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PELEBOY – I AIN’T RACIST

VS.

The Real reason the tiny Country of Qatar win its bid to host World Cup in 2022 and the US went home empty handed is summed in those two pictures. As you can see taken at two different events, who is the host with the most?

A whole lamb on each tray of just your average a burger? If you can do the math, so can FIFA officers. Living up to the the traditions in Qatar has never been too hard…the eye eats too.

I do not know about you, but I rather be at the table in Qatar grabbing that leg of lamb, becasue life is too short for a quick burger. All those sauces and fixings at the Qatari table puts your average mayo, mustard and ketchup to shame.

Now all eyes on Qatar! Hard Luck O’Bama

[Tarboush Tip Shadi Q]

In the aftermath of the epic AIPAC scandal and the allegations accusing staff at AIPAC love for porn and prostitutes, KABOBfest Investigative Journalist Chaim Sugarman obtained a highly classified list of the rumored AIPAC prostitutes, this list is being made public for the first time. Naturally like most prostitutes, price matters. The higher their price the more fun the experience. Here is the Leaked list of the AIPAC Prostitutes:

1. Senator Joseph Lieberman ($1,228,010)
2. Senator John McCain ($823,267)
3. Senator Debbie Ann Stabenow ($308,553)
4. Senator Arlen Specter ($277,600)
5. Congressman Eric Cantor ($180,650)
6. Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen ($147,857)
7. Senator Charles Schumer ($158,749)
8. Ray Hanania (A dozen donuts)
9. Congresswoman Shelley Berkley ($115,501)
10. Bibi Netanyahu (Invite him to speak at your Gala)

While Senator Joe Lieberman made the most money and he did not even have to be good looking or young. AIPAC high end prostitutes come from all political ideologies which speaks volumes of AIPAC non discriminating taste. In an attempts to explain the the situation to us, we talked to professor Nathan Lane from  Upper Arizona University ” Senator Joe Lieberman seems to always take calls from AIPAC” , “which explains his large chest”.

 KABOBfest Investigative Journalist Chaim Sugarman confirms, AIPAC’s move favorite porn sites involve Senator McCain screwing the Republican party and Senator Joseph Lieberman playing hard to get to the Democratic party and fingering their leadership.  Famed blogger and AIPAC critic M.J. Rosenberg stated, “I am not going into the details except to say that with all the illicit goings on at AIPAC (this is a X rated document), it is hard to believe it had the time to intimidate the entire US Congress into permanent submission.”

1- The Sheikh,
This person does not believe in pictures, so his profile picture is something of either the dome of the rock, Mecca, or some religious test in nice calligraphy. He always has quotes from religious texts and stories of early Muslims. He/she often comments on your pictures with language that has double meanings, but mostly he/she disapprove of your lifestyle, like the picture of you smoking a hookah. Insists on using religious Arabic phrases in all occasions. He does not belong to any causes or anything political, just pure religion. Heck, they might even use the Muslim lunar calender for kicks. Most people put this person on limited access so they are not in the know. It’s good when there is an ongoing war as they can spread a word of prayer. The Sheikh is the only one in your Facebook friends that won’t wish you a happy birthday because it is Haram. Favorite useless Facebook application: SuperPoke.

2- The Gossip Hub,
Did you see their pictures in Ramallah? I cannot believe she would wear that. That’s how it starts, and next thing you are bashing your cousins and friends. You will later find out that the gossip hub memorized every negative word you said and passed it on to further advance their agenda. Since the gossip hub has an appetite for details, their profile picture is most likely a portrait. Gossip is not a new business, but the social media makes it so easy and so hard to resist as more people allow you to peak into their private lives. Their power comes from having too much time and easy access to unassuming “friends”. Thanks to the new group feature, you can keep them in the dark. Hey, Gawker is hiring. The gossip hub expects the entire world to acknowledge their birthday like it’s a national holiday or something. Can we please stop it with the poking? Why are you poking me every five minutes? You’re now getting on my nerves. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Food Fight”.

3- The “I need a Spouse”
This guy changes his profile picture every five seconds and he is the first to comment on your status update and photos. Maybe he needs a job and not a spouse as no one in their sane mind will put up with their addiction to the Internet. They love to overshare, and often do more damage to themselves than good: I do not need to know the burrito you had for lunch was your one way ticket to the bathroom. No, we do not have an inside joke. Girls also qualify under this group, but they are smarter, they know everything, but they rarely engage in commentary out of fear being perceived as overexposed. She will constantly whine about being stalked and she is not a stranger to tongue typos. Maybe the guy and the girl in this category should change their status to “in a relationship” instead of “it’s complicated” which is a rather accurate description of their mental status. But not to sweat it, you are in the right place, this is a place where desperate people share a bunch of pointless info about their lives. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Fortune Cookie”.

4- The News Junkie,
The Provoker, this person does not even have any friends in real life, but somehow he/she has 2000 virtual friends as they view it as an online popularity contest. Since the News junkie knows better than to post scandalous photos, avoids scandals their profile picture is fare and away style. They are also good as they update you on world news that you care about, I swear they beat the Huffington Post to the story. Aside from political stuff, they can be a good authority on Facebook sweet deals and promotional coupons. They are unafraid to get in pissing matches over analysis of news and their ill-informed opinion. They can be the activist kind which means they push you to add Code Pink as a friend. They have started more groups than Donald Trump has suites. Most likely to commit a Facebook abortion when they say something deeply controversial promoting a wave of de-friending. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “X-Me”.

5- The Editor,
The word you meant to use is “effect” not “affect”. Your love of Facebook is unconditional as only lonely and awkward losers such as yourself can pretend to have a life. They are under-educated and out to prove themselves, or they are too old to understand the various online acronyms. The Up Close and Impersonal is their style of profile picture as they always get up in your face. The editor will have swollen fingers or worse, they may have carpel tunnel syndrome. WTF! The universe works in mysterious ways. I guess Facebook is pretty rad, until you learn the majority of your “Friends” won’t write on your wall, or comment on your photos. In fact, most of your acquaintances have Facebook Alzheimer’s when it comes to remembering you from real life. You will respond to their negligence by viewing their photos and commenting on them just to be a buzz kill. Facebook is like Harley Davidson, it makes life more interesting and it gives the the illusion of fun, nothing wrong with little lies. Next time do not poke me, and if you do I have a Punch Me application and you are on top of my list. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Are You Interested???”

6- The Baby Maker,
“Is the baby on your Facebook profile number 1 or number 2?” People here think they are too mature to post their real pictures so they try to make themselves look cool by belonging to some random inside joke groups proclaiming how they hate Starbucks or how they are part of Team Coco. Which is very appropriate as Coco is the universal word for crazy. They do not care for privacy as in real life they have too much of it. The drama comes when they post a new quote they just uttered thinking it’s funny only to be shamed into taking it out because it’s sexist, racists or homophobic. Why are you letting your kids eat that junk food and updating your status instead? And God forbid you ask them for a picture of their new born baby, “it’s on Facebook”, like they cannot be bothered to attach them to an email. Needless to say, their baby pictures got picked by a marketing company and now their baby has a giant poster selling diapers in China. Get over it you are getting old, go bowling and wear matching shirts with other couples. Favorite application is: “Make a Baby”

7- The Facebook Martyr,
They are the first to tell you they got screwed by Facebook, they hate it and they cannot stop complaining about their privacy. Creepy stalkers are after you, Facebook tells your friends you like chick flicks, your boss is watching you, the FBI has access to your account. But still, you are on Facebook posting the picture from the last party you went to. Profile picture would be either if some pop culture reference or a toast picture. Facebook is like the new mafia once you are in you can never leave alive, it’s impossible to delete the account, but stop trying to act like you fear for your privacy and personal safety. Nobody cares and you are not doing yourself any favors either. Everyone knows people here attempted a Facebook suicide, only to return few weeks later as it turn out they do not have a real life. Favorite application is: “My Fairyland”

[Tarboush Tip: Peppermint Patty]

However, in another twist to the disturbing story, KABOBfest Investigative Journalist Chaim Sugarman has revealed that the actual leader of the pack is none other than Palestine Note CEO Director General Fadi Elsalameen (Peace Be Upon Him). Sugarman used a special IDF-issued camera lens to peak behind Elsalameen’s latex mask and reveal his true identity.

Though Elsalameen could not be reached for comment, his Press Secretary Ray Hanania did state that “Mr. Elsalameen is going to be famous one day.” As to why Elsalameen thought it necessary to hide his true identity, Hanania said, “He was afraid that the sheer number of paparazzi he attracts would disrupt peace negotiations.”

Sugarman’s investigation also revealed that King Abdullah of Jordan is actually a Star Wars Imperial Stormtrooper. That, however, most of us already knew.

A few days ago, Egyptian blogger Wael Khalil, ironically featured here in Al-Ahram, exposed said paper, which is largely viewed as Egypt’s, or perhaps the Arab world’s paper of record, for doctoring a picture from the Whitehouse bi-annual middle east peace talks re-launch photo opp. The doctored image shows Mubarak as commanding, walking a head of the pack, just like an image conscious dictator who dies his hair at the age of 82 would.

The real image, on the other hand, showed Mubarak on the margins, behind, distant, and insignificant to the center of events. Which is also explained by the fit he through earlier, when he insisted on making a public statement after Obama, Netanyahu, and Abbas, as he was unhappy with being just an ornamental fixture, like his buddy the King of Jordan.

The editor in chief of Al-Ahram, wrote an op-ed explaining the paper’s action, although not admitting a faux pas, here are the top ten reason’s he used to justify his actions:

10. Leaders were recast in alphabetical order
9. Age before beauty, although we did not have to photoshop his hair.
8. It was done to symbolize Mubarak’s significance to the Palestinian cause.
7. What’s the big deal? Mubarak is always ahead, look at the elections.
6. Picture is not doctored; this is another one taken a second later after Mubarak moved up on his magic carpet.
5. Actually, the picture is doctored, but not nearly as much as Mubarak himself.
4. No clown left behind
3. Did you see the color sequence of ties in the original? It’s hideous.
2. It was not meant to hide Mubarak’s insignificance to the summit, rather conceal his frailty and inability to keep pace with 60-year young bucks.
1. Move Bit*h…Get Out of the way

[Tarboush tip: Diana, Hanitizer, Sana, Chaim]

By A Resident of Area 51

In less important news, the charismatic “Director General” of Palestine Note, Fadi Elsalameen, has declared himself an ambassador from a another planet tasked with the sole mission of bringing peace to the Middle East.

At a press conference held at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum, the Edward Scissor Hands look-a-like said: “I’ve been sent to this planet to force Israelis and Palestinians into a kosher love fest. I believe this can be accomplished through blogging.” He also mentioned that Palestinians need to wear suits more often, and Israelis need to learn how to say “excuse me.”

Many of the young female bloggers in attendance complained that Elsalameen pulled them aside to brag about his “many flexible dance moves which help with politicking.” The few who happen to know Elsalameen in a more biblical sense concur. However, they concede that he’s as efficient of a lover as he is a globe trotter — able to teleport between the Middle East, Washington, DC and his home planet in under a minute.

Ms. Anne Zuckerman, an associate of Elsalameen’s, commented on her Director General’s oddness: “To be as cool and coy about the Middle East as Mr. Assholim [sic] is, you need to spend a lot of time on a different planet… or working for Seeds of Peace.”

Elsalameen has done both. Commenting on his experience working for Seeds of Peace, Elsalameen says: “It was fun! Kind of like volunteering for the Special Olympics.”
   
Unfortunately for Elsalameen, he lacks credibility. “We already have a guy who brings joy and peace to the entire world,” says Ali Abu Ahmad, an umemployed political consultant. “We call him Santa Clause.” Sounding bitter, Abu Ahmad says: “I hope his home planet explodes and every member of his species goes extinct.”

Elsalameen, however, takes all this criticism with a grain of salt. “Hate all you want,” he says. “You can tell from my collection of flamboyant neck ties how important I am.” Pointing to the one he’s wearing, he says, “This one confused CNN into thinking I was a key Palestinian negotiator… but I don’t even know how to spell that word.”

In reality, Elsalameen is not an important mover or shaker at all. Instead, he relies on his evil alien powers to teleport himself to important meetings between Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli PM Bibi Netanyahu.

He does, however, wear expensive cologne.

1. The white girl from Arabic class She wanted a tutor and he wanted a study buddy from the opposite sex to boost his confidence in this new land (and he’s taking Arabic for the same reason).  It’s more of friends-with-benefits since he’s just looking for female companionship and she wants the good grade. When he dreams about her, he doesn’t see them running through green fields, he sees a Green Card, and sex.  She may start to see a different green: Ay-rab money green. Things go great until she completes her foreign language requirement. A few months later she dumps his broke, hairy ass, to which he can only respond “ilhas.” Four months is better than none, so he begins searching for summer Arabic courses.
2. The activist She is cool, smart and not judgmental, at all. Meaning, she’d screw anything. He’s glad to play the exotic Arab bit.  She’s the closest thing to the Hollywood depiction of a woman who will go home with a man after meeting for the first time.   He spotted her at the local falafel shop and remembered her from some protest a year ago (because Arab men remember seeing people like that. I swear). She is very informed and sympathetic to the cause. He tells her, “hey, they are screening this new documentary movie, would you like to go with me?”  The next date is to hear a speech by Norm Finkelstein. At the local Indian restaurant he finds out the hard way that she is a vegetarian! That is an enormous turn-off.  He eventually gets sick of all the super intellectual conversation 24/7. Things fall apart when she leaves to Ramallah for an International Solidarity Movement trip. She moves on and has no regrets getting into her next Mohammaden fling.
3. The girls at the club who asked for a smoke Nothing to do in the little town and fresh off the boat, he sees a Latina and she’s total hotness. She sees him as possibly-Latino but more garlicky.  She asks if he’s got a cigarette, a major green light. Their major beef is the classic Arab-Latino debate: “You know I love Shakira, she is Arab.” She always yells back, “NO! She is not, habeebee.”  It’s extremely fun and Latinas can be easily mistaken for Arab girls, which comes in handy when the accidental Facebook photo goes up.  But her inexplicable Catholicism becomes and eventual deal-breaker. But that’s cool. he was never going to marry her anyways.  She was just way too much fun.
4. Flirt-to-Convert Prospect She comes to the Friday prayer services and she wears a head cover, you think she is interested in Islam and she tells she would convert if she married a Muslim guy. Sounds like serious marriage material, right? He even starts checking in with the parents back in Yemen to see if they will be cool with it, before even talking to the girl. Since she’s got Sami Yousef on her iPod, he thinks he found love. She is smart and good looking, but something isn’t quite right about her.   It could be she was playing Muslim as part of her class study experiment, or she was just a little nutty. If she converts and dons the niqab, it’s the latter.
5. OMG Sana is not Arab! She looks like an Arab, she talks like an Arab, but she isn’t.  She’s kind of like the halal version of the Latina.  Actually she may be cooler than most Arabiyyat because she’s got less crazy hang-ups and anxieties.  So, it could work. Most Arab men will initiate conversations with Sana, captivated by the enigma of her ethnic origins but immediately turn away once they find out she’s actually of Kashmiri extract. But, she’s cool with it. She is, after all, better looking than all Arabs and comes with less drama and less make up, or so she thinks. The risk is he gets scared by how much of the Koran she’s got memorized, the perfection of her Arabic pronunciation and he throws her in the friend zone.
6. The fellow intern Though most college men think they will get nothing out of an internship, because they know everything already, they hoped for this.   Working along side him, or possibly seen as an event for interns, he spots her. She’s as novice and clueless as he is, so maybe he actually can impress her.  Their both away from home and lonely, and that’s the secret to his new found charms. She is either from his home country or from Lebanon; while they never really date, they always do stuff and people start talking around the office. He may want to do the right thing and meet her parents, but they know he still has to pay college loans.  They’ve got a charming physician lined up for her, but she is going to marry that handsome lawyer instead. She is a lot better looking than he was anyways. Being in close quarters all summer fooled them into love.
7. The home girl After all else failed, this one can be found at the local church or mosque, community event or family-friend party (ideally she’s friend, not family). But they really cannot rush love, but their moms can so hitting on is actually encouraged by the parents.  Sad but true.  In fact, if he does not hit on her, his mother will say some mean shit:  “Your hair is turning grey,” “you are balding,” “Your grandma thinks you like boys” or “I’m very sick and this is my last wish.”  None of this is true, but screwing with his head gets him to act. And one day he spots her at a relative’s wedding and since they have a mutual friend, it kind of just happens. Congrats. Game Over. You Lose!

[Tarboush Tip: Sana, Will]

1- “My-Ex-Boyfriend-Is-Palestinian” Amy
We can’t forget about the white girl who dated an Arab guy in college, and seems to have never got enough of Mahmoud after he went backhome abruptly after graduation and got married. Dating the Palestinian kid makes the symptom even more pronounced, the suffering must be seductive and spices up the relationship. The “something” is missing feeling drives Amy into the laps of Middle Eastern restaurants and hookah lounges. Of course it does not help that Palestine is always on the news which only makes the shadows of the past relationship more real. Amy has dated many guys none live to controlling Mahmoud; white kids do not want families; Hispanic kids are too flashy; Asians are too quite and too obsessed with gadgets. Thus making Amy a solid fan of Taylor Swift and her songs.

Deal Breakers: Sorry, the deal is already broken

2- The other “Brown” Fella
He or she probably saw you in class or at the local cafeteria and went up to you and started speaking to you in a language they obviously thought you spoke. Face it my friends: you’re on a one way ticket south the borders. Since misery loves company, you instantly hit it off and become new BFF’s. Extra credit if that person is attractive and of the opposite sex (or the same). Sometimes you run into “the other brown person” in a Middle East Studies college class, where he or she realizes that their last name begins with “Al” and serves as definitive proof of their Arab connection, to which you say “Of course, Spanish has a lot of Arab words.” Latin Americans look so much like us that whenever the needs arises, we can say “No hablo Ingles . . . Soy De Mexico” and get away with it. Becoming a regular at the Hispanic restaurants sure takes a toll on your digestive system, but they sure get you extra amounts of guacamole. Looking like the rest of the people on the streets also helps you land a better haircut with a discount at the local Spanish barber shop. Congratulations! You are now an honorary member of the Hispanic community. Make sure you carry your papers with you at all times.

Deal Breakers: Superior Salsa dance moves, amazing soccer tactics and confusing kissing customs; they are all bound to create some serious jealousy.

3- The Die Hard Libertarian
Since much of Libertarian philosophy is founded on conspiracy theories and since most Arabs don’t trust their media or their governments, for an Arab it makes since to have a Libertarian friend to commiserate with on the latest theories of “secret wars” and the causes behind the “financial meltdown.” Unlike many wimpy urbanites, Arabs also do not get intimidated by guns. Obviously, both of you have high paying jobs and fail to see why you get compensated the amounts you do get compensated with. Arabs feel that Republicans screw up their home countries that Democrats screw up American taxes and agree with whatever Libertarians say on civil liberties, but still vote for Nader. Careful though: to avoid a Jerry Springer moment, avoid questioning their theories, no matter how crazy they might sound. Obviously, the West is the heartland of the Libertarian movement with Las Vegas as its capital and thus Libertarians do not enjoy paying taxes. They prefer to gamble their money away.

Deal Breakers: working for a Federal Bank, paying your taxes in full and not owning the entire collection of Oliver Stone motion pictures.

4- The Free Rider
This person comes from all races, religions and nationalities, flocking with whoever picks up the tab. You’ve heard of Arab hospitality, right? Well people in this group thrive and leech on exactly that. Those who grace this group usually tell good stories and have a great sense of humor, but when it comes to cash, they fall way short—a problem you discreetly resolve. Yes, it’s your college roommate who every time he saw you cooking, said something like: “Wow, that smells good!” anticipating to be invited. These are also the people who let you use their Costco membership, if you buy him (or her) a c polish hot dogs, a drink and a churro. Back at college, you asked this person to run some of your errands and to do your English writing homework from time to time, which they gladly accept. But this relationship is doomed to fail on the first disagreement on who gets to pay the utilities or who gets to go out with that girl you both met at the night club. But it might not take that long. The free loader drank all your chocolate milk with no prior notice! For an Arab, the need for this friend is like the need for Ramadan friendly porn, the one where the girl in the black niqab lifts up her skirt and reveals her ankle just a little to arouse the senses and engage the mind. For the record, many Arabs play that role to their peers from the rich Gulf who can spare the dimes in pursuit of good times to be had by all.

Deal Breakers: getting a declined credit card and going on a diet.

5- The Born-Again Hippie
Since hippies can’t recall their last accomplishment since the 60’s, the new hippies are the guys and gals you met canvassing for Obama in your town. The new hippies are empowered by the Obama miracle trek to the White House and love to take credit for his success, but yet fail to see anything good he’s done so far. The fun in being an Arab with a hippie friend is their open appetite to try new things and rebel against the system—something Arabs apparently love. Here is the proof at any labor, environmental, anti-war, political rally: you will always find an Arab flag. The Arabs gave the gift of Humus, Tabouli, Baba Ghanooj, tea, herbs and spices, and Ralph Nader and the hippies took all these things and ran with them. The hippie likes the company of Arabs, the newcomers if you will, because frankly, everybody is tired of the expired hippie bullshit stories and how they can blow pickles from their arse every time they fart.

Deal Breakers: being too harsh on weed smokers, singing praises to red meat, telling the hippie you do not believe in monogamy. Not Recycling!

6- The Apologetic Reformed Republican
Frustrated with the “Dubyah” legacy, this extreme Whitey recently left the Republican Party out to dry. He or she feels obligated to correct the wrongs of the past and to break the ice with his/her Arab co-worker in the accounting department. But old cultural habits die hard. You can take an extreme prep out of the GOP but you can’t take the GOP out of the extreme prep. So they mean well and really want to understand the people that Fox News just loves to hate. But they stick out like the Lawrence of Arabia at a Bedouin dinner.

The Apologetic Reformed Republican (or A Double R) often work in either the legal, financial or engineering fields. They latch on to a group of Arabs through work or a random Arab roommate whose overly kind invitations to go out were not supposed to be taken literally. The RRs fail to de-code Arab etiquette for the posturing it is and always agree to attend Arab weddings, funerals and Ramadan iftaars.

Please be kind to them. After suffering years of cognitive damage through listening to the likes of Ann Coulter, they still say ignorant things. Do however; remind this person that you have a Fantasy Football team and a March Madness basketball bracket. Another tip: avoid quoting historical facts. Your peer has a very short-term memory if not a major case of historical amnesia and begins every sentence with “in accordance with the prophecy.”

Deal Breakers: applying for a job with an agency of the Federal government, or speaking ill of Reagan.

7- Feeling Dangerous Bored Girl
There was something about Mary, but this time she’s gone all righteous on all of us.  Almost all Arabs in the States have experienced this girl: all of them, at one point of their lives, befriended a white person who thought they were members of a gang once they became friends. I am sorry I actually went to Dearborn and I saw those Arab kids dressed like rappers and speaking tough. Some white people (especially some girls) feel like they are doing the ultimate act of disobedience by becoming friends with “the enemy.” Since both Arabs and white kids are well off, they go to the same school district and have to convince the others to give them some “Respect”. Love for fast cars, video games, flashy sneakers and “bling bling” brings this odd union into solid stages. However, as those people grow up and have professions of their own, they still find a mysterious prestige for a white person to say: “we are going to ‘the Muslamics’ for some mint tea and hookah.” Its when an Arab would say, “the ‘Smiths’ are coming over gives us a warm fuzzy feeling.”

Deal Breakers: Wearing a suit, speaking proper English, and confessing that you actually live in your mom’s basement.

8- The ‘I love your people’ Lad
As a kid, this person’s father hired some Arab person to do a job and while observing those “different” people, the youngster realizes how hard working those people were, even though they had been fasting all day. Moreover, ever since then, they insist on meeting every Arab in their life—if they only knew. This person believes that America is a nation of immigrants and as his own forbearer came to this land, he or she respects all those who come here. Arabs are always looking for new friends and people who will listen to them and see them as regular folks and not just what Glenn Beck promotes. Members of this group are self-appointed defenders of Arabs—they pick fights with their teachers for saying the wrong things about Arabs and they raise hell when their classmates insult Ahmad. This behavior drives them to be isolated and frustrated idealists, who will eventually buy a pink fridge and raise a bunch of cats in a small hut overlooking one of Minnesota’s lakes.

Deal Breakers: calling out this person’s bluffs and telling them that the U.S. education system is so great that you left your home country to come here.

9- The Culture Vulture/Surfer
His/her first name is unique and they grew up in a metropolitan environment where it was rare to see people who look or talk the same. People on this list are strategic on their friendships; they realize that time is limited and only mingle with those relevant folks. When the civil rights were at swing in the 60s, they kept close to African Americans. When Reagan was screwing up Central America, they befriended Salvadorian, Panamenian and Nicaraguan immigrants. 9/11 was no different: they went out and got them some Arab friends to better understand the issues. A trademark of theirs is to have a different name in every culture they explore. Abdul something seems to be popular with the culture surfers. Usually spiritual and often church going who believe in world peace, they understand the messy nature of things. Such friendship is wonderful, if both live in the same neighborhood. Maintaining the relationship becomes difficult if there was distance—just ask your high school girlfriend.

Deal Breakers: saying politically incorrect things about others or confessing to owning a gun.

10- The Aspiring Spook
Poor souls . . . they are great listeners who enroll in Arabic 1010 and go out of their way to be in touch with the Arab scene in an effort to stay current on world events. Believing in America and the importance of its security makes this person learn more about Arabs and Muslims. The aspiring spy does not really hate Arabs or their culture per se, but rather chose to be pragmatic and learn a marketable skill—hunting Arabs is that skill. They will ask you to take them to the local mosque when you go or introduce them to the local imam. When they meet the imam who speaks perfect English and drives a Hummer to take his kids to their soccer game, only then do they realize how boring their career would be. The only winners in this situation are the local Arab restaurant where this person will insist to take their dates to eat at his or her “favorite” Arabic restaurant. Telling their date that they know Ahmad, the restaurant server, gives them a chilling sensation yet their date is not amused. A minority within this group takes pride in telling people who find that America does wrong, “If you do not like America, French women do not shave.”

Deal Breakers: developing a sudden allergy to Arabic food or making this person feel bad for all the deaths and destruction in Iraq.

11- The “Third-World” Intellectual
Everyone knows who I’m talking about…the guy wearing a red or black hatta on his neck who also sports those nice thick square glasses and the scruffy look. If they are guys, they usually make friends with Arab girls on campus and try to brag to their roommates about how they got a date with a Muslim girl. Go figure, right? They often major in philosophy, political science or some international bullshit. Did I also say that they usually have a cool haircut and a stellar collection of scarves that gives them that certain European flavor? They are often lean, wear those tights jeans, collect comic books and have a poster of either Brave Heart, Gladiator or go all out and hang a poster of the latest indie sensations. And the bag, you cannot forget the assortment of stickers and banners they feature on their school bag. These guys love to pick fights with the college Republicans and piss in their cheerios by calling them either Racists, War Mongers or let it all go to hell by calling them Fascists. The Arabs often love to see those guys (and let’s not forget the ladies) make an argument against the Occupation or take them along for the international cinema where the latest Iranian flick is playing.

Deal Breakers: admitting to not liking European anti-immigrants laws or liking romantic comedies—to the intellectuals, the romantic comedies are like the sun to a cube of ice.

12- The ? Jew
Unapologetically anti-Zionist, this person served in the Israeli army and somehow his brigade pulled some crazy stunts and he never felt invested in the Israeli government and its policies. The? Jew has double citizenship so we can afford to tell Israel to “Kiss It” Once the tour is over with, this person left Israel and never looked back again. Now in the States, he/she is popular in the speaking circles where he/she is often invited to tell their stories and how they came to realize that peace is the way. Facing hostility from the clowns of the Zionist Organization of America on his/her campus this person is by default an Arabist and it helps they few styling Arab chicks on his/her campus makes good friends who make way better hummus than the shit they call hummus in Israel. Of course he/she ends up being a staffer in the US Congress for a left leaning congressman where they can give some credibility when Israeli right wingers accuse the Congressman of being a man of reason when it comes to the Middle East.

Deal Breakers: mixing a Judaism with Zionisms, being a big fan of Mel Gibson, not accepting their facebook friend invitations.

[Tarboush Tip: KABOBfest Team]

The station literary outfoxed many established news outlet and surprised everyone with their professionalism and quick response. RT airs in many world languages and has developed steady viewership.

A Russia Today corespondent for the Arabic Channel is a fan of the KABOBfest blog decided to cover the blog and met with few of the writers. In Cupa Cupa eatery, a Washington DC best kept secret the meeting took place where a number of our bloggers came for the interview. I must say I like the literal translation of the blog name…when the anchor says it, she makes it a lot more tasty.