Top 10 Things I Hate about Summers in the Middle East

Hot summers with a blazing sun every day and only a handful of places with air conditioning is a one-way ticket to Stinkville. Yes, summer makes pretty much everyone stink. Men sweat in places they didn’t even know they had, turning clothes into knock-off ShamWows and foreheads into leaky faucets.

Ray Hanania’s Assault on Arabic Food

In a self-published press release, in which Ray Hanania talks about himself in third person, he writes: “The program will feature celebrity judges and chefs. The chefs will bring in their favorite recipes and serve them to the judges for review and commentary.”

Ray Hanania Was Not Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize

Ray Hanania has made a career of combining his Palestinian-American identity with his love for communications. For better or worse, his personal website states that he’s a journalist, blogger, author, publisher, standup comedian, pundit, satirist, filmmaker, radio talk show host, motivational speaker, media consultant and – most recently – a self-nominated presidential candidate for the Palestinian Authority.

Internet Relic Pops Up in 2010

Internet archaeologists recently discovered this digital equivalent of a cave drawing, circa 1999.

Looking at its crude copy and paste job, incoherent meaning and the primitive web skills behind a now obsolete form of web animation, they determined the anonymous author was likely a deranged lunatic who through hours of internet porn-inspired self-pleasuring lost the opposable function in his mouse-clicking thumb.

Ray Hanania Needs Circumcision to Stay Afloat

The presidential candidacy of a Palestinian-American, Ray Hanania, has been ruled unconstitutional by the Palestinian Authority. Last month, the Chicago native and self-proclaimed “peace activist” announced his intention to run for President of Palestine by uploading a schnozz-shot video to YouTube and creating a Facebook group.

While Ray enjoys popular support in Zionists circles, he remains relatively unknown to many Palestinians. (In his defense, he is becoming somewhat of a YouTube sensation among stoners and Cheetos fans who’ve dubbed him “Palestinian Internet President Dude.”)

Tarek Salahi: Coolest Arab of the Moment

One would think an organization based primarily on high-level access to power would be happy to have a board member at President Barack Obama’s first state dinner.

The American Task Force for Palestine (ATFP), however, has removed from its website Tareq (Tarek) Salahi, the most famous party crasher in the world. He, along with his wife, snuck into the state dinner Tuesday night.

KABOBfest Claims Victory in Iranian Elections

Since Iran’s two major candidates are both claiming victory in Iran’s presidential elections, we figured we may as well join in and declare ourselves a winner. We rock.

We were not formally permitted a place on the ballot by the Supreme Religious Council (citing Programmer Buydatti’s lewd posts). However, we did get some pretty important endorsements from the council’s head honcho.

Debate of the Century Continues: Wall, Fence or Clothesline?

Haaretz (censored) reports that Israeli airline El Al is changing the term “separation wall” to “security fence” on all maps of Israel/Palestine that it distributes to passengers. The error (?) was noticed by Israel ’s consul general in Los Angeles , Yeki “Eagle Eyes” Dayan, as he boarded a plane to occupied Palestine . Apologizing [...]

Hyperbole of the Week Award Goes Too…

“Seen from the Middle East, conferences like the one about to take place on a Canadian university campus will only serve to fuel the vicious warfare and mass terror, which has taken the lives of tens of thousands of Israelis, Palestinians and others and is escalating into nuclear confrontation. York University has now become an accomplice in this crime.”

Iran Saves Face(book)

Iran’s Facebook candidate, MirHossein Mousavi, must be relieved that an Iranian censorship committee decided to unblock the social networking site. It is likely the government folded after Sana’s devastatingly ambiguous critique of the Faceblockage. Now millions of Iranians can return to wasting time at work and cyber-stalking people they meet. And as Sana points out, [...]