scarf is "the Shemagh scarf with a girly touch." Available in bink and burble.
Teen clothing catalog, Alloy’s version: "The Riviera Scarf"
ASOS capitalizes on keffiyah in the style of Cameron Diaz with the "Rock Tassle Scarf in the style of Cameron Diaz"
ASOS capitalizes on keffiyahs in the style of Carl Barat and David Beckham with the "Libertines Check Scarf in the style of Carl Barat and David Beckham"
Teen Vogue declares Kirstin Dunst's brown number to be "Breezy, Global Chic." Right-wing blog visitors declare to now hate Kirstin Dunst.
Certain to be continued...
__________________________________
Special thanks to:
Ted Swedenburg and his work on the keffiyah, particularly his 1992 article in the Michigan Quarterly Review: "Seeing double: Palestinian/American histories of the kufiya." (v31.n4 (Fall 1992): pp557(21)). As you can probably tell by the title, it has great information on the history of the keffiyah -- kufiya -- however he spells it. Check out Dr. Swedenburg's excellent blog at: http://swedenburg.blogspot.com/
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